Got the exact sign I asked for...still can't do it

[unwantedbygod]

At 3:46 this morning I said to myself that if the people I had been talking to earlier, who'd stopped talking to me, didn't reply by 4 it was proof that nobody cared about me. After about ten minutes I figured nothing was happening (I knew logically that it was very unlikely anyway and didn't really mean anything, but I'm always the sort to look for "signs") I lay down for a little while. When I looked back up, I was surprised to see a message alert in my inbox. I was even more surprised to see that the timestamp was 3:59.

It was from my girlfriend, and we ended up getting into a fight. I've been reacting to her problems not in the way she wanted me to (by trying to offer suggestions instead of sympathizing), and my reaction was to get upset, which I've been doing a lot of lately (I wanted to stop getting angry when people got upset with me, but unfortunately now all that happens is that I cry...I can't control it and people think I'm being passive-aggressive), which made her angrier because she's tired of feeling like she's constantly apologizing to me for upsetting me. Then I got mad again because it seems like every time something is going wrong for me she refuses to believe that it's not actually about her, caused by her, etc, and she misinterprets me a LOT and I always seem to be in trouble for things I never meant to say.

So, yeah. Got the sign I wanted. Still wanted to kill myself tonight. I don't blame my girlfriend, let me be clear. If I had to put up with me, I'd have dumped my sorry self a long time ago. She'd be better off without me. I love her more than anything in the world. And I don't honestly think she doesn't care about me but when you're depressed it feels like no one does.

I just feel like writing an apology letter to the Big Guy or something. "Thanks for trying. I know you did your best." I'm just a lost cause. I'll be alone forever in every conceivable way.

 

[hedrick]

[deleted. I responded to the wrong thread.]

 

[Tigger45]

Hey my friend I think your problem stems from your perspective of God, yourself, those around you and life ingeneral. I say this because I've been right where you're at. Once you change your perspective everything else follows suit. Let's start with your username unwantedbyGod. I know it can "feel" that way because we have {fallen} emotions and mind sets. Let's look at it objectively. God created a magnificiant universe and gave us life, intellect and emotions to enjoy it. We as humans caused this universe to fall into disrepair but then He sent His Son to bring us back under His promises. First while we are still in this fallen world and then brings to the fullness of His presense in the world to come. I pray this makes sense and helps.

 

[Dre99]

The Holy Spirit does not make people think they are unwanted by God, or drive them to kill themselves. Look in the Bible, no spirit of God ever makes anybody kill themselves. Anything that's not a spirit of God is a spirit of evil. An evil spirit is filling your head with those thoughts of suicide and unwantedness. If you can understand and accept that, then pray for God to help you.

 

[paul1149]

unwanted, your desirability to God has nothing to do with your competence at the game of life. Jesus has no illusions about this life, He knows that the rotten eggs often rise to the top, while good people are trodden under their feet.

Maybe you've been involved in animal rescue, or seen whisperers in action? They take animals that have been physically or even emotionally crippled and nurture them back to health. The last thing they want to do is dispose of them. They see too much potential in them, and besides they love them.

Do you think God has less compassion than they? Their compassion is simply a reflection of God's that He put in them.

If your life or your emotions are making a whole lot of sense at the moment, God loves you no less. And in some ways He loves you more. You are not unwanted by God. And if everyone in the world rejects you, you still are not unwanted by God. Don't make the mistake of extrapolating man's behavior to God. His ways are perfect, and far higher than ours.

Jesus knew all your failings - all our failings - and still decided to come and suffer for us. That's an incredible love, and if you abide in it, whatever you are going through will be seen in better perspective.

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."
1 John 4:16 ESV

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16 ESV

"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1 John 4:8 ESV

"The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."
Jeremiah 31:3 ESV

"The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying,"I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness."
Jeremiah 31:3 NASB

"For I, the LORD, love justice,I hate robbery in the burnt offering;And I will faithfully give them their recompenseAnd make an everlasting covenant with them."
Isaiah 61:8 NASB

"The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

"For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them."
Isaiah 61:8 NIV

"Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David."
Isaiah 55:3 NIV

"But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-"
Psalm 103:17 NIV​

 

[unwantedbygod]

The Holy Spirit does not make people think they are unwanted by God, or drive them to kill themselves. Look in the Bible, no spirit of God ever makes anybody kill themselves. Anything that's not a spirit of God is a spirit of evil. An evil spirit is filling your head with those thoughts of suicide and unwantedness. If you can understand and accept that, then pray for God to help you.

I didn't mean to imply that God was to blame for my shortcomings. Sorry if it sounded like that. I don't know if I believe that there's an external force causing my problems, though. I think it's just me.

 

[brinny]

We're ALL flawed, dear heart. It is what it is. God is the Lifter of our heads and our Healer and our Redeemer. He transforms our hearts of stone to hearts of flesh. He opens our eyes and unstops our ears. He makes all things new. The Holy Spirit becomes our Teacher in the wisdom of God and in understanding God's Word so that it becomes like manna, spiritual bread and nourishes our hearts, minds, and souls. God is our Abba, Who LOVES us and rejoices over us with singing. His joy becomes ours and our vision becomes as His. We are flawed. He is not.

 

[Tigger45]

http://www.christianforums.com/t7702454-new/ this thread is being a blessing to me. I pray it will bring you peace too :{)

 

[bling]

You need help. There are plenty of local people out there that want to help, but you are going to have go to them. Call a local church right now asking for help and see if they know where to direct you.

 

[Hypocrytes]

Hey Girl, I had more than my fair share of friends go through the exact same thing. Thankfully they're all still alive, and have lots of people who they share their life with!
What you need is a very good psychologist. One who knows how to diagnose a problem BEFORE deciding whether or not you need pills. Not so easy to come by, but definitely worth the effort.

You know, I spent a long period of my life thinking the same thing. Years later I discovered a little old lady had been praying for me through the toughest time of my life.

You just never know who loves you, or thinks of you, even when you think they don't.
You don't realize how much you hurt other people by trying to hurt yourself.

Unbelievably self-harm is a coping mechanism... or rather a 'non-coping' mechanism. It's what you do when you don't know how to resolve your issues. Good psychologist/counselling will help you.