good idea? bad idea?

[girlofgrace727]

so, a small update for those who havent read any of my other posts...i got an ex-boyfriend who i kinda sorta have feelings for, but dont really, i think its just a holding onto memories deal..and then i have a best friend who i think i could marry...
so my thing is, i want complete closure with my ex, and me and a friend who is in the same situation with her ex, want to just be totally upfront with our ex's and just ask them to be brutally honest and say "theres no chance for us"....so, is a good idea to ask him to say that if he honestly feels it? I want the answer to be 'theres no chance', i dont want any other answer really, i just wanna hear it outta his mouth so i can tell my brain, see, there ya go..now run along
but on the other hand i dont want to make our friendship ackward, because we are still good friends..i just need that closure...what would you do?

 

[InTheFlame]

Hrmmm... I hope this doesn't sound harsh, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from. You want HIM to say 'it's over' so YOU can let go? Why not say to yourself 'it's over' and, if necessary, say it to him? Why, if you're not interested, do you want him to tell you there's no chance?

 

[girlofgrace727]

i want him to say it because sometimes he acts like its not..when he thinks im starting to get over him, he starts flirting and trying to get me to like him..i dont know if he does this on purpose or not..i know it might seem stupid, i've already told myself its over, but the way our relationship went, having him say its over too would just put a ton of closure i think i need..i know it sounds messed up

 

[InTheFlame]

understandably messed-up, at least.

I think rather than demanding a statement from him, you probably need to be tough - walk away or ignore him if he starts flirting. He's probably after the attention and the ego boost that your reaction to his flirting provides, and refusing to give him the attention is most likely the best way to wean him off you.

Of course, this requires that you take a good hard look at him, realise what an immature, unloving little brat he's being, and get over him. And it won't be easy to ignore him when you're used to doing otherwise. Think of it as giving up smoking... really hard at first, but getting a lot easier the longer you stick with it.

Don't fall into the trap of letting him call all the shots even after you're broken up. YOU are responsible for your own life - take charge and refuse to let him control you and get continual ego boosts from you. OK?