So I have it in my mind that it is only by Gods grace that I am saved and that I know him. That it his His grace that keeps me from falling away from him and His grace that allows me grow in Him.
Is it by Gods grace that I don't sin? By his grace that allows me to repent? Or is it by my sheer free will and determination that I choose to go back to God after sinning?
Like how God takes his hand of of Pharoahs heart which causes his natural state of disbelief and rebellion against God.
If it is by Gods grace that I don't sin against him then how come when I Pray "God give me the grace/strength to not sin against you today" and I most of the time still end up not having the strength. Why would he allow a sincere prayer like that to go unanswered and allow my own freewill to work against what's best for me in Him?
I sin even though I ask for his grace so that my free will will honor him. Is it His fault now that I sinned?
I think you have a very wide view of what is God's grace.
Plainly God's main grace to us is that while we were enemies of God, God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us and offer us reconciliation back to Himself through His Son's shed blood on the cross.
Not only are we reconciled with God through Christ, but we are also Children of God, heirs of God. We are part of God's family, we have been adopted into God's family and we everyday have the communion with the creator of all that is and will ever be.
You and I will live eternally with God forever as sons and daughters, beloved and cherished.
That is the foundation of grace.
Now, I think that you should realize that all that is offered to us through faith in Christ and Christ is the only foundation for grace and all grace is in Him and through Him.
We are sealed in the New Covenant, in Christ's blood with the Holy Spirit (Read Romans 4, 5, 6) and it is through the Spirit that we are convicted of sin and live a life of sanctification and become sanctified or more like Christ, but His grace is that He JUSTIFIES us in Himself when we are saved in Him. Understand justification and sanctification and I think it will help a little with your questions.
Does that make sense or do you need more explanation? I can explain more if you need it.
The other thing I wanted to add is that we are not defined by sin in Christ. What I mean by that is that sin cannot remove us from God because His grace was never based on sin or lack of sin as we all sin and continue to sin. Sin definately puts a separation between man and God, but Jesus is just and faithful to forgive our sins when we come to Him in repentance. Repenting of sin is very important and is what puts us back on the right track, so to speak with God. God's Word says that when we repent, God cleanses us of all unrighteousness and after sin has been forgiven Christ casts our sin as far as the east is from the west.
What we continue to experience because of our own sin and others sin against us and the rest of mankind is natural ramifications from sin, it's consequences. But that does not mean our sin has not been forgiven, what we are dealing with is life with sin in it. That is why Christ tells us to focus on the things of the spirit or spiritual things, in Him and not of the world, because the reprucussions of sin is all over this life. It is in Him and our relationship with Him, knowing our home is in heaven and those spiritual things of God and not the life we have on this earth.
I hope that puts sin in a little more perspective for you.
That is why Christ tells us to focus on our hearts and our desires. If our desires are for earthly things, than our desires are of this world and not of the spiritual things of God. The desires of the flesh (or of the things of this world) are constantly at odds with the desires of the spirit (or the things of our real home which is heaven).
