Gossip, An Urban Form of Sorcery

[Michie]

I'm glad you liked them. I'm saving for reading & rereading.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Can anyone give a definition of gossip? Obviously some gossip is overt and apparent, however sometimes I am not sure what is appropriate to say and what is not. For instance, is all forms of venting about someone's hurtful behavior gossip? I had to work very closely with someone last year who just plain didn't do their job. I ended up doing it because my job involves children, and if no one did it, the children would suffer. I went through proper channels, and kept it to myself(besides my husband) for awhile until some others at work began to notice this person's lack of work. I had a very difficult time at this point, not joining in on venting about the day's calamities. I know that much of what I did crossed over into gossip, but did all of it?

 

[Michie]

I think telling your superior & venting to hubby did not. But kvetching with co-workers is never a good idea.

Basically, my rules are this- for problem solving go to the appropriate party or parties. Even the offending party. So the bone of contention can be removed. Speaking to a spouse or family about daily problems seems ok. Disinterested parties with no bias....professionals such as Dr or therapist.

But talking to people in the enviroment that are not in the situation just colors other's views of the person. And it just gives something or someone to talk about.

It's a really tough call just for one's self preservation of not bottling things up. I tend to bottle then explode.

I think it takes praying, common sense & just messing up a few times to really get the knack.

I haven't got the knack yet....but really trying to only say what is necessary to the appropriate parties. And not repeating offenses to others just to make myself feel better.

I mean, if the person knew you were saying these things to others would you be embarrassed or feel bad? If so, don't say it.

By saying these things is it for a practical reason that will work out for the good of all?
Then say it.

Am I just in deep dislike of this person & wish to sway others to my way of thinking?
If so, don't say it.

*shrug* It's hard to tell sometimes. I guess questioning self before speaking as to motivation might help.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

 

[Romanseight2005]

He knew what I thought of him. I was pleasant, and went to him about issues. At first I was very supportive, and willing to step in and help, the problem was he was happy with me doing it all. I don't want to be gossipping now, so I won't go too much into it, but it was a serious problem, because I did go through all the right channels, and everyone knew what was going on but nothing changed. I work in a school, and I am a Special Ed Para, who happens to have worked with a really good and experienced Sp. Ed teacher for 8 years. So when this person who had come from a high school environment came in, I was quite willing to jump in and do what needed to be done, which was to figure out how the kids needed to be placed, structure their morning, and do all of the lesson planning. In short, I did his job. I was attempting to show him what the kids needed. I wasn't pushy or bossy about it, I was like,"Would you like me to..." After awhile the principal had a meeting with us, and we were supposed to plan together with the idea that he would take over. It didn't happen. To make matters worse, he would let them play if I wasn't in there, so when I tried to get them to work, I mean like read during Reading class, they would throw fits and say,"Mr._____ let's us play. Anyway, I lost a lot of sleep worrying about the kids in our room. I was so concerned that they weren't getting what they needed, and it affected me physically. It really did seem a temptation more than I could bear, to vent when others were already venting about him, I was already bursting at the seams with frustration.

This year, so far God has blessed me, and I don't have to work directly with him. I joined the union and will go that route if I am put in that situation again. I do feel guilty about all the complaining and gossipping that I did, but I am not sure that I would be able to keep my mouth shut now either if it happened again, so I made up a plan of action so I cna remedy the situation rather than endure it. It all would be so different if it didn't involve the welfare of children. If it were a different kind of job, I could simply not do his part and let him fail, but how could I let those kids suffer, not to mention the parents. I would be insanely furious if my son's teacher just let him play.

 

[Michie]

It really sounds like you did everything right as far as I can tell. You had a serious situation there. I understand venting. I really do.

You live & learn in these situations so don't be too hard on yourself about the venting.

I really think it's a progression. We try to get better each time. Nobody ever hits it out of the park in this area it seems.

It does not sound at all like you were trying to do anything but protect the kids & your own sanity.

I'm glad you have not had to work directly with him this year. But if it should happen, it looks like you have a sound plan.

 

[Romanseight2005]

It really sounds like you did everything right as far as I can tell. You had a serious situation there. I understand venting. I really do.

You live & learn in these situations so don't be too hard on yourself about the venting.

I really think it's a progression. We try to get better each time. Nobody ever hits it out of the park in this area it seems.

It does not sound at all like you were trying to do anything but protect the kids & your own sanity.

I'm glad you have not had to work directly with him this year. But if it should happen, it looks like you have a sound plan.

Thank you!