M
MonteCristo
Guest
Some people have a very uninformed view of what "glue sniffing" really is. The image people have in thier head is one of the drooling, incoherant bum, the dirty street kid or the student experimenting with a block of UHU. People joke that "sniffing glue" killed thier brain cells, or they say "you must be sniffing glue." First of all, very few people "sniff" glue. The more accurate term is "huffing", which involves breathing vapors through the mouth. Poor kids in 3rd world countries can't afford regular drugs or food, so they "sniff" or "huff" stuff like shoe-glue, or modelling-glue. What i'm talking about is a bit different.
Where I come from, people huff wallboard adhesive that comes in 300ml or 850ml cartriges. It's used by builders to put together boards for houses, so you can imagine it's very strong. You can't huff it all at once so you put it in a bag one blob at a time and slowly build up the size. I don't want to get too specific because I don't want to encourage anyone to actually go out and try this. Anyway, this is just my experience. It started out one night when I was given a bag by a friend who I was spending the night on the street with. I didn't actually think of it as glue at the time, but I remember feeling really good and I wanted more the next day. In fact, I liked it so much that I went around all the local hardware stores and tried different glues, but none of them worked.
Eventually I hooked up with the same friend and they explained to me what kind of glue would work. I had some more and liked it just as much as the first time, until pretty soon I was doing it every day with a group of friends. We would buy or steal it from a local shop until one day they stopped stocking it. I soon discovered that there were other places to get glue from. It became a really sophisticated habit which would involve a mission to get the glue, then a night out either by myself or with companions that would involve secretly huffing in spots around town. I would always dress up for the night because I didn't want people to know I was huffing glue and because I loved to juxtapose being "fresh" with huffing glue.
I tried to stop more than once but I found the addiction too compelling. It was the ultimate way to escape into my own world, I felt relaxed and magical. At the same time I enjoyed the company of my friends and the strange and "spiritual" experiences I would get from it. I became very adept at shoplifting glue and the whole "art" of using it. I found it more attractive than marijuana, alcohol or any other drug. Eventually, people started realising I was huffing and I suffered a lot of stigma. At some point I became a Christian which really empowered me to stop for a while, but it never lasted. As soon as I got a job or started working towards something productive, I would go back to my habit.
I loved putting on my big jacket, nice cap, cool shoes, double layer of socks, two t-shirts and a jumper and spending all night until the next morning, getting high on the "party in a bag." The experience really resembles that. It didn't run out quickly like other drugs, it kept me warm when I was streeting it, it helped me forget my problems and it launched me into a fantasy. I loved moulding the bag and producing hallucinations. I've been doing this now for almost two years. I've had so many other problems in my life, this is just the tip of the iceburg. I love Christ and I can't shake the fact that I am a Christian. This was something that always affected my huffing as if God was in the back of my mind every time I tried to do it. In the off-times when i'd have victory over my habit, I loved my experiences at church and with Jesus, but i'm really established in my ways.
Recently I went on holiday to see my parents, soon after backsliding into my habit once again. I keep thinking about how much i'd love to huff some glue in certain places, or reminescing on the times I had with my friends. I think about going back home and I know i'll be tempted to huff glue again. Although I get sick from it sometimes and I smell terrible, i'm so good at hiding it. I'm really worried about what it's doing to my spirituality. I don't think glue has "killed my braincells" or affected me physcially in any way that is permanent. I'm a fit, young runner. I believe in God and I have a heart for Him. I just think that it's killing my chance at real happiness and I know it can only lead to ruin and disappointment...but it's not so simple as "just quit." I've quit and re-lapsed so many times.
I know that I have to totally rely on God to help me, but sometimes I feel really weak. I think this time away will help me to overcome temptation. Please pray for me and look out for your kids if they are trying solvents or anything like that - these substances can be so much more addictive than the fashionable drugs.
...and thanks for reading my story.
Where I come from, people huff wallboard adhesive that comes in 300ml or 850ml cartriges. It's used by builders to put together boards for houses, so you can imagine it's very strong. You can't huff it all at once so you put it in a bag one blob at a time and slowly build up the size. I don't want to get too specific because I don't want to encourage anyone to actually go out and try this. Anyway, this is just my experience. It started out one night when I was given a bag by a friend who I was spending the night on the street with. I didn't actually think of it as glue at the time, but I remember feeling really good and I wanted more the next day. In fact, I liked it so much that I went around all the local hardware stores and tried different glues, but none of them worked.
Eventually I hooked up with the same friend and they explained to me what kind of glue would work. I had some more and liked it just as much as the first time, until pretty soon I was doing it every day with a group of friends. We would buy or steal it from a local shop until one day they stopped stocking it. I soon discovered that there were other places to get glue from. It became a really sophisticated habit which would involve a mission to get the glue, then a night out either by myself or with companions that would involve secretly huffing in spots around town. I would always dress up for the night because I didn't want people to know I was huffing glue and because I loved to juxtapose being "fresh" with huffing glue.
I tried to stop more than once but I found the addiction too compelling. It was the ultimate way to escape into my own world, I felt relaxed and magical. At the same time I enjoyed the company of my friends and the strange and "spiritual" experiences I would get from it. I became very adept at shoplifting glue and the whole "art" of using it. I found it more attractive than marijuana, alcohol or any other drug. Eventually, people started realising I was huffing and I suffered a lot of stigma. At some point I became a Christian which really empowered me to stop for a while, but it never lasted. As soon as I got a job or started working towards something productive, I would go back to my habit.
I loved putting on my big jacket, nice cap, cool shoes, double layer of socks, two t-shirts and a jumper and spending all night until the next morning, getting high on the "party in a bag." The experience really resembles that. It didn't run out quickly like other drugs, it kept me warm when I was streeting it, it helped me forget my problems and it launched me into a fantasy. I loved moulding the bag and producing hallucinations. I've been doing this now for almost two years. I've had so many other problems in my life, this is just the tip of the iceburg. I love Christ and I can't shake the fact that I am a Christian. This was something that always affected my huffing as if God was in the back of my mind every time I tried to do it. In the off-times when i'd have victory over my habit, I loved my experiences at church and with Jesus, but i'm really established in my ways.
Recently I went on holiday to see my parents, soon after backsliding into my habit once again. I keep thinking about how much i'd love to huff some glue in certain places, or reminescing on the times I had with my friends. I think about going back home and I know i'll be tempted to huff glue again. Although I get sick from it sometimes and I smell terrible, i'm so good at hiding it. I'm really worried about what it's doing to my spirituality. I don't think glue has "killed my braincells" or affected me physcially in any way that is permanent. I'm a fit, young runner. I believe in God and I have a heart for Him. I just think that it's killing my chance at real happiness and I know it can only lead to ruin and disappointment...but it's not so simple as "just quit." I've quit and re-lapsed so many times.
I know that I have to totally rely on God to help me, but sometimes I feel really weak. I think this time away will help me to overcome temptation. Please pray for me and look out for your kids if they are trying solvents or anything like that - these substances can be so much more addictive than the fashionable drugs.
...and thanks for reading my story.
