Going Through a Rough Time

[super_mog]

Hebrew 10:36

"For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."

I'm sure this applies to relationships too

 

[Surfungus]

Thanks for that passage.

 

[Katty]

Wow... Cali and MN... heh, sounds so very familiar... () anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. When it gets to the point where she's wanting out and she's taken the step to show you that she can disappear, you've missed something along the way. Us girls are not as complicated as you guys may think we are (ooh... keep that on the DL) because when it comes down to it, I think just knowing where we stand with you makes up for a lot of the things that you seem to "fall short of." At this point, you either have to let her go and do her thing, or really find what matters and what she is really seeking from this relationship. Being that I'm not sure of where she's coming from, its hard to say anything more. I wish you the best though.

~Katty

 

[Surfungus]

I always tried to make sure she knew she came before everything, but I guess I didn't do as good a job as I wanted. It feels like being in Minnesota isn't as far away from me as she'd like to be. And it's not jsut her. It feels like everyone that I care about hates me or something. I've never been so hurt before. I just feel completely alone and abandoned by everyone. I know God is there and I pray A LOT, but it still hurts.

 

[Silver Speak]

I've never been so hurt before. I just feel completely alone and abandoned by everyone.

I think everyone feels that way at times I´ll pray for ya.

 

[Surfungus]

Thank you very much.

 

[dreamyluv7]

Long distance is very, very hard. Some people don't want to come off as selfish by wanting you to stay with them- when they can't be there. It is definatly challenging- but hey if you can reconnect and make a pact together then you know you were meant to be. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Surfungus]

This is not getting any easier. It feels like she's doing a lot of things just to hurt me or seperate from me, but everyday she tells me about them. I know she's not meaning to hurt me, but man, my heart gets ripped out and handed to me everyday. I just make sure not to say anything that'll make her mad and try to end every conversation on a good note. It feels like my emotions are jsut being toyed with. I'm sure that's not what she's trying to do, but it's not like I can tell her any of this because I'm trying to take a step back, plus she gets mad at anything I say.

 

[mathias1979]

I'll be honest man...it's not sounding good. You've got to ask yourself, what do you want from her? To me it's kind of like you are expecting all or nothing from her at this point. There's nothing wrong with that, but if that's the case...you guys are on the same page and one of you is going to keep getting hurt at this point (and at this point, it's you). I know it's tough man...but it may be time for you to see how she responds to ending the relationship.

-Matt

 

[Warrior Poet]

Agreed.... you seem to be in the all or nothing stage. This isn't what she wants, thats become apparent. You are making yourseld miserable. Pick yourself up, get that dirt off your shoulder, and start living to live like this is the life you love.
For you bro for you... she is living for herself, you cant change that, so you simply must do the same. It seem its not "us" and "we"....its "you" and "her".
It might just be time to start a new book.... or end this chapter. Time will definitly tell.
Still hanging in there with you man.

Warrior Poet

 

[Surfungus]

Thanks for all your help everyone. Sorry to keep dragging this thread on, but it has helped me tons. I still don't know what's going to happen (although we all seem to have a pretty good idea at this point), but I need to stop thinking of this as a "life or death" situation.

Thanks again, all.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Not to be the downer again, but when I said "suck it up," I wasn't just talking about what you say to her. I'm talking about helping yourself. I know exactly where you're at. I had my entire life planned out with my girlfriend senior year in high school. It took me 5 months and a rebound relationship with a wonderful girl that, thanks to God's grace, I was able to end without hurting her to get over this relationship. All I wanted to do was wallow in self-pity, and that's not healthy

So keep your head up, God's in control. I know it's easy to nit-pick everything she says and twisting it into sounding like it's hurting you, but I'm very sure that she wouldn't do that. Remember, God's not fair: if he was, we'd never have grace

 

[mathias1979]

You've got to remember...we all go through tough breakups at some point in our life. And unfortunately, sometimes it feels like you won't find anything better. Therefore, you think the best thing to do is hang onto it hoping her heart will change. But what you've got to do is just move on. It will hurt...but all of us can speak from experience. We have all felt the same things, and eventually we have to move down. Now we look back and can't figure out why we didn't thing would ever get better. You'll hurt for awhile man, but we promise, eventually things will get better. Just hang on to God!

-Matt

 

[blondez724]

Hi everyone,

I'm pretty new to these boards, and feel kind of silly posting my problems here. Anyway, for two years I have been with the love of my life. Well, up until about two months ago. I've never felt anything so wonderful as what we had together. We both live in California, but she occassionally has to make quite lengthy trips back to Minnesota (where she's from). She had to go away for three months after we had been dating for about 6 months. It was very hard, but we loved each other so much and made it through a long time apart. When she got back it was the most wonderful thing. Every second of every day was just so full of joy. Now I am pretty sure that all the problems we are now facing are my fault. While I always told her that I loved her and tried to always do what was right, I became selfish. I ended up taking her for granted. I didn't make sure she went to sleep each night secure in knowing that I loved her and was always there for her, and all of those things that everyone deserves to go to bed each night knowing. Now, about two months ago she told me she had to go away again, but she didn't know for how long. It could be another few months like last time, or more than a year. She said she couldn't handle a long distance relationship and that we were better of not being in a relationship while she was gone. This is the last thing I wanted, but I agreed because I wanted to do whatever would make a hard situation easier on her. A few weeks before she left I finally told her that I didn't think it was right for us to set aside something as wonderful as what we had. She was firm in her idea that we should not be together while she was gone. She said she didn't want me to waste my time on her, and that we might be able to be together whenever she comes back, but nothing certain. I know that if I had always been more loving to her, this would all be different. I was never abusive to her, and I never cheated on her or anything like that, but I just didn't pay enough attention to her feelings and needs. She left last Friday. She has become so cold and depressed it's tearing me apart. Last night I was able to talk to her for a long time. I told her everything I was feeling. I really apologized for the mistakes I had made, and told her what I've learned. She used to always believe we were soulmates (something I really still believe), and now she doesn't even believe in soulmates. I'm praying for her to have the strength to overcome the struggles in her life. I know that if we are soulmates we will be together.

I did a really bad job explaining this situation, but I just needed to get it out somehow. These last few months have been so sad and agonizing for me. I'm in constant pain because I know I did something that hurt the person I loved most, and now things are a complete mess. I miss her so much, and still love her with all my heart. Thanks for reading all of that.

Hey Sweetie! OK, I don't mean to sound mean or anything.... I don't think it's your fault at all. I just think she maybe wasn't meant for you. Don't be sad about it... life goes on. You'll meet someone. God'll take care of ya. Relationships are so confusing. I've had a lot of them and I know when guys are more clingly sometimes it can make the relatinship worse. Let God bring someone to you. And, be happy **bless*
**Chrissy**

 

[Surfungus]

Thanks. She's already been gone for nearly a month, and it still hurts as much as the day she left. I've been trying not to just sit and dwell on it, but it just hurts. I know most people have probably felt something similar, but it still hurts so bad. I wish there was something I could do.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Just stop thinking about her. The more you think about missing her and think about thinking about her and think about trying not to think about her, the more you think about her. Go to a baseball game. Play video games. Run a marathon. Get out and do something.

 

[Surfungus]

Well she's been pretty cold to me lately. She told me about a week ago she was missing me and that she didn't want a relationship with anyone. Today I found out she's dating some other dude. I guess that pretty much ends this story.

 

[super_mog]

Well she's been pretty cold to me lately. She told me about a week ago she was missing me and that she didn't want a relationship with anyone. Today I found out she's dating some other dude. I guess that pretty much ends this story.

I'm sorry man. All I can say is don't give up. Nowhere in the Bible does it tell us to give up hope. You may have to alter it or God will give you something better. God is working in your situation. Things are not always as they seem...put your trust in the Lord. Later!

2 Corinthians 5:7
"(For we walk by faith, not by sight"

 

[Tinydancer19]

"These last few months have been so sad and agonizing for me. I'm in constant pain because I know I did something that hurt the person I loved most, and now things are a complete mess. I miss her so much, and still love her with all my heart. Thanks for reading all of that."

This is all that matters...You still feel that she is your soulmate and you are loving her with all your heart.

Now I will admit it completely crushes a girl when she can't go to asleep at night because the one she loves and puts her whole heart into is taking her for granted and putting in less effort. It crushes us for we start to feel as if we are the only ones putting effort into the relationship and thats wears us out for a while.

The reason why I know this is because i've been there. and it kills a relationship. Everyone knows a relationship takes the effort of two. Now your experiencing the part where she is fed up with trying and gas given up. So now you feel alone in the relationship cause its gone.

I do I feel bad because sometimes guys don't see how much pain us girls suck up and take during the relationship. You see all we want to do is make you happy...and when you take us for granted it makes us not feel good enough for you. It drains us. Thats how she is right now. She is drained from not being loved. All you can do now is pray and show her how much you love her and how you will never ever allow her to think or feel any different. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here. I've just been through this. At least you realized how much you wree taking her for granted and how much you really do want her in your life. Just keep praying. I'll pray for you. Just don't give up...girls will realize...but its earning our trust back...it takes time. You just have to put in three times the effort now. But i can't promise she'll come back to you.

 

[Surfungus]

It's just gotten to the point where she's been way to mean to me over the last month or so. I know I did things that hurt her, but I realized my mistakes and stopped. She's just always angry at me for being here, and now she's decided to date someone else. I have no ill feelings towards her, and still love and care for her. But even though I have made mistakes, I deserve better than to just be strung along while she's with other guys. She's a completely different person since she moved. So confusing.