- Nov 9, 2019
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Because I have both Religious OCD and wavering faith at best, I have been seeking salvation by Jesus Christ the Lord for over 14 years and have never been able to hold onto assurance of salvation. My most recent thread was “I cannot bring myself to trust” in “Struggles by Non-Christians.” After an extended discussion with caring Hazelelponi, I came to the understanding I am a Christian. But as usual, doubt again followed and I have gone back to Jesus for salvation numerous times since then. Each time I give my life to Christ, I mean it sincerely. But because my faith wavers on a moment-by-moment basis, one to a few moments after sincerely asking Christ to “Take Me!”, I waver back to living for self on a moment-by-moment basis. It seems I cannot take the first step or steps in the Christian walk because my faith wavers that severely. Not being able to take the first step drives doubt of being really saved in the first place.
I have long had a concern about the line or chasm between God’s will and my will. I was raised in the belief that I should use my brain/mind to figure things out and to decide on courses of action. I once wrote in a post on this forum something to the effect of: “Gospel tracts often say that God has a wonderful plan for your life. But I have a wonderful plan for my life.”
I once explained this concern to a pastor. He asked me what I had for breakfast. Then he asked me about my decision as to which shirt to wear for the day. He asked if I thought I was out of God’s will in making those decisions. I said, no. He went on to indicate that it is up to us to make various decisions, apparently including things like career, where to live and maybe even whom to marry. I have thought about that, but I am not so sure.
I heard a true story about a man whose daughter had done something bad and he sent her up to her room. As dinner time approached, she called down “Can I come down for supper?” He said “Yes.” He said she did not have to keep asking detailed questions during supper. For instance she did not have to ask, “Dad, can I put my next biteful of food on my fork?” “Dad, can I place the next forkful of food in my mouth?” “Dad, can I chew and swallow my mouthful of food?” Etc. He said that if she had asked questions like that, he would have run away from home. This story was part of a teaching on God’s will.
I could see his point except for the fact that it seems like a slippery slope between “Dad, can I come down for dinner?” and “Dad, can I take my next bite of food?” Where do you draw the line? We can use our brains to, say, as a kid, learn ‘don’t put your finger into an electrical socket’ and so it would seem, we could use our brains to figure out our career, where we are going to live, and whom we are going to marry.
My question is, can one be a born-again Christian, be in the will of God, be being led by the Spirit, and still have the latitude to use their brain to decide what to do next? For that matter, to decide what to do in the next sixty seconds?
I would understand that one should aim for being in the will of God. But with my wavering faith, I can try to sincerely ask Jesus that His will be done, not mine, as some pray, but only keep that commitment up sincerely for one to a few moments. Then I waver away and it’s back to living for myself, moment by moment, after that. This propensity drives doubt of salvation.
And yet I really want eternal life. I have repeatedly gone to God about this in intense sincerity.
The problem might be due to a past (present?) cynical approach in which I want the security of being saved yet to continue to live for myself, moment by moment. A person with such a cynical approach may not be savable. This leads to asking Christ to be my Lord and Savior, thinking for a moment that I have been saved, then immediately pulling back to go my own way. One idea is that God might be giving me what I am seeking: salvation in a moment, but, since I pull back, doubting salvation the next. Or he may be looking down at my cynical approach and saying, this guy is not serious. I cannot save him.
I have sought and doubted salvation, in a sense, continually (really, repeatedly) for over 14 years since my mother died. I have been dysfunctional and unable to do anything else, such as work to earn a living. I am liable to run out of resources and not be able to afford to live.
Yesterday is an example. I thought I had really, sincerely, come to Christ and been saved. Turning from seeking salvation to taking care of scheduled, practical matters, I got stymied by the thought that I am really doing my will, not God’s.
Let me give a hypothetical example. Suppose, one is about to take out the garbage. But first, one wants to make sure they belong to Christ and are saved. They sincerely give their life to Christ, then turn to taking out the garbage. As they start to take out the garbage, in their heart they think, “I am doing this for me. I am doing this of, by and for myself. I am doing this of my own will, under my own power, for my own purposes.” Their commitment to Christ is gone now that they have turned to carry out a task. It is like, in my heart, I think that the only practical way to get things done is to do them in, of, by and for myself. The only practical way to live is to live for myself, moment by moment. I can try to live for Christ for a moment, but then it’s back to real life, the next moment.
I have long had a concern about the line or chasm between God’s will and my will. I was raised in the belief that I should use my brain/mind to figure things out and to decide on courses of action. I once wrote in a post on this forum something to the effect of: “Gospel tracts often say that God has a wonderful plan for your life. But I have a wonderful plan for my life.”
I once explained this concern to a pastor. He asked me what I had for breakfast. Then he asked me about my decision as to which shirt to wear for the day. He asked if I thought I was out of God’s will in making those decisions. I said, no. He went on to indicate that it is up to us to make various decisions, apparently including things like career, where to live and maybe even whom to marry. I have thought about that, but I am not so sure.
I heard a true story about a man whose daughter had done something bad and he sent her up to her room. As dinner time approached, she called down “Can I come down for supper?” He said “Yes.” He said she did not have to keep asking detailed questions during supper. For instance she did not have to ask, “Dad, can I put my next biteful of food on my fork?” “Dad, can I place the next forkful of food in my mouth?” “Dad, can I chew and swallow my mouthful of food?” Etc. He said that if she had asked questions like that, he would have run away from home. This story was part of a teaching on God’s will.
I could see his point except for the fact that it seems like a slippery slope between “Dad, can I come down for dinner?” and “Dad, can I take my next bite of food?” Where do you draw the line? We can use our brains to, say, as a kid, learn ‘don’t put your finger into an electrical socket’ and so it would seem, we could use our brains to figure out our career, where we are going to live, and whom we are going to marry.
My question is, can one be a born-again Christian, be in the will of God, be being led by the Spirit, and still have the latitude to use their brain to decide what to do next? For that matter, to decide what to do in the next sixty seconds?
I would understand that one should aim for being in the will of God. But with my wavering faith, I can try to sincerely ask Jesus that His will be done, not mine, as some pray, but only keep that commitment up sincerely for one to a few moments. Then I waver away and it’s back to living for myself, moment by moment, after that. This propensity drives doubt of salvation.
And yet I really want eternal life. I have repeatedly gone to God about this in intense sincerity.
The problem might be due to a past (present?) cynical approach in which I want the security of being saved yet to continue to live for myself, moment by moment. A person with such a cynical approach may not be savable. This leads to asking Christ to be my Lord and Savior, thinking for a moment that I have been saved, then immediately pulling back to go my own way. One idea is that God might be giving me what I am seeking: salvation in a moment, but, since I pull back, doubting salvation the next. Or he may be looking down at my cynical approach and saying, this guy is not serious. I cannot save him.
I have sought and doubted salvation, in a sense, continually (really, repeatedly) for over 14 years since my mother died. I have been dysfunctional and unable to do anything else, such as work to earn a living. I am liable to run out of resources and not be able to afford to live.
Yesterday is an example. I thought I had really, sincerely, come to Christ and been saved. Turning from seeking salvation to taking care of scheduled, practical matters, I got stymied by the thought that I am really doing my will, not God’s.
Let me give a hypothetical example. Suppose, one is about to take out the garbage. But first, one wants to make sure they belong to Christ and are saved. They sincerely give their life to Christ, then turn to taking out the garbage. As they start to take out the garbage, in their heart they think, “I am doing this for me. I am doing this of, by and for myself. I am doing this of my own will, under my own power, for my own purposes.” Their commitment to Christ is gone now that they have turned to carry out a task. It is like, in my heart, I think that the only practical way to get things done is to do them in, of, by and for myself. The only practical way to live is to live for myself, moment by moment. I can try to live for Christ for a moment, but then it’s back to real life, the next moment.
