- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
- Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
- Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
- Families are like fudge -- mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
- Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
- Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
- You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
- Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
- The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.
- Really rich people are much more likely to drown in yacht accidents.
- Mechanics' cars break down too.
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