God help me

[stryper292002]

Quick question??Most men cant talk about their feelings right?especially when it comes to very deep things like their faith and emotions and really how they feel right??well what do you do in a marriage where the man is like most women and the woman is like most men.Basicly she is every mans dream and maybe visa versa.God help me im miserable.i am s unhappy.She tunes me out.Icant even think about mentioning God without war.I have a 2 year old with her as well.Man im in a mess.I am called to be a preacher as well.im so totally honest about my feelings .im totally transparent.I think now maybe if i withdraw and put walls up life would be easier with her.Help me God please help me im a 32 year old

 

[HJK]

Dear Stryper,

I am very sorry for the frustrations you are experiencing. Your message is quite short, so I don't necessarily have a clear picture of exactly what you are going through, but I would like to say a few things.

As you have said, it is not always true that men are the ones hiding their emotions or being unwilling to discuss deeper matters. It happens quite often that the men are the ones willing to talk about things, while the woman doesn't want to even listen to them.

In your case the situation obviously sounds very complicated right now, and I cannot even start to think about giving advice. I am praying for you that you will find a bit of calmness and peace so that you can collect your thoughts. Maybe if you give a little more detail on what in your relationship is specifically causing this frustration we can discuss it better.

Sometimes it takes supernatural strength to display the patience and tolerance necessary to tackle a situation such as this. I will be praying this for you.

HJK

 

[stryper292002]

well what kind of questions do you have i can answer all to paint a better picture for you

In Christ

Justin

 

[HJK]

Obviously there are a number of things that we know in general: Like that it takes a GREAT deal of patience to handle a situation where you are passionate about God and she doesn't want to hear it mentioned. I don't want to state the obvious . A situation like that is NEVER easy and often VERY stressful.

So there are two things that I hope I (and others) might contribute:
a) we can pray for you for the strength and patience you will need, and
b) we can discuss specific incidents or situations that you and your wife regularly face and see how you can best approach such situations so that the frustration and stress for both of you is minimised.

It is easy to sense the (almost) despondent feelings you have at the moment, and I pray in the first place that you will not be beaten by this feeling of hopelessness and despair. That is your first battle. If you have conviction and hope and dedication and love for yourself, your wife and your marriage - the situation you are in can become more managable, if not easy yet.

HJK

 

[pete56]

Stryper

HJK is offering good advice, the first thing you need is to take time to receive the Lord's peace. I know it sounds a bit trite and no doubt you would rather hae a 'quick fix' to solve your situation, but in truth you need to step back (a little bit) let your wife have space to breath and realise her need of God.

Then you need to love her and be available without 'demanding' (even implicitly) to know what her feelings are. Try using your inate male gifts of listening and problem solving to understand your wife's unspoken language.

I have struggled with a similar problem with my wife for over 12 years now and you will not resolve it (IMO) by strength of will, or any other of our natural talents, all you can do in the end is love her, pray for her, keep yourself close to the Lord and let God be God!

I know you said you feel called to be a preacher and only you and God will know how clear and strong that call is, but in my experience if God has called you to be a preacher (or in any other sort of ministry) he will use this time of testing to improve your usefulness to Him and no matter how long it takes He will make sure that you become what He has planned for you. Don't rush ahead of Him.

I hope some of this helps, but like HJK said if you need more specific advice we will need more specific questions and information on your situation.

I think I speak for us all in this part of CF when I say we are good at keeping confidences and will try to be supportive.

In the mean time brother, be assured of my prayers for you and your wife, may God's peace descend upon your household and flow through all your words and actions. Amen.

Pete

 

[seebs]

Sounds sort of familiar; my spouse and I have pretty much the opposite of the gender roles people would guess just from looking at how our shirts fit. We've adapted okay, but we had to get over some social norms and expectations.

Do you have any idea why it upsets her when you mention God? Does she have issues with Christianity in general, or your church in particular?