God Is Real: Testimony of a Former Atheist and Agnostic Non-Believer

[Cooker]

This story starts on the day after my brother Michael's funeral. It had been 10 days since he was murdered and I had been in the deepest worst pain I have ever experienced for every single minute of those 10 days. I couldn't eat for the first 3-4 days. The torment was persistent and unbearable. I had gotten my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] together enough to speak at the funeral and keep it together but besides that I was a mess. I didn't believe in God. My brother was just dead and gone. At the funeral while people were praying I was just staring at the floor. I was even getting angry at the people who kept saying everything was OK because he was in Heaven. They didn't know it but it was [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ing me off. I felt like they were copping out of dealing with reality. On the day after the funeral, everybody from out of town was starting to head home and I went over to my Mom's house to be with her where I told her about a terrible thought I had had. I said "I've been having this terrible thought and it feels [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty and narcistic to even say but if God were to be real and nothing is a coincidence, could this be some twisted awful way of getting my attention." My Mom told me she had had the same thought and went on to tell me about how my brother found God and was saved while in jail and that they would talk about my spirituality out of concern. My brother had told her "Mom, if we are in Heaven and Steve (me) is in hell, I will go into hell and get him out." She told me more about how important religion had become to my brother while in jail. I didn't know because every time he wanted to talk to me about it I would shut it down and even get angry. I had made up my mind that religion was simply a fairy tale tool to control stupid people and didn't want to waste my time talking to him about it. She also told me that she wanted to learn about Archangel Michael because my brother would talk about him a lot. When she told me that I had a memory of when I was about 7 or 8 years old, my brother would have been 5 or 6, and we were at my Dad's place on Christmas morning opening presents. I had asked for X-men toys and opened a box that contained a dozen or 2 X-men action figures and this made my brother suddenly want X-Men toys too. The problem was that he hadn't asked for them and when he opened his last present and realized he hadn't received any X-Men toys he started to cry. This made my dad feel terrible and he pulled me aside to tell me to give some to my brother and he would get me more later. I was a selfish kid and decided to give my brother what I deemed the lame X-Men. I gave him a couple action figures that I had duplicates of and a 'glider' that had wings and a rubber band to launch like a sling shot and it would glide and fly on it's way down to the ground. He loved the glider and the character was Archangel. We spent that morning gliding it down endlessly from my Dad's loft in his condo. There wasn't much significance to this memory but it comes in play a little later.

After that conversation, I went out on the back porch at my Mom's house and decided to reach out to an old friend from middle school I had recently reconnected with because I wanted to help his charitable organization with by offering my company's marketing services. We didn't stay in touch over the years but I knew that he was a religious man, so I sent him a message where I told him I had been having a feeling that I should go to his church and asked him where he goes to church. He responded by telling me where he goes and inviting me to go with him, but he added that he was going to be out of town the next 2 Sundays so I would have to go on the 3rd Sunday or after if I wanted to go with him. I told him I'd go with him on the 3rd Sunday.

That day I had been listening to some emo song I used to listen to because the lyrics were exactly what I was feeling. I was playing the song on repeat all day every time I drove anywhere. These are the lyrics to the song and this is how I felt:

What doesn't kill you
Makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take
One more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not OK and it's not all right
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself
Don't let me drown
Who will make me fight?
Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself
Don't let me drown

What doesn't destroy you
Leaves you broken instead
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take

One more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the worlds getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not OK and it's not all right
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself
Don't let me drown
Who will make me fight?
Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself
Don't let me drown

'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own

Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now?

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself
Don't let me drown

Link to video: [video=youtube;TkV5709EG5M]

When I got home that night, my house was empty. I live with 2 roommates in a 4br house but they were both out of town that weekend and none of my friends were around. It was very quiet and I was feeling so terrible and alone. The pain wouldn't stop and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it so bad that I started doing something I considered insane, I started praying. I prayed to God and this was my prayer: "God, please help me. Please give me the power and tools to do an enormous amount of good for this world. Please give me the tools to help me find you. I know that you can't bring my brother back but if there is any way to do so, could you please let me know that he's OK. a--" I couldn't say amen. I couldn't end the prayer. I started to feel something. It was really light and faint but it started to feel more prominent very rapidly. I started to feel hands on my chest, then rubbing my arms lightly, then back to my chest. I could feel that it was my brother. It felt like I was with my brother. I didn't want it to end so I just stayed there in basked in the experience until it became known to me that it couldn't go on forever and had to end before it suddenly stopped. I said amen after that and stood up. I was very confused. I knew what I felt but it was very weird and I was more convinced I might be going crazy than anything.

I went outback to have a cigarette and pulled up YouTube on my phone and searched "Jordan Peterson God" which lead me to a video segment where he was talking about why he believes in God on a Joe Rogan Podcast. I look back on this now as kind of an appetizer or prelude to what happened next.

Link to video: [video=youtube;28i3lWxW5xs]

After the Jordan Peterson video I remembered the conversation me and my Mom had that day and how my brother was in to Archangel Michael so I searched YouTube for 'Archangel Michael' and noticed the first video that came up because of the imagery but started to scroll down and peruse the results before I had the idea that I should just go watch that first video even though it was over 17 minutes long. I told myself that I was going to watch it beginning to end no matter what and I hit play. After 2 or 3 minutes I wanted to turn it off. I didn't like it. It was weird and transcribed in a robotic voice. It seemed off but I reminded myself that I was going to watch it all the way through and kept going. By the time the video got to the 10ish minute mark I was in tears because I was convinced I was hearing a message from my brother as if he had learned all of this new knowledge and was sending it to me to share what he now knows. The words were coming in and out as I was nailed with waves of emotion but I felt it was him in my heart. The video was deep and the words were meaningful. There were things that were topical to our long, medium, and short-term relationships. It was astounding for a lack of better words. Link to video: [video=youtube;MvY9NrZSfeI]

But after I calmed down a bit I started trying to figure out what had just happened. Certainly, it couldn't have been my brother or God or Archangel Michael. I must be losing it and going crazy is what I was thinking, so I started to investigate. The first thing I wanted to know was who uploaded this video, when did they do it, and what is their motivation. So, I clicked on the channel name which was 'DNA Activation' and noticed that the video had been uploaded a few days before the funeral and after the night my brother was murdered. I went to see their other videos to see if it was an Archangel Michael themed channel or something like that but it was not. I noticed that the most recent video which had been uploaded 16 hours prior to this moment was about Archangel Michael so I clicked it. The same opening logo sequence came up which was a man under a tree in the dark under a full moon. I noticed that it's odd that I was under a tree under a full moon in the dark and continued on. The video felt weird again and I was about to turn it off when at around the 1:30 mark it said my name "STEVE, the precipitant answer to your questions...". I was floored. This video just called me out by my name. The words were again deep and meaningful and topical to me and my brother’s relationship. In the middle of the video the speaker refereed to themselves in the 3rd person as Michael, I was floored again. Then towards the end the speaker referred to them self as "your friend, your brother". I was crushed and this was really happening. I went inside and send my Mom a message to tell her what had just happened. I was in awe and blown away. I went to bed that night listening to the videos over and over. Link to video: [video=youtube;JQvmvWI2Gg4]

The next morning, I woke up and something was very different. The pain was all gone. I was in peace all of a sudden. I started to feel guilty for not feeling awful and I tried to feel terrible again but it was as if it was against my will and that I was going to be in peace that day. I was and it lasted all day. It was a type of peace I've never experienced. It wasn't like I was back to normal or back to how I felt before my brother died. It was something new and it was amazing. It lasted all day from when I woke up to when I went to bed.

The morning after that, I started to wake up feeling terrible again and I lifted my head off the bed and started to pray again. I prayed "God, can I please be with brother again. I don't want to wake up like this. I don't want to feel this again" and I went back to sleep. I don't know what I was dreaming about but the dream was suddenly interrupted by brother's voice which sounded like it was being shouted from one room to another in a house or across a field and he said "STEVE" as my voice picked up the thought and completed the sentence "use the tools!" there was nothing but white light to be seen and i was repeating a line form the first video to myself "Joy attracts joy, joy attracts joy, joy attracts joy.." and then i suddenly say a red toolbox laying in the grass next to a pond or lake and on the top there was masking tape with "Michael's Toolbox" written on it in sharpie. When the toolbox opened the inside opened like a fishing tackle box with all the little shelves and cubbies. They were filled with little trinkets but I couldn't tell what they were. It wasn't that I couldn't see them or make them out, it's just that they didn't bear weight to the dream for some reason and I never remembered them. If I had to put things there now they were like red bouncy balls with jumping jacks and pen tops and stuff like that. Then I woke up and was in the same peaceful state as the day before.

 

[Cooker]

I had another full day of peace and that night I decided to try to play some MLB The Show on PS4 for the first time since before my brother died. I played for 35 minutes and then went outside to smoke on my deck again. I searched YouTube for Archangel Michael again and started scrolling down looking for info until I saw some cheesy looking video that was titled something like 5 Ways to Know Archangel Michael is with you or something like that. The video was stupid. It was saying nonsense like things might move or you might here the name Michael in line at the grocery store (of course you will, it's a common name). I was about to turn it off when she said something like "reason 3, numbers: the number 11".. which grabbed my attention because that is my baseball number. Then she continues "29".. wait, that's my brother's little league football number and the date of his birthday. Then she continues " because of the Michaelmas feast celebrated on September 29th". What?!? that is my brother's birthday! I went and googled "Archangel Michael September 29th" and the first thing I saw was a Wikipedia article confirming the existence of that holiday. My parents named my brother after my Dad's middle name and didn't even know who Archangel Michael was when naming him. At this point my logical mind snapped like a twig and crumbled. Link to video: [video=youtube;zvzPtRxeTC4]

I started searching for the original writings that were transcribed in the Archangel Michael videos and I found them. I sent an email to the author asking him why he chose to write and upload the content and he responded telling me there was nothing abnormal and he was just doing his thing.. but he has a reading with Archangel Michael tomorrow and will ask about it. That kind of freaked me out but I thanked him and awaited the response.

While waiting to hear back from him I contacted the pastor from a youth group I went to as a young teenager to tell him what happened. His name is Nick. He invited me to come talk to him at his new church an hour south of me and I accepted the invite. He also asked me if the videos had any scripture in them and when I said they did not he warned me to be careful. I didn't think much of it at the time.

I also contacted the pastor who I didn't know much except for my interaction with him making the arrangements for my brother's funeral. He was the pastor for the funeral. I asked him if I could come talk to him and he obliged. When I met with him I told him the story so far to this point and after an hour getting it out he responded by telling me that not only does he believe me but hearing the story strengthened his faith and he thanked me for telling it to him.

That night I was watching atheist to Christian testimonials on YouTube. I watched 5 of them and all 5 spoke of a uncontrollable day of peace like what I had experienced, but 1 of the guys in 1 of the videos referenced some scripture talking about that peace. Then he referenced some scripture that had him fearful because it basically said that when a non-believer reaches out to God that sometimes satan will jump in and try to lead you astray. This made me think of what Nick had said about being careful and when I backed out of the video there were a bunch of recommended videos about Heaven and hell with thumbnails of demon images everywhere. I was freaked out and went away from the videos and started researching the guy who wrote the content in the Archangel Michael videos. I came across an article from 2014 about JFK being an intergalactic angel or something and clicked it. I read the first paragraph or so before getting cut off by a "read more..." button but next to it said "(666 words)" so I didn't read it and got scared.

The next day I got the response from the Archangel Michael video guy with a video attached to it. I was scared to watch it and before I did I prayed again. I prayed for protection from demons, the devil, fallen angels, anything that isn't the true God and I asked for it to be clear one way or the other so I'm not left hanging. I hit play on the 5-minute video and it was silent. There were some mumbled words I couldn't make out so I but the computer to my ear with the volume maxed out. After about 90 seconds a woman's voice came on saying "He has ascended..." I guess this is some woman named Laura Dillon who claims to channel Archangel Michael. I'm not saying she can or cannot do that here but I will say this video was really from God somehow. Maybe every other thing is nonsense but this was not. She said things she could not have known. She also confirmed that what I felt when I first prayed was indeed my brother's energy and that in that moment I was received an ethereal heart transplant. She laughed at the audacity of me asking if my brother reached into hell and pulled me out and followed the laughter with "No, being agnostic is hell. A separation from God is hell." Toward the end of the video she said in a commanding tone "Stop being strident." I had to look up strident and it means "presenting a point of view, especially a controversial one, in an excessively and unpleasantly forceful way." which is pretty much how I interact with everybody all the time. It also means "loud and harsh; grating." which is how I was speaking to my brother the last time I saw him on the day before he was murdered. Then she said "That's enough for now" and the video ended. I was convinced that it was real.

The next day I went to see Nick at his church an hour south of me and when I pulled in the parking lot there was a short bus parked so that it was the first thing I saw when I pulled in. The bus said "St Michael's Academy". Saint Michael is Archangel Michael. Mind blown again but I knew this is where I should be right now. I spent the entire afternoon with Nick telling him the story as he referenced scripture to affirm what I was going through and to give me guidance going forward. I told him I would be back for a Sunday service and found out that he was going on vacation after next Sunday so I decided to come on that next Sunday.

There was a small problem, I had committed to going to church with my friend Ryan back when this all started but it had to be on that same upcoming Sunday, but luckily it was 8:30 am and the service an hour south wasn't until 10:45. This left me just enough time to do both and I did. I realized leading up to that Sunday that I wouldn’t have time to tell my friend this story because I was crunched for time so we met up for lunch the Thursday before where I told him the story so far. I went to church with Ryan that morning and at the end of the service the pastor started closing with the story of Archangel Michael. My friend was floored. He looked at me in astonishment and after the service told me that he goes there every Sunday and they chronologically go through the bible over a 7 year period and this might be the first time he has heard the pastor talk about Archangel Michael. It was just as uncanny as all the other events leading to this but had stated to feel normal to me by this point. If I had gone on any other Sunday this would not have had happened. God's timing is perfect. Ryan showed me where they have all the sermon's archived and I gained the most important tool that I had prayed for in the beginning: a video lecture series (a platform best for me) explaining the entire Bible from beginning to end. I've been watching it nonstop since that day. I watched 21 weeks of sermons going over the book of Genesis in the week after that Sunday.

I went to the service an hour south with Nick and when I got there they were coincidently having a youth group day and a group of kids were handling all the duties of the service and singing the music. There was a girl singing the most amazing song but I didn't know what it was. I had a great time and it was nostalgic being around his current youth group since I was in his youth group 20 years ago. I had a great time and stayed and had lunch at their cookout where they were raising funds for a trip.

During the week after that Sunday something else happened. I was scrolling down my news feed and I saw a post that grabbed my attention from a woman who was my childhood "girlfriend" on and off when I was 10, 11, and 12 years old. This was the post and my comment on it:

This was the beginning of our exchange on messenger following it:

When we talked and shared our stories I was able to help her with her problem because the Genesis videos I watched the night before were directly applicable to her situation and what we were discusiing. I was able to help somebody else! When she went to her bible study the next night she was astonished to discover that the topic was going to be Archangel Michael.

Later in the week I heard a song on a Pandora station and quickly realized that it was the song the girl in Nick's youth group was singing in his church that day. It was so beautiful and I noted the name so I could find it again. I've been listening to it a lot and I realized that things had really changed for me. The lyrics to that song are almost in direct contrast and response to the song I was listening to before all of this started. These are the lyrics to the song:

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Link to video: [video=youtube;FBJJJkiRukY]

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down? Save me from myself, don't let me drown. Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?.. Jesus will.

 

[Sanoy]

Wow that last song is the complete answer to the first. Did you see his eyes change at 4:04 in the first music video, such a dark song. There are real channelers out there in the world, real in that they channel something. They are very, very, dangerous, however the Witch of Endor in the book of Samuel actually pulled Samuel up from Sheol, so it's possible God may have sent your brother up instead of what she would have channeled (a demon or fallen angel). Some of these channelers on youtube come as close to Christianity as they can while remaining parallel to it, never actually being it, but leading people away from it.

 

[NBB]

If you have proof of the spiritual realm please seek Jesus and God do not try to seek the archangel Michael. Also dead people don't manifest to us so it could be something else. Jesus is there for you.

 

[Undead]

Thanks for sharing your testimony. I am sorry about your loss (your brother) but what you have found is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Jesus). The Bible tells us this!
You had an awesome transformation over night! And I believe it 100% because I also had an amazing transformation from being a crack-addict in one night!
You have caused me to want to share my testimony as well.
After I do, I will link to it here.

There are also people here with great spiritual gifts who can help with the interpretation of your dreams. I just gave two dreams I had the other morning when I woke up with a stomach ache, and someone with a great gift interpreted the dreams for me and it was spot-on!
I will link to that as well so you can ask them to help you with the tool box.

PS: Someone mentioned above to be careful about praying to angels and this is good advice. The things you saw were true, and were not coincidence, including the name of the church, your brother's birthday and the topic they were covering in church. But beyond that--please tell us that you will no longer be seeking to channel messages from angels or your brother. I say this in all kindness.
It is as you said: As soon as the seed is sown, the devil comes in to steal it. Don't get confused because all of this is new and different for you. So it can be easy to get lost in some of the new-age material floating around on youtube. As someone said: Focus only on Jesus.
If you would like to ensure that you are born-again (and I believe you are) but if you want to really ensure it, ask your pastor friend to lead you in a prayer (unless I missed that part) it is uber-important that you give your entire heart to Jesus Christ. Picture yourself throwing your man-made crown (which represents your life) down at the feet of Jesus.

I love you in Jesus' name!

here is a link to my testimony:
My testimony (Saved from crack cocaine in the early 90's)

 

[Cooker]

If you have proof of the spiritual realm please seek Jesus and God do not try to seek the archangel Michael. Also dead people don't manifest to us so it could be something else. Jesus is there for you.

Rest assured this has done nothing but lead me to Jesus and the bible.. all of those AAM connections in the story were just letting me know I was in the right place because my heart was with God.

 

[Cooker]

Wow that last song is the complete answer to the first. Did you see his eyes change at 4:04 in the first music video, such a dark song. There are real channelers out there in the world, real in that they channel something. They are very, very, dangerous, however the Witch of Endor in the book of Samuel actually pulled Samuel up from Sheol, so it's possible God may have sent your brother up instead of what she would have channeled (a demon or fallen angel). Some of these channelers on youtube come as close to Christianity as they can while remaining parallel to it, never actually being it, but leading people away from it.

I'm excited to learn about that. Im learning the bible now and doing that by going to an awesome church in my town called cornerstone chapel that goes through the bible in entirety during sermons. It takes about 7 years each run and I've been catching up watching videos of previous sermons starting in 2011 w Gensis 1. I'm close to the summer of 2013 and in Numbers right now. I cant wait to learn more about the story you referenced.

 

[NBB]

Rest assured this has done nothing but lead me to Jesus and the bible.. all of those AAM connections in the story were just letting me know I was in the right place because my heart was with God.

I'm very glad to hear that, sorry about your brother. God is real.
You should ask your pastors about being filled with the Holy spirit. Good thing to have. He helps us live the christian life and much more.

 

[Cooker]

Thanks for sharing your testimony. I am sorry about your loss (your brother) but what you have found is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Jesus). The Bible tells us this!
You had an awesome transformation over night! And I believe it 100% because I also had an amazing transformation from being a crack-addict in one night!
You have caused me to want to share my testimony as well.
After I do, I will link to it here.

There are also people here with great spiritual gifts who can help with the interpretation of your dreams. I just gave two dreams I had the other morning when I woke up with a stomach ache, and someone with a great gift interpreted the dreams for me and it was spot-on!
I will link to that as well so you can ask them to help you with the tool box.

PS: Someone mentioned above to be careful about praying to angels and this is good advice. The things you saw were true, and were not coincidence, including the name of the church, your brother's birthday and the topic they were covering in church. But beyond that--please tell us that you will no longer be seeking to channel messages from angels or your brother. I say this in all kindness.
It is as you said: As soon as the seed is sown, the devil comes in to steal it. Don't get confused because all of this is new and different for you. So it can be easy to get lost in some of the new-age material floating around on youtube. As someone said: Focus only on Jesus.
If you would like to ensure that you are born-again (and I believe you are) but if you want to really ensure it, ask your pastor friend to lead you in a prayer (unless I missed that part) it is uber-important that you give your entire heart to Jesus Christ. Picture yourself throwing your man-made crown (which represents your life) down at the feet of Jesus.

I love you in Jesus' name!

here is a link to my testimony:
My testimony (Saved from crack cocaine in the early 90's)

I cant wait to read your testimony later tonight!

That is some great advice and it's the path I have gone down. There is no praying to anybody besides God going on and I'm not trying to channel anything. I got some soft warnings that ended up protecting me in the story from that stuff. When I merely dug into the writer of the transcript the AAM videos were derived from I saw the 666 word count and backed out and never went back lol. When I watched the channeled video I prayed to God doe protection from anything that's not him before watching. These events were only leading me to God.

 

[Cooker]

I'm very glad to hear that, sorry about your brother. God is real.
You should ask your pastors about being filled with the Holy spirit. Good thing to have. He helps us live the christian life and much more.

During the time of the story the pastor Nick did that for me and so did the pastor at my family's church where we had the funeral. I also did this on a deeper level a few nights later and then again the night after that. I will ask my pastor at Cornerstone Chapel about this as well. Thanks!

 

[NBB]

During the time of the story the pastor Nick did that for me and so did the pastor at my family's church where we had the funeral. I also did this on a deeper level a few nights later and then again the night after that. I will ask my pastor at Cornerstone Chapel about this as well. Thanks!

I'ts a experience you will know when it happens. God bless!.

 

[Cooker]

I'ts a experience you will know when it happens. God bless!.

I understand what you mean and it has happened.

 

[Serving Zion]

Wow, it's a really powerful testimony you know, and it must be really exciting for you to be coming into a whole new type of life, having a real and rational relationship with God!

.. considering your background and the amount of catch-up you are trying to do (I know what it's like trying to catch up on two years in the IT industry!) .. I know that it's not so much the quantity of teaching but the impact it has - which is about having the right balance of approach for the reader. So I think you will probably find this little booklet is especially suited to where you are at, to quickly boost your view of who Jesus is in relation to us these days.

.. and of course as you have already understood, this song came to mind too

 

[Cooker]

It really is exciting! I'm a fast learner and when I want to learn something new I hit it hard and learn it thoroughly. I was raised Christian. I was confirmed (reluctantly as a 13 year old) and voluntarily went to a youth group I really liked at a different church. My faith was never deep. I was just a kid. I read the bible once when I was 10 but I just powered through it. I never really thoroughly understood Christianity and gave it a fair shot.

The amazing ongoing experience now is that I kind of received this overall message of the gospel through my interpretation of the weird videos, the limited and basic knowledge I had from church as a kid, and overall philosophy I learned through studying as an atheist and agnostic.. and now I keep learning from teachungs of the bible and finding nothing but affirmation of what I quickly learned throughout that first 10 days after my brother's funeral. It's like I've been given the overall message and when I talk to people about it they just affirm it by showing me scripture or I'll be at church or watching recorded sermons and I'll learn something that reaffirms what I learned from the conversion experience. It just further and further reassures me.

I'll check out the link. I think my freind was telling me about that recently. Thanks!

 

[Cooker]

I posted this debating with a bunch of nonbeleivers in a poker forum I frequent and wanted to repost it here because it gives some more insight into the changes my mind went through during the conversion:

There is nothing wrong with logic. There is nothing wrong with science. They are not against God and they don't prove God doesn't exist.

After my conversion experience I was struggling with accepting what had happened and what it meant. I kept asking myself why I couldn't just believe it all after going through what I experienced. I knew what happened was real but why couldn't I admit to myself that I could believe that Jesus died on a cross for our sins and was resurrected? It was my ego. I realized that it was what I FELT that was the missing puzzle piece. It's a FEELING and when you feel it then you can take that back to your logical mind and everything starts to make more sense then anything all of a sudden.

The overall message was delivered to me through the experiences I had over those few weeks without me previously understanding how Christianity really works. I had been trapped in my logical mind and the audacity of what I perceived to be Christianity previously stopped me from really investigating what it's about.

Most of the Christians I have been meeting and talking with have found their way to these conclusions by learning from the bible but I have been given a gift of getting the conclusion sent to me with a feeling and the experience, so that now when I study the bible and hear the gospel I get to approach it from a different perspective then I would have without what I felt and learned during those weeks. The ongoing uncanny thing now is that the more I learn the more it reaffirms what happened to me. I'm still using my logical mind as I would have but part of my analysis now includes the conversion experience which I can't deny was real.

Romans 10:9-10 New International Version (NIV)
9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

Notice how it says in your HEART. Your logical mind isn't where you accept Jesus, it's in your heart. Once you have accepted it your heart you can use your logical mind the same as you always have and you can also use it for further understanding of what you are FEELING in your heart.

 

[Serving Zion]

It's like I've been given the overall message and when I talk to people about it they just affirm it by showing me scripture or I'll be at church or watching recorded sermons and I'll learn something that reaffirms what I learned from the conversion experience. It just further and further reassures me.

I had a similar sort of experience too, and what I found is that all the knowledge that was in me was a jumbled mess, chaos, and my spirit was not looking at it right so it was like nonsense to me and I was mocking Christianity (1 John 4:6). But as soon as I opened my heart to give Him a fair shot, all the pieces of the puzzle just fell in place and it made perfect sense - instantly. The wrong perspective was instantly put right and I suddenly understood that it is all true! It was the perspective that was put right, but I still had some deep doctrinal mistakes from my indoctrination as a youth (the things I had been led to believe as a youth). He has led me to question those and find solid doctrine that has secured my faith, especially where the mechanism of atonement is usually taken for granted. So knowledge and perspective are different things, but sanctification is separate again - because we are sanctified as long as we are following Him, independent of our knowledge (John 16:13, Romans 12:2 - it takes time to be made into His image, whereas His spirit takes control as soon as we yield to Him: Romans 8:1).

Nice to meet you today and great to see you here - thanks for that!

 

[Cooker]

That does sound similar!

Thanks for sharing!

I related to the story of Jacob when I learned about it. He was given a sign from God and believed right away but then went a long journey of spiritual maturity where God chiseled away at his heart over time. That's where I am now. I'm slowly chiseling away and making big changes a few at a time as I learn more and reevaluate how I used to think about everything. I was able to believe from what I felt and experienced and over time I am reevaluating everything I used to think about everything.