Greetings from another brother

[ChrisTroy]

Hello Everyone,

I am a Chrisitan, I deal with same sex attraction and I am looking for community. Normally I look for community in real life, but my family is extremely homophobic and my church doesn't know what to do with me.

I have been a Christian most of my life, and I have dealt with SSA for most of my life as well. For years I have tried to hide it or deny it but it's true. I have told a few close friends and a pastor but still the struggle has continued. My struggle has manly centered around porn, I've never done anything with a guy.

I have realized my attraction is rooted in a desire for healthy male intimacy, but due to many factors this has manifested itself in a sinful desire. I do not identify as gay, I believe I am a new creation in Christ, so Identify with my heavenly identity. I am learning to trust God, and be more transparent with my struggles.

Which is why I am here, I just want to talk to people I can be real with. People with whom I don't have to qualify every statement I make in fear of judgment. So I guess this is just me saying hello, I look forward to talking about Jesus and and stuff with you all.

 

[ReliantOnHim]

Hey there. I have also had SSA since I was about 10, and like you it has always been in my head, never in-person. For me it's in combination with heterosexual desires too, I have been married and had kids. Similar to you, I do not identify as gay, I identify more as having "homosexual confusion" in some areas.

I am definitely someone who you can be real with and I make no judgements (my mind has thought/imagined it all, there's nothing you could say that would shock me). So if you're interested in someone to discuss things/challenges/ideas with, please feel free to PM me.

 

[MarcBelgium]

Hello ChrisTroy,

I've been struggling with same sex attraction and homosexual fantasies for many, many years. I've also struggled with addiction in that area for many years. Only very recently I've started making some solid progress.

My experience is very similar to yours. For many years, I shared about my struggles with my pastor and a few trusted believers. They've always tried to help me the best they could, but I continued to struggle.
A few months ago, I joined a 12 step group - it's called SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - and I've been working the program with a sponsor for about 3,5 months. I also still attend SA meetings (Sexaholics Anonymous) - a program I know for many years which is quite similar to SLAA. (The first 12 step group was AA - the program is based on solid, Christian principles).

The transformation that has started since one month is utterly amazing. Very deep pain has started to surface. I was under a lot of shame and guilt because of same sex attractions since I was 7. A 5 year older brother labeled me "gay" at that time. The shame has been enormous.
I've been bullied my entire childhood by that brother, and my entire teenage years I've been bullied at school. All those years, there was no one with whom I could share what was going on. I bottled it all up, inside. Recently, the pain that was caused by all of this bullying finally started to surface (after a talk with my sponsor about bullying that was still happening at work - I'm 46 now).

It is so good that you are willing to be open about your struggles. In my experience that is absolutely necessary. It's a way of bringing it all into the light. Shame keeps us from doing just that. So we need to break the shame by bringing our struggles into the light.

I'm calling my SLAA sponsor daily, and that has been really helpful to have an initial breakthrough. I know I cannot fight this on my own. When I start acting out, I don't know when I will stop. So I learned I actually cannot start. It's a surrender. I had to give up my right to sex. And surrender it to God. He can manage it much better than I can.

It's been a long proces and there's off course much, much more to share.
Remember that you're not alone in this. God is - still - able.