Going it alone

[when_it_rains]

Hey guys

I'd love your input on this one.

Basically, my girlfriend goes to a church that she's been a part of for many years, I tag along sometimes, but I just don't feel connected. I hate to say it, but it feels asthough the people that attend the church are content to turn up on a Sunday morning, and then do nothing for the following week. I want more than that.

I know of a church nearby that has the 18-30 age range as it's target audience, however I don't know anyone that goes there. My girlfriend is set in her ways, and has very close relationships with the people in her current church, so asking her to go is kinda out of the question. What I'd love to know is, has anyone ever just turned up at a new church one day, without knowing anyone there, in an attempt to "fit in"? Any help, tips or advice you can offer would be brilliant

Thanks

 

[eugeneandbobo]

yeah man, i've just shown up at a couple different churches. its a good determiner of the feel of the body in that church. you dont need to try to "fit in". you have your ideas and ways of the way church should be done. you should be open to things, but dont accept whats going on at the church. going to a new church is kind of fun, but you need to be careful about where youre getting fed.

also, i dont think it would be out of the question to ask her to go with you. if she says no, then its ok. i would at least talk to her and bring it up.


...hope it helps

 

[MysticAngel]

You should definitely check out some of those churches. You might find one where you feel you 'belong' in, and even if you don't, you have nothing to lose right?

 

[codya517]

Well, you could go to this church and see if it is awesome and if it is, then bring her along for "just one sunday" or if they do evening services too, ask her to come during the evening, or bible study. I mean i go to two churches and just kind of go where I feel the Lord wants me. But scope it out and if it is a great church, convince her to try it for a bible study weekday or evening service and who knows, she might get hooked.

 

[E.C.]

I've arrived and 'fit in' with all the churches in my Church. No matter if they were in Seattle or in Miami.

Same worship and faith, within all parishes of a Church, helps much.

 

[Alizera]

I'm in kinda the same dilemma as you. My boyfriend is Church of Christ and I'm Episcopalian. He's never been the churchgoing type. I recently really regularly started attending church services and I went to the Episcopal church. I love the sermon and there people there so I really don't want to change it.

I did go to one Church of Christ service with my boyfriend and didn't get much out of it. When my boyfriend comes to see me during the weekends, we'll go to my Episcopal church. My boyfriend says he really enjoys the sermons but not really the service itself.

I think it's more of a thing of what we grew up with and what we're comfortable with. I'm like your girlfriend -- I'm very connected with the church where I go. I'll be you could at least get her to go with you for one sermon, though.

Good luck!

 

[when_it_rains]

I COULD get her to come along, but I don't know if I want to straight away! She's been a Christian since LONG before we got together (and we're approaching 4 years! eek!) , I've been a Christian for 6 or 7 months. I don't feel intimidated by her at all, I'm just at much more of a primitive stage in my faith than her, do you get what I mean?

I think I'm being told that this is something I have to at least start on my own. But I'm so scared. I'm not the shyest of people, but I'm not brimming with self confidence either. But the thought of getting together with a group of people who probably all know each other really well, and me being on my own, I don't know if I can handle that!

 

[eugeneandbobo]

I COULD get her to come along, but I don't know if I want to straight away!

why not? yall should be acting together. you should let her go with you and then and yall should talk about it...

 

[E.C.]

Now that I have time to actually respond properly...

Hey guys

I'd love your input on this one.

Basically, my girlfriend goes to a church that she's been a part of for many years, I tag along sometimes, but I just don't feel connected. I hate to say it, but it feels asthough the people that attend the church are content to turn up on a Sunday morning, and then do nothing for the following week. I want more than that.

That is good! A poor spot on the record of Western Christianity is the lack of community in the parish (maybe some parishes are very close, but in my experience in Protestant, Roman Catholic and non-denom parishes, there was little community). A close community among the people is important. When one person grieves, all grieve. When one person is joyous, all are joyous. That sort of thing because when we know the people we worship with, then that creates opportunities to do more than just worship on Sundays. Maybe theirs an old lady who has a jungle of a yard that needs help getting it under control. In a close community than she can not only ask for help but also get it from people within the church and not have to pay a dime (well, maybe food and drink, but that's just me).

I know of a church nearby that has the 18-30 age range as it's target audience, however I don't know anyone that goes there. My girlfriend is set in her ways, and has very close relationships with the people in her current church, so asking her to go is kinda out of the question. What I'd love to know is, has anyone ever just turned up at a new church one day, without knowing anyone there, in an attempt to "fit in"? Any help, tips or advice you can offer would be brilliant

Thanks

Although I have my disgrunts about churches with a 'target audience', I'll attempt to help.

-Do not expect anything. Do not expect to be either greated as if you were president or a bum. Only expect to be in God's protection.
-Attend a new church several times. Who knows? Maybe that baby that screamed the whole hour or so was just having an off day and is normally quiet.
-Be friendly.

 

[codya517]

After getting saved, there comes a time when every christian has to stand on his own faith. Happened to me kind of early on, but it made me stronger and it will make you stronger as well. Remember your ultimate loyalty lies with God and one thing you are meant to do is seek out God and be "fed" by a true man of God in the "pulpit". The Lord is with you, nothing can stand against the Lord. If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading 1st John (Epistle of John, not the Gospel) That is a great foundational book.

 

[ephesus32]

I dont believe you need to try to fit in. Hopefully the church will be an inviting place where the people show you the love of God they believe in.

 

[elduderrino]

"I COULD get her to come along, but I don't know if I want to straight away! She's been a Christian since LONG before we got together (and we're approaching 4 years! eek!) , I've been a Christian for 6 or 7 months. I don't feel intimidated by her at all, I'm just at much more of a primitive stage in my faith than her, do you get what I mean?

I think I'm being told that this is something I have to at least start on my own. But I'm so scared. I'm not the shyest of people, but I'm not brimming with self confidence either. But the thought of getting together with a group of people who probably all know each other really well, and me being on my own, I don't know if I can handle that!"


Brother, i was in that same situation when i was starting out on my journey.
I was actually attending 3 different churches! I couldn't make up my mind on where to stay. One church was more mellow and had older folks (40+ ages) that made up the congregation, and the worship service wasn't that intense.
The second church had an AWESOME worship service with comtemporary music. That place (Southgate) has def. got the anointing of God.
And the third was my friend's father's online ministry, and while it has an awesome mission and all that, it's just not for me because there's barely anyone to physically interact with.
I go to Southgate now. I suggest that you pour your heart out to God, ask Him where he wants you go. You might wanna just "try out" the church. And talk with your girl about this issue, i'm sure she'll understand. Just tell her where your standing and why.

Peace and grace to you my brother!

 

[when_it_rains]

Thanks, guys! I've still not got the courage up to go along, I think I'm gonna make it a kind of new years resolution to find a church that I'm passionate and excited about, and go to it!! Pray for me!

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Thanks, guys! I've still not got the courage up to go along, I think I'm gonna make it a kind of new years resolution to find a church that I'm passionate and excited about, and go to it!! Pray for me!

That's a good idea about the New Year's Resolution

You sound like a very excited and passionate new Christian. Good for you. I have a warning for you, based on that: Don't count on it to always be this way. And the reason I bring that up? Is to emphasize the importance of finding a church youa re passionate and excited about, and doing it -now- is the perfect time, rather than later.

Take relationships for instance.. love ebbs and flows like a tide, it may be intense one day and weak on another, this is normal. Faith is similar to love. Passion and excitement for God can also ebb and flow.

In the weak times, what you have available to you to carry you through back to intensity, could potentially be quite important. A church is one of those things. Find a church you adore. And when perhaps the day will come when the intensity is not as bright as it once was.. look around you in that church, and remember the intensity you once had, and see it in others.

Attending a church where no one is enthusiastic about it.. what will that do for you? In a time of need? Absolutely nothing. Surround yourself with excitement for God, and do it now, so that it will continue in the future, especially when you really need it the most.

It could be very fundamental to you continuing to have a strong faith over the years and decades before you.