LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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I just got a letter today that my therapist is leaving to participate in a "pilot project" beginning 6/14. The trouble is, today is 6/27 and I just got the letter, so he's already gone. Until now, I've never understood why people fall apart when their therapists change jobs. That can happen when the client doesn't have enough positive relationships in his/her life, and the therapist becomes their primary relationship. I've always figured, "Well, it's not like your spouse left you, or your parent died. Just get another therapist." But in the case where the client has no other significant attachments, I suppose it can feel like the loss of a spouse or parent.
I've worked with this one for several years now, almost as long as I've been married to my husband and have lived in this state. I am sad to see him go. Although I know I can "just get another therapist," I do worry now that the next one won't be as good. However, I have gained enough strength that I won't accept a bad one. I know I have a say in who provides the treatment for me, and either the new therapist will be just as good, or I'll find one who is.
Furthermore, I don't know what this "pilot project" is, but if it's something that may influence the future of psychotherapy in general, then I think he needs to be a part of it, as good a therapist as he is. That's for the greater good.
My husband is also saddened to see him go. He says, "In a lot of ways, I think he understands you better than I do." Yes, and many times he has helped explain me to my husband, when I couldn't.
I've learned so much from him. Among what sticks out most is:
1.) It wasn't my imagination. My mother and indeed most of my childhood family really were giving me subtle put-downs, and then jumping on me for "being negative" and "taking it the wrong way." I wasn't taking it the wrong way at all. I was taking it exactly the way they wanted me to take it, precisely so they could say that, thereby taking *another* block out of the precarious Jenga tower that was my self-esteem. As he explained to me about my mother, "Even when she thinks she's building you up, she's tearing you down." This is why, even though I may not necessarily still feel resentment (and shouldn't) I need to stay away from her so that she won't accidentally undo all the progress I've made.
2.) The fact that I have been slow to become independent, such as getting a driver's license which I finally did, and being able to hold a job which I'm still working on, is no reflection on my intelligence or my character. People in my life did not want me to feel good about myself and be successful, because then I wouldn't be dependent on them anymore, and they would lose their illusion of being the better, healthier, or stronger one among us. He likened it to:
3.) Yes, contrary to what I've been told, if a whole group of people say one thing, and I say another, it *is* possible I can be right, and they aren't. I need not be so quick to back down. BUT...
4.) Instead of being embroiled in an argument, if I find my emotions becoming involved, just let it go.
In addition, he has helped teach my husband that just because I may cry and be upset, that doesn't mean I'm having a relapse and need professional help. Just plain emotions are normal.
I had progressed from having to see him once every week or two, to only seeing him occasionally during a time of stress. I believe that it's because he is such a good therapist that I have come to need him less over these past few years, and although I'm sorry to lose him, I'm confident I have what it takes to make sure I get another good one.
I've worked with this one for several years now, almost as long as I've been married to my husband and have lived in this state. I am sad to see him go. Although I know I can "just get another therapist," I do worry now that the next one won't be as good. However, I have gained enough strength that I won't accept a bad one. I know I have a say in who provides the treatment for me, and either the new therapist will be just as good, or I'll find one who is.
Furthermore, I don't know what this "pilot project" is, but if it's something that may influence the future of psychotherapy in general, then I think he needs to be a part of it, as good a therapist as he is. That's for the greater good.
My husband is also saddened to see him go. He says, "In a lot of ways, I think he understands you better than I do." Yes, and many times he has helped explain me to my husband, when I couldn't.
I've learned so much from him. Among what sticks out most is:
1.) It wasn't my imagination. My mother and indeed most of my childhood family really were giving me subtle put-downs, and then jumping on me for "being negative" and "taking it the wrong way." I wasn't taking it the wrong way at all. I was taking it exactly the way they wanted me to take it, precisely so they could say that, thereby taking *another* block out of the precarious Jenga tower that was my self-esteem. As he explained to me about my mother, "Even when she thinks she's building you up, she's tearing you down." This is why, even though I may not necessarily still feel resentment (and shouldn't) I need to stay away from her so that she won't accidentally undo all the progress I've made.
2.) The fact that I have been slow to become independent, such as getting a driver's license which I finally did, and being able to hold a job which I'm still working on, is no reflection on my intelligence or my character. People in my life did not want me to feel good about myself and be successful, because then I wouldn't be dependent on them anymore, and they would lose their illusion of being the better, healthier, or stronger one among us. He likened it to:
A.) My struggling to stand on my own two feet, only to have them come along and knock the legs out from under me, so that I have to start over.
B.) Having been buried under a mountain of garbage for years, and having to come out from under it before I can do anything else. Then once I was away from the garbage, I had to cleanse my mind and soul so that I wouldn't continue to smell like the pile I'd been under all that time.
B.) Having been buried under a mountain of garbage for years, and having to come out from under it before I can do anything else. Then once I was away from the garbage, I had to cleanse my mind and soul so that I wouldn't continue to smell like the pile I'd been under all that time.
3.) Yes, contrary to what I've been told, if a whole group of people say one thing, and I say another, it *is* possible I can be right, and they aren't. I need not be so quick to back down. BUT...
4.) Instead of being embroiled in an argument, if I find my emotions becoming involved, just let it go.
In addition, he has helped teach my husband that just because I may cry and be upset, that doesn't mean I'm having a relapse and need professional help. Just plain emotions are normal.
I had progressed from having to see him once every week or two, to only seeing him occasionally during a time of stress. I believe that it's because he is such a good therapist that I have come to need him less over these past few years, and although I'm sorry to lose him, I'm confident I have what it takes to make sure I get another good one.
