God acting like dad?

[tickingclocker]

To start, I never had much of a relationship with my dad, who I took care of until he recently passed away. Now, I've been thrown into an extremely difficult crisis that seems to have no end in sight (unrelated to dad's death, btw). The problem is, it seems like God is not talking to me anymore. He's silent no matter what I try: pleading, reading and praying over His Word, pouring my heart out to Him, admitting sins I don't even know if they are mine, even shouting, everything I can think of. In desperation one night, I even tried name it and claim it, firmly believing a personal God would surely not hang a deeply hurting child of His out to dry. Nothing changed. So, today I stopped trying. If His is, my attitude is going to be the same "whatever" from now on, too. If He won't let me in on why all this horrible stuff is happening, then why should I talk to Him?

He's treating me the same as my father did. He never thought I was worth communicating with as someone with value, let alone ever explain himself... Unless of course there was something in it for him. He never cared about my needs. Only His. Never once did my father thank me for anything I did for him, never told me he loved me, and only "apologized" to me twice in my entire life, couching it with, "I'm sorry, but you deserved it." Which is really no apology at all. But I took care of him anyway, because God commands us to honor our parents and not just if they treat you nice. Yes, I've told God I love Him, shown Him in many ways, asked for and received His forgiveness. I didn't treat Him the way I was treated.

I can't go on like this after depending upon the Lord all these years to get me through a very difficult life, which He did. I'm tired of being treated like I'm a nobody, and now by God, too?? I need something concrete to go by at this point! Love just seems like a fantasy word, tossed around to make people feel good. Nothing more. Of course I'm the wrong one here. But tell me? Exactly where?

 

[ValleyGal]

Imo, and I may be way off, but I wonder if your view of your dad is influencing how you view your heavenly Father. For now, that might not be such a good idea, to think of God as Father. Instead, can you think of God as Creator or maybe as King instead> For people who have had a lot of familial dysfunction and wounds, it is too hard to think of God in a family way. But since God holds so many roles and characteristics, you can train your thoughts to shape your view of him and a more appropriate role in your life.

My own personal view of God is not so much Father, but rather the Lord who provides and the Lord who will never forsake. It is forming these trustworthy lenses that I see God through, that are helping me to form a proper view of God as Father. Rather than evaluate God as Father through my dad's model of a father, I am slowly starting to evaluate my dad through God's model as a holy and perfect Father. Maybe something similar could help you, too.

 

[tickingclocker]

Thank You, VG. There may be something to what you say, and I will consider it carefully. Not to automatically disagree with what you suggest, however, surprisingly I've always thought of God as my heavenly father. He is what every dad should strive to imitate! This always brought me great comfort, and also helped me to let go of falsely expecting my earthly father ever being like Him. This helped me to forgive Dad's lack of feeling, who was just a fallen human being. The Lord is understanding of our human frailties, concerned for our well-being even in the smallest of things, and listens and responds with love--always. Until now. I deeply miss that interactive closeness and trust of Him.

I know He is there. (How can He not be?) Jesus dying on the cross will always proclaim that He loves me. Why is He allowing me to go through this crisis as if I'm alone? I find myself rocking back and forth, whispering Isaiah's promise, "He will not break the bruised reed, He will not snuff out the flickering candle!" over and over. He brought me through a lifetime of being demeaned, ridiculed, and counted as worthless except for what I could do for others. Now that they are finally gone from my life, so is He? My need for God's comfort is still as necessary today as it was when Dad was alive. I had hope then, that I would someday be released from my father's torment. That hope HE gave me has been realized with a great sigh of relief, and I've put it behind me. Now this? It's like waves of evil are descending upon my life, like Job. One more and I honestly don't know which way I will turn! Seriously, grasping in desperation at name it and claim it? That was a true low point, even for me. I feel like Elijah: worn down, exhausted, empty, and frightened to move one way or the other.

 

[ValleyGal]

Perhaps this is a time where he is growing your faith - rather than relying on feeling his presence and hearing his voice, he is pushing you to trust in his promise that he is with you, even as a silent companion. Sometimes God lets you get to the very end of yourself so you have no choice but to depend on his promises. This is what happened with Job - that there was nothing to blame, nothing he could fix; he just simply was overcome with his circumstances, and at the end came to understand God in a fuller, richer, more meaningful way. And God blessed him! But Job had to come to the end of himself.

Another thing you can try is this. I think as people, we tend to seek God "out there" (in heaven, in the church, in other people, in nature, etc) but we neglect to look for him in his dwelling place - our heart. He may be working very hard right now on the inner work that most of us never get to see happen, work on your spirit. If he is at work in your spirit without your cognition, you will feel unsettled in spirit and not understand why, and all you can do in that time is simply stand firm on his promise - if you fully believe that he is an honest God of integrity who will keep his promises.

He has not left you. You are going through stuff and God is right there, feeling it with you, empathizing while not saying a word yet. He will lift you up when he knows you are ready for it.

 

[BFine]

Thank You, VG. There may be something to what you say, and I will consider it carefully. Not to automatically disagree with what you suggest, however, surprisingly I've always thought of God as my heavenly father. He is what every dad should strive to imitate! This always brought me great comfort, and also helped me to let go of falsely expecting my earthly father ever being like Him. This helped me to forgive Dad's lack of feeling, who was just a fallen human being. The Lord is understanding of our human frailties, concerned for our well-being even in the smallest of things, and listens and responds with love--always. Until now. I deeply miss that interactive closeness and trust of Him.

I know He is there. (How can He not be?) Jesus dying on the cross will always proclaim that He loves me. Why is He allowing me to go through this crisis as if I'm alone?
*But you aren't alone...feelings often betray actual facts, especially when one is in the storm...read:
Matthew 14:22-33.
Also...is your church family aware of what you're going through?

I find myself rocking back and forth, whispering Isaiah's promise, "He will not break the bruised reed, He will not snuff out the flickering candle!" over and over. He brought me through a lifetime of being demeaned, ridiculed, and counted as worthless except for what I could do for others. Now that they are finally gone from my life, so is He?
*God isn't gone...don't trust feelings, trust in God's Word.

My need for God's comfort is still as necessary today as it was when Dad was alive. I had hope then, that I would someday be released from my father's torment. That hope HE gave me has been realized with a great sigh of relief, and I've put it behind me. Now this? It's like waves of evil are descending upon my life, like Job. One more and I honestly don't know which way I will turn!
*Take refuge in the shadow of his wings(God.)
Do connect with other Christians in your area...the importance of having prayer partners, supportive mentors/advisors is key..."Lone Ranger" Christian doesn't work.

Seriously, grasping in desperation at name it and claim it? That was a true low point, even for me. I feel like Elijah: worn down, exhausted, empty, and frightened to move one way or the other.

*Even Elijah had to be reminded that God hadn't abandon him nor was he the only prophet of God left...read 1 Kings, chapters 18 and 19. Obadiah told Elijah he'd hidden 100 prophets of God...this is before Elijah made his speech to
people about God, Baal and how he was the only prophet
of God left... even though Obadiah had told Elijah he'd
hidden 100 prophets...Elijah allowed fear to overwhelm him,
he'd heard about the other prophets being kept safe but it
didn't "register"...Elijah fears got the best of him, he despaired, Elijah "felt" he was the only one left...he wanted to die, he even prayed to die!
God didn't answer that prayer.
The Lord reveals himself and reveals there are even more people(seven thousand) who haven't bowed down to worship Baal.
Miraculously, the Lord provides bread and water for
Elijah, this sustains the prophet for 40 days so he can
make it to Mount Horeb(Sinai) where the Lord commanded
him to go.
God had further "work" for his prophet to do...the anointing
of two kings (one over Syria and the other would rule over
Israel) AND...Elijah was to anoint Elisha, son of Shaphat
to be Elijah's successor(prophet)--which also meant that
Elijah would have someone fellowship with and to "train".
The Lord also let it be known that the wicked would be
punished...all of this reassured Elijah.

How does a believer experience this "today"?
God's Word stands as a witness to His faithfulness
and power. His Word is alive, The Word is God speaking
to us.
His Word is our sword, shield, guide etc.

Our feelings can't be trusted, God's Word can be trusted.
His Word instructs us to faithfully gather together to engage
in "koinonia": Christian fellowship/worship of God, singing of praises/songs, prayer, teaching/preaching of His Word, breaking of bread(communion), encouraging one another/praying for one another, show sincere agape to each other, help each other etc.

Properly dressed...
We're also instructed to put on the full armor of God each day.
Bible study on that here:
http://www.freebiblestudyguides.org/bible-teachings/armor-of-god.htm

Scripture/ prayer for you:
“I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit.
I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.” Ephesians 3:16-17

 

[aiki]

To start, I never had much of a relationship with my dad, who I took care of until he recently passed away. Now, I've been thrown into an extremely difficult crisis that seems to have no end in sight (unrelated to dad's death, btw). The problem is, it seems like God is not talking to me anymore. He's silent no matter what I try: pleading, reading and praying over His Word, pouring my heart out to Him, admitting sins I don't even know if they are mine, even shouting, everything I can think of. In desperation one night, I even tried name it and claim it, firmly believing a personal God would surely not hang a deeply hurting child of His out to dry. Nothing changed. So, today I stopped trying. If His is, my attitude is going to be the same "whatever" from now on, too. If He won't let me in on why all this horrible stuff is happening, then why should I talk to Him?

How can God be silent if you have His Word, the Bible, in your possession? On every page of it God is speaking! Are you listening?

At some point in every believer's walk with God, they come to the place where, if they are going to go any deeper with God, He must wean them off of feelings and experiences and teach them to truly walk by faith. It sounds like this may be where you are at the moment.

Is God true and real only if you feel that He is? Is God only there if you have a steady stream of emotional experiences with Him? Of course not. Just like the sun has not ceased to be when it passes behind the clouds and its light and heat are diminished, God has not ceased to be when, for a time, He passes behind the clouds and His light and heat in our lives seems diminished. When this happens, God has not abandoned us, but is working to bring us to a greater measure of faith and a deeper understanding of what it is to walk with Him.

Hebrews 11:6
6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Too often disciples of Christ expect to walk with God in exactly the way they lived as non-believers. For the unsaved, the World has taught them to think, "Only what I feel and experience is true and real." And the stronger the feeling or experience, the truer or more real it must be. In God's economy of things, however, those who would walk well with Him must believe before they receive. And as Hebrews 11 points out, sometimes our belief in the promises of God may never be fully realized or satisfied.

Hebrews 11:13-16
13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.
15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return.
16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

Your life isn't all about now. Not even close. The far, far, far greater part of your existence only begins once you've passed from this life to the next. You were made, not for time, but for eternity. The few short years you'll spend on this globe are just a brief flicker on the beginning of the line of your eternal existence yet to come. But it is so easy to begin to live as though this life is all there is; that if we don't eke out of now all the pleasure, and success, and meaning that we possibly can, then we have somehow missed out on the reason for our existence. This faulty, fleshly thinking has crept into the Church and causes believers to fret and fume if their daily experience of God isn't jammed with intense feelings and pleasurable experiences of God. If they don't have some daily emotional validation of the reality of their relationship with God, then God has either abandoned them or is maybe just an illusion. To this wrong thinking Scripture replies,

2 Corinthians 5:7
7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

And,

Hebrews 10:35-38
35 Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.
36 For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
37 "For yet a little while, And He who is coming will come and will not tarry.
38 Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him."

It is the mature believer who knows that, whatever their feelings or experience may be, what God has said is true and His promises to them are sure. This is walking by faith, not by sight. It is what the Israelites had to learn when they came to the borders of the Promised Land; it is what they learned again as they marched about the city of Jericho; and it is what you and I must learn in those dry periods spiritually where God seems to have turned away from us.

Selah.

 

[tickingclocker]

Thank you for your prayers. You were pretty much spot on in what is NOT going on in my life. Through circumstances I cannot attend my beloved church. Some brothers and sisters are keeping in touch with me occasionally through phone calls and email, but for the most part I am alone. However, my bible is never shut and my chair is never far away from it.

Scripture/ prayer for you:
“I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit.
I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.” Ephesians 3:16-17[/QUOTE]

 

[aiki]

Thank you for your prayers. You were pretty much spot on in what is NOT going on in my life. Through circumstances I cannot attend my beloved church. Some brothers and sisters are keeping in touch with me occasionally through phone calls and email, but for the most part I am alone. However, my bible is never shut and my chair is never far away from it.

Hebrews 13:5
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Selah.

 

[tickingclocker]

Tell me, Aiki, does a loving Father first kneel down to pick up his sobbing, hurting child and comfort them, or must the child first kneel down in front of the father--in fear, expecting the customary thump on their head from his big stick... before the father picks up his child to comfort them?... IF he decides to? Because the latter is how you are expecting me to believe. Perhaps you have/had a father like mine, and can't see your Heavenly Father any other way? I don't know. But I certainly know He is a loving Father above all. Terrorizing people into "loving" Him has never been His style. No, that's man's way--I've have extensive personal experience with such people. Being terrorized into submission can never pass for love and respect, except to the terrorist.

I am not the type who lies to God. I am confident enough in our relationship to tell Him how I feel, yes, even when I don't like or understand what He is doing. Do you honestly think I don't know there is a difference between knowing God and "feeling" God by now, after what I have endured? If it wasn't for clinging to His Word, I would literally be dead by my own hand by now. I have told Him if it is sin to reveal it to me, and I will instantly confess it--joyfully! Does not God say in Lamentations 1:20 that He will never turn from a child who cries out to Him in agony over sin? I believe that completely. In searching my heart, it could be anything! I'm no Job who knew he was righteous! But like Job, Bildad, I refuse to insert my best guesses as to why God is suddenly silent. Perhaps I should have put this in prayer requests, to ask people to simply join me in petitioning God to either give me the strength to endure His silence--or TELL me? You also didn't mention that you are praying for me. Hmmm.... Perhaps you are. But I wouldn't know that from your tone. Know how to come alongside to encourage, not beat down.

And where do you think that faith you say "I" lack comes from to believe God? Us? We cannot manufacture trust in God from air. ALL faith is provided by the Lord--alone. Completely. Charles Spurgeon once said, "You can no more repent in your own power than you will enter heaven by your own merit". So even repentance for sin stems solely from God. Doesn't it? Well, Jehovah-Jirah--supply! I came to value that constant communication between God and me. Not that God is suddenly "gone" or has become deaf, or my life is out of His control, but He, for some reason beyond my human capabilities to understand, has decided to not tell me why He has gone silent. That is what I struggle with. Stick to the subject.

 

[aiki]

Tell me, Aiki, does a loving Father first kneel down to pick up his sobbing, hurting child and comfort them, or must the child first kneel down in front of the father--in fear, expecting the customary thump on their head from his big stick... before the father picks up his child to comfort them?... IF he decides to? Because the latter is how you are expecting me to believe.

Really? I don't recall writing anything like that to you...

Perhaps you have/had a father like mine, and can't see your Heavenly Father any other way? I don't know. But I certainly know He is a loving Father above all. Terrorizing people into "loving" Him has never been His style.

Is there somewhere in my posts where I write that God is not loving or that He terrorizes His children into loving Him?

No, that's man's way--I've have extensive personal experience with such people. Being terrorized into submission can never pass for love and respect, except to the terrorist.

Right. I don't think I've ever suggested that terror and love go together...

I am not the type who lies to God. I am confident enough in our relationship to tell Him how I feel, yes, even when I don't like or understand what He is doing. Do you honestly think I don't know there is a difference between knowing God and "feeling" God by now, after what I have endured?

Well, I wouldn't know, would I? I know next to nothing about you. My posts were of the "if the shoe fits, wear it" sort. If my posts don't fit, don't bother with them.

Does not God say in Lamentations 1:20 that He will never turn from a child who cries out to Him in agony over sin?

Actually, that is not what the verse says. But you've probably just mis-cited the verse you were thinking of.

Perhaps I should have put this in prayer requests, to ask people to simply join me in petitioning God to either give me the strength to endure His silence--or TELL me? You also didn't mention that you are praying for me. Hmmm.... Perhaps you are. But I wouldn't know that from your tone. Know how to come alongside to encourage, not beat down.

I don't how you would consider what I wrote "beating you down." I wrote to you as a mature believer, who could recognize the truth of the contents of my remarks and be encouraged and strengthened. As the verses I posted indicate, God has not left you, He has a spiritual purpose in what you're facing and if you'll endure and trust, He will in due time bring those purposes to full fruit. Why would these truths feel like a "beat down" to you?

And where do you think that faith you say "I" lack comes from to believe God? Us? We cannot manufacture trust in God from air. ALL faith is provided by the Lord--alone. Completely.

Quite right. And that faith you need is found within you in the Person of the Holy Spirit. In a very real way, you already possess all you need to believe and trust your Heavenly Father - though it might not feel like it.

Well, Jehovah-Jirah--supply!

As I just pointed out, He already has. All you need to live godly in Christ Jesus is already yours in the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Not that God is suddenly "gone" or has become deaf, or my life is out of His control, but He, for some reason beyond my human capabilities to understand, has decided to not tell me why He has gone silent. That is what I struggle with. Stick to the subject.

God never ceases to work to make us more like Christ. That is a constant in everything we face. So, you don't have to wonder why God has gone silent, what His purpose is; it is always, at least in part, to make you more like your Saviour.

Selah.

 

[tickingclocker]

Really? I don't recall writing anything like that to you...
I don't how you would consider what I wrote "beating you down." I wrote to you as a mature believer, who could recognize the truth of the contents of my remarks and be encouraged and strengthened. As the verses I posted indicate, God has not left you, He has a spiritual purpose in what you're facing and if you'll endure and trust, He will in due time bring those purposes to full fruit. Why would these truths feel like a "beat down" to you?
As I just pointed out, He already has. All you need to live godly in Christ Jesus is already yours in the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Okay, you have a point. Beating down sounds more confusing than wagging a finger in my face, reprimanding me instead of encouraging me. Better? Above all things I learned over the years is to spot those who enjoy words more than they do love. You cannot argue that my feelings about what you wrote are invalid. They are MY feelings, and I found your tone rather laced with a bit of spiritual superiority. But I do admit, I would be very glad to be wrong here.

I never once said that God is not there. How can He not be---everywhere? It "feels" like He has withdrawn from the circumstances, which I know He can never do. Of course He hasn't forsaken me, being His child. My faith isn't built on my feelings. But if your husband or wife suddenly stopped talking to you, wouldn't you be just a bit concerned.. and a little put out emotionally? I do read and study His Word--every day, almost every hour at times. Like I mentioned to someone else, my bible is never shut and never far from my reach. So I didn't need people tossing scriptures my way, however well-meaning they are. Perhaps I should have asked if others have experienced periods like this, which may have made my intent more clear? It's my very first spiritual wilderness! Give me a break, will you? There are many instances of spiritual wilderness in the lives of biblical characters. I searched each one for clues. but realized each one was unique to the character. So why would mine be any less?

All one needs is to expectantly look to God, not "remain godly"... and... There is no 'and'. What would that entail? Who is good but God alone, as Jesus pointed out? Living "godly" didn't do Job any good when God kept silent, did it? He still went through difficult times both you and I would most likely cave underneath! I'm no super saint. It's not about being righteous. My cry is, WHY? if it IS sin, accuse me, but talk to me about it! Nothing. The fact that I am still talking to God in trying to discover what He is about in my life proves that my faith in Him remains stronger than ever, despite circumstances or feelings. Give me some credit. I know He can and will tell me what is going on. Eventually.

Someone suggested that the answer might lie in the simple fact that the Lord is showing me that we all live in a fallen world. Bad things are going to happen. Doesn't mean we are sinning. It means we live among sin, and it IS going to touch us, sometimes without provocation. I never considered this before, surprisingly. This gave me the most hope and peace. Without judging me and my walk. How about that. There have been others who have given me words of the Lord recently. They could all be pieces to the current mystery. Only time will tell.

Maybe that was the message I needed to hear. Sadly, there will always be undeserved residual fallout from my past affecting my life until heaven. God is never absent nor can His love for me be absent. But even He cannot stem the tide of sin in this world if it refuses His offer of love. Perhaps I should value His presence in my life more than the presence of sin in the world even though the power of sin seems greater than His at times? Or, maybe He simply wants me to stop trying to figure everything out and just "be"? That would be nice.

 

[aiki]

Okay, you have a point. Beating down sounds more confusing than wagging a finger in my face, reprimanding me instead of encouraging me. Better? Above all things I learned over the years is to spot those who enjoy words more than they do love. You cannot argue that my feelings about what you wrote are invalid. They are MY feelings, and I found your tone rather laced with a bit of spiritual superiority. But I do admit, I would be very glad to be wrong here.

Hmmm...you don't sound like you would be glad to be wrong here. Your tone suggests you'd like me to be the finger-wagging, self-righteous sort you suspect I am. And you can't deny that my feelings here are invalid...But I, too, would be happy if I was wrong.

Anyway, as I wrote before, if the shoe fits wear it - or not. No one is forcing you to accept anything I write to you. If my comments feel unhelpful and condemning to you, if they aren't what you were wanting to hear, just ignore them.

Peace, brother.

Selah.

 

[tickingclocker]

Hmmm...you don't sound like you would be glad to be wrong here. Your tone suggests you'd like me to be the finger-wagging, self-righteous sort you suspect I am. And you can't deny that my feelings here are invalid...But I, too, would be happy if I was wrong.

Anyway, as I wrote before, if the shoe fits wear it - or not. No one is forcing you to accept anything I write to you. If my comments feel unhelpful and condemning to you, if they aren't what you were wanting to hear, just ignore them.

Peace, brother.

Selah.

Sister. Not brother.

Notice what and how others wrote to me. Study it if you must for the clue you seem to be overlooking. Hint: it remains more humble than where your eyes are fixed. I'm not going to argue further with you. God will deal with each of us as HE sees fit in this matter. I welcome His input. Move on.

Meanwhile, to all:
The Lord has finally spoken hope and understanding to my spirit within Isaiah 49:17:
"Your builders are working faster than your destroyers, and those who devastated you go away from you."

What His message to me is is yet to be completely revealed, but I am eagerly looking forward to it. He also allowed me to stumble across this insightful message shortly after:
"God doesn’t get stuck in the tidy resolutions to our crises that we think end the story. We often believe that if things turn out okay, the story is over. If the church makes budget, then “whew, thank God, that was close!” If we get through a health scare, we are humbled and grateful. Yet God is not done. These so-called endings are beginnings, each a new horizon of possibility. Not for ourselves alone, but for the world God loves. Restoration of individuals, or churches, or even of an entire people, is never only about that. God’s healing work moves outward, always expanding toward eschatological fulfillment, “that My salvation may reach the end of the earth” (v. 6). God’s story is always bigger than ours, holding our stories within God’s life and weaving them into the wide-open future."

In other words, put behind us our past and look to God building our lives. Thank you, all, for the love you offered me in my time of need. It will never be forgotten.