going nowhere

[meebs]

hi - since this has moved here i can finally talk to others about the way i feel.

Since ive been 14 years old i have had suicidal feelings. Im always depressed, bored and angry. These rarely ever stop, im never happy and people are sick of my complaning including myself.

The only reason im on this planet is i guess my family, who'd be upset if i did it.

My only ambitions in life would to have a family of my own, study science especially Physics related (astrophysics!) and travel a little.

My problems preventing this is - im not attractive and many men dont like me cos im not "girly" enough, i have no money and im thick. I was told im dyslexic but i just dont beleive it. Everytime i mention my problems people say theyve got the same thing so im figuring my dyslexia is a lie. As for physics, people have told me that i should focus my interests elsewhere and forget science. Problem is im always curious and the fact i enjoy science, but i feel that im at a dead end on that because of my math problems.

My life sucks, im boring, dont know how to make freinds cant stick a job therefore no money. Im still at my parents and failing at university (this is my last chance for funding so if i fail, i cant repeat - ever)

im aware that not many people care and have found that people dont get what they want.

My main thing is family, to meet that guy and have kids seems like an impossible dream, about as realistic as becoming an Astronaught.
how can i even carry on like this, i love my family but... well lets say i threatened to kill them the other day, which in my own eyes dis-qualifies me to be a parent.i dont want anti-depressents, they make me feel worse but passive. need money to have a good diet.

i dont even know why im bothering here. There is no-one to turn to.

im not kidding, this is how i feel. Sometimes i can have a laugh but inside i feel worthless all the time.

i know this is a christian site, im not after prayer cos i dont believe (and i dont beleive due to reason, not "feelings" )

 

[Celtic Camel]

Hey, I know you said you don't want prayer, but I'll pray for you anyway...
People do care... just sometimes they don't show cause they don't know how to or they do show it, but in a form we don't understand or recognised.
I wish I had something to say that could help...just know you aren't alone and if we can keep hope alive, tomorrow will seem just that little bit brighter.
With love,
Celtic

 

[meebs]

thankyou

well i'll say something positive even if its not great. its a nice sunshiney day!

 

[FlyerBoy]

hi - since this has moved here i can finally talk to others about the way i feel.

Since ive been 14 years old i have had suicidal feelings. Im always depressed, bored and angry. These rarely ever stop, im never happy and people are sick of my complaning including myself.

The only reason im on this planet is i guess my family, who'd be upset if i did it.

My only ambitions in life would to have a family of my own, study science especially Physics related (astrophysics!) and travel a little.

My problems preventing this is - im not attractive and many men dont like me cos im not "girly" enough, i have no money and im thick. I was told im dyslexic but i just dont beleive it. Everytime i mention my problems people say theyve got the same thing so im figuring my dyslexia is a lie. As for physics, people have told me that i should focus my interests elsewhere and forget science. Problem is im always curious and the fact i enjoy science, but i feel that im at a dead end on that because of my math problems.

My life sucks, im boring, dont know how to make freinds cant stick a job therefore no money. Im still at my parents and failing at university (this is my last chance for funding so if i fail, i cant repeat - ever)

im aware that not many people care and have found that people dont get what they want.

My main thing is family, to meet that guy and have kids seems like an impossible dream, about as realistic as becoming an Astronaught.
how can i even carry on like this, i love my family but... well lets say i threatened to kill them the other day, which in my own eyes dis-qualifies me to be a parent.i dont want anti-depressents, they make me feel worse but passive. need money to have a good diet.

i dont even know why im bothering here. There is no-one to turn to.

im not kidding, this is how i feel. Sometimes i can have a laugh but inside i feel worthless all the time.

i know this is a christian site, im not after prayer cos i dont believe (and i dont beleive due to reason, not "feelings" )

Hey if you ever need anyone to talk to you can send me a message or something. I would love to try and help you. I have helped other members on CF. I used to feel the way you do. But I found ways around it. So if you need someone to talk to feel free to message me.

Take care,
Jacob

 

[hungrytiger]

hi - since this has moved here i can finally talk to others about the way i feel.

Since ive been 14 years old i have had suicidal feelings. Im always depressed, bored and angry. These rarely ever stop, im never happy and people are sick of my complaning including myself.

Being sick of you complaning is not the same thing as being sick of you.

The only reason im on this planet is i guess my family, who'd be upset if i did it.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

My only ambitions in life would to have a family of my own, study science especially Physics related (astrophysics!) and travel a little.

Physics rocks! I recently got a degree in physics myself and I like to travel. Having a family of your own is a beautiful ambition too. But you got to be careful and not let these ambitions consume you. It's wonderful to have these kind of goals and to believe and try to reach them, but we shouldn't believe that our happiness or worth needs to depend on them.

My problems preventing this is - im not attractive and many men dont like me cos im not "girly" enough, i have no money and im thick. I was told im dyslexic but i just dont beleive it. Everytime i mention my problems people say theyve got the same thing so im figuring my dyslexia is a lie. As for physics, people have told me that i should focus my interests elsewhere and forget science. Problem is im always curious and the fact i enjoy science, but i feel that im at a dead end on that because of my math problems.

If you do pursue physics, the odds are in your favor. I went to a school that specialized in math, science, and engineering. Here in America anyway, men still dominate those fields. So, not only are there special scholarships and stuff for women in those fields, but you're at a school were there's more boys than girls, hence more of a chance for a gal to hook a guy Also if you're really interested in science and stuff, there's lots of guys who share your interests.

Physics is rather math intensive though. I could be wrong, but I think it can be one of the most math intensive sciences. I have known people who really struggled with math to do well in it though. I'd encourage you to go ahead and give it a try, even if you decide to not stick with it, it seems that physics is one of those things that you can use in most any of the other sciences or in engineering. But maybe that's just 'cause I like physics.

My life sucks, im boring, dont know how to make freinds cant stick a job therefore no money. Im still at my parents and failing at university (this is my last chance for funding so if i fail, i cant repeat - ever)

Ever? That sounds rather severe. Why do you think this is your last chance?

im aware that not many people care and have found that people dont get what they want.

A lot of people do care. Sometimes people don't get what they want. But sometimes they do. Thinking positive doesn't gaurantee that things will work, but thinking negative sure doesn't help.

My main thing is family, to meet that guy and have kids seems like an impossible dream, about as realistic as becoming an Astronaught.

It's not impossible. You say you aren't attractive, aren't "girly" enough, don't have money, and that you're thick. Well, I doubt those are all true. Besides, you don't need those things to have a family. There are plenty of counterexamples out there. So, it's not impossible.

how can i even carry on like this, i love my family but... well lets say i threatened to kill them the other day, which in my own eyes dis-qualifies me to be a parent.i dont want anti-depressents, they make me feel worse but passive. need money to have a good diet.

Does it disqualify you in their eyes?

i dont even know why im bothering here. There is no-one to turn to.

im not kidding, this is how i feel. Sometimes i can have a laugh but inside i feel worthless all the time.

i know this is a christian site, im not after prayer cos i dont believe (and i dont beleive due to reason, not "feelings" )

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I know you aren't worthless. I hope you can learn to see that too.

 

[meebs]

aww thankyou all. i wrote this when i was feeling one of my worst. i hate it when that happens but its a constant thing. ive been trying to do positive things. get to the states, im doing a surf camp. Learning new things...

 

[meebs]

Ever? That sounds rather severe. Why do you think this is your last chance?

in my country. ive tried physics before, i failed but then i didnt know about my "disabilty". then i went to uni again last year. failed again and then learned of my problem. now im on my 3rd first year. i get a student loan as i cant afford fees! but this is my final chance for the loan. so i cant repeat anymore first years.

however if i egt the money oneday i will try physics, but anyway i have to focus on this degree. i try to do stuff in my own time but can only go so far to when i get stuck.

thanks i try hard to feel better.