Good idea or no? Help!

[OrthodoxLady1994]

So my fiance and I have been together for a little over a year now and known each other for 6 years. Right now it's a long distance relationship with us living in different states but, one day soon it won't be. As soon as he can afford it he's moving to my hometown to be with me and then we're planning to get married and move together out of the state I am currently in. When he does move here, we're considering whether to live together to save costs or get two separate apartments for that year or two where we'll be building our financial reserves and planning the wedding.

He and I both feel very strongly that we do not want to sleep together (or with anyone) until we are married, I know him and he would never force or pressure me into it, thankfully we have the same ideals about this since he is a Christian too. Still, we know that if we move in together it will be more tempting, but it would also allow us to save costs and figure out how compatible we are when we share living space. We have also considered taking a friend of mine in as a roommate to act as a 3rd source of income for expenses and an accountability partner to hold us to our promise to each other that we would wait.

I don't know, right now I just don't know what to do.

 

[Hammster]

Don't live together. In fact, don't even be alone together if you can help it. And if you're serious about getting married, do it quickly.

 

[Bluerose31]

So my fiance and I have been together for a little over a year now and known each other for 6 years. Right now it's a long distance relationship with us living in different states but, one day soon it won't be. As soon as he can afford it he's moving to my hometown to be with me and then we're planning to get married and move together out of the state I am currently in. When he does move here, we're considering whether to live together to save costs or get two separate apartments for that year or two where we'll be building our financial reserves and planning the wedding.

He and I both feel very strongly that we do not want to sleep together (or with anyone) until we are married, I know him and he would never force or pressure me into it, thankfully we have the same ideals about this since he is a Christian too. Still, we know that if we move in together it will be more tempting, but it would also allow us to save costs and figure out how compatible we are when we share living space. We have also considered taking a friend of mine in as a roommate to act as a 3rd source of income for expenses and an accountability partner to hold us to our promise to each other that we would wait.

I don't know, right now I just don't know what to do.

It is best not to live together, that can cause temptations sexually.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

Don't live together. In fact, don't even be alone together if you can help it. And if you're serious about getting married, do it quickly.

We can't really afford to, neither of us can. It will take us about a year to save up and plan. That's just the way it's going to have to be. Might even take two years.

 

[Hammster]

We can't really afford to, neither of us can. It will take us about a year to save up and plan. That's just the way it's going to have to be. Might even take two years.

Save and plan for what?

 

[All4Christ]

So my fiance and I have been together for a little over a year now and known each other for 6 years. Right now it's a long distance relationship with us living in different states but, one day soon it won't be. As soon as he can afford it he's moving to my hometown to be with me and then we're planning to get married and move together out of the state I am currently in. When he does move here, we're considering whether to live together to save costs or get two separate apartments for that year or two where we'll be building our financial reserves and planning the wedding.

He and I both feel very strongly that we do not want to sleep together (or with anyone) until we are married, I know him and he would never force or pressure me into it, thankfully we have the same ideals about this since he is a Christian too. Still, we know that if we move in together it will be more tempting, but it would also allow us to save costs and figure out how compatible we are when we share living space. We have also considered taking a friend of mine in as a roommate to act as a 3rd source of income for expenses and an accountability partner to hold us to our promise to each other that we would wait.

I don't know, right now I just don't know what to do.

I had a similar situation with an out of state fiancé. We had dated for about 7 years already before we were engaged and wanted to move to the same location. I did have a house, so we were debating on having him live there in the guest room. I spoke to my priest about it, and he emphatically said that we should not do that before marriage, even if we were living in separate rooms. (He said that the Orthodox Church teaches against doing that. It is opening up yourself to temptation).

Do you have a guy friend from church who he could room with temporarily? Perhaps he could rent out a room from a church family?

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

For the actual wedding ceremony. I'm about to graduate from university, I have loans, he has GI Bill Benefits thankfully, but will be stuck with part time work until he can get through school, and when we start out, teachers have little to no job security year to year.

 

[All4Christ]

For the actual wedding ceremony. I'm about to graduate from university, I have loans, he has GI Bill Benefits thankfully, but will be stuck with part time work until he can get through school, and when we start out, teachers have little to no job security year to year.

Could you have a small church wedding now and have a larger celebration later once you are more settled?

 

[Hammster]

For the actual wedding ceremony. I'm about to graduate from university, I have loans, he has GI Bill Benefits thankfully, but will be stuck with part time work until he can get through school, and when we start out, teachers have little to no job security year to year.

There was a young couple at church that needed to get married because of job situations, but still wanted to have a big ceremony. They got married at the courthouse and had the big ceremony about six months later.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

It's a possibility, I'd have to check how doable that would be. One issue I need to figure out is how to go about having the ceremony at a larger parish, mine will not fit everyone, even if we did skimp down the guest list to just our families, in the sanctuary. It seriously is that small.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

There was a young couple at church that needed to get married because of job situations, but still wanted to have a big ceremony. They got married at the courthouse and had the big ceremony about six months later.

Honestly, the church ceremony, the actual sacrament of marriage is when we will consider ourselves married, the license is an afterthought, being married in the sight of God is what matters to us.

 

[All4Christ]

There was a young couple at church that needed to get married because of job situations, but still wanted to have a big ceremony. They got married at the courthouse and had the big ceremony about six months later.

I would second this suggestion with the exception of having it be a small church ceremony, as the Orthodox Church requires a church wedding for us to be considered married. (Getting married at the courthouse doesn't count for members of the Orthodox church, unless they were married before they become Orthodox Christians.)

 

[Hammster]

Honestly, the church ceremony, the actual sacrament of marriage is when we will consider ourselves married, the license is an afterthought, being married in the sight of God is what matters to us.

Keeping yourselves pure and avoiding even the appearance of impropriety should be a major consideration. I would take this to your church and ask them for help and guidance.

 

[Hammster]

I would second this suggestion with the exception of having it be a small church ceremony, as the Orthodox Church requires a church wedding for us to be considered married. (Getting married at the courthouse doesn't count for members of the Orthodox church, unless they were married before they become Orthodox Christians.)

That works.

 

[All4Christ]

It's a possibility, I'd have to check how doable that would be. One issue I need to figure out is how to go about having the ceremony at a larger parish, mine will not fit everyone, even if we did skimp down the guest list to just our families, in the sanctuary. It seriously is that small.

A nearby Orthodox Cathedral let us get married there since our parish building was too small even for just our family.

 

[HereIStand]

My wife and I were married and then lived in separate places for about 8 months, then I was transferred to where she lives. We would see each other when we could during that time. It worked out fine in the end. It's good that you are concerned. Many people would just live together without a thought. God Bless.

 

[Winken]

So my fiance and I have been together for a little over a year now and known each other for 6 years. Right now it's a long distance relationship with us living in different states but, one day soon it won't be. As soon as he can afford it he's moving to my hometown to be with me and then we're planning to get married and move together out of the state I am currently in. When he does move here, we're considering whether to live together to save costs or get two separate apartments for that year or two where we'll be building our financial reserves and planning the wedding.

He and I both feel very strongly that we do not want to sleep together (or with anyone) until we are married, I know him and he would never force or pressure me into it, thankfully we have the same ideals about this since he is a Christian too. Still, we know that if we move in together it will be more tempting, but it would also allow us to save costs and figure out how compatible we are when we share living space. We have also considered taking a friend of mine in as a roommate to act as a 3rd source of income for expenses and an accountability partner to hold us to our promise to each other that we would wait.

I don't know, right now I just don't know what to do.

Get married now by proxy. Peace of mind, looking forward to a church setting when possible.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Don't live together. In fact, don't even be alone together if you can help it. And if you're serious about getting married, do it quickly.

agreed.
And I'll add that if you are serious about getting married, it shouldn't have to be a big expensive ordeal that requires you to save for 2 years or go into massive debt for.
so get married quickly.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

Keeping yourselves pure and avoiding even the appearance of impropriety should be a major consideration. I would take this to your church and ask them for help and guidance.

No offense, but the "appearance of impropriety" doesn't really matter. God knows the truth. That is what matters.

 

[Grandpa2390]

No offense, but the "appearance of impropriety" doesn't really matter. God knows the truth. That is what matters.

actually, no.
The bible says that your appearance could hurt your testimony and even cause weaker brothers/sisters to stumble. doing either (especially the latter) is not acceptable in the eyes of God.
Hence why Paul preached a sermon about this to both the Romans and the Church in Corinth.