desi said:
Have you ever cried in public when he makes you the butt of his jokes? If you play his public happy face game you are ignoring quite a bit of leverage.
Careful Desi,
I don't think the Bible recommends the "tough love" tactic in the context of marriage. Love is not about leverage or games. No offense...
Chesterpop,
(The following is just my humble opinion. Please forgive me if I offend in any way, but please consider my words)
Please believe me, your husband can be won over by your Love and trusting in the Lord to change him. There is hope!
Are you both saved? Even if your husband is not saved you can have victory for your marriage if you trust in the Lord. Trust in Him to change your husband; you can be the catalyst for this to happen if you submit yourself to the Lord.
I have been recommending this website to those who are saved and having marital difficulty:
Restore Ministries. They have reading materials available for men and women that are completely scripture-based and have really helped to open my eyes.
If you're willing to do what it takes to have a blessed, happy marriage it CAN be done through the Lord!
"...With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Mat 19:26
"...He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" Hebr 11:6
It starts with taking a look at yourself and making sure you are walking in the light of God's Word and submitting yourself to the Lord first and foremost. Also, be very careful if you and your husband decide to pursue counseling. If you do, be absolutely sure that you see a Christian counselor and that he/she is born-again/spirit-filled and uses biblical principles and guidelines in counseling.
"Blessed is the man who has not walked in the counsel of the ungodly, and has not stood in the way of sinners, and has not sat in the seat of scorners." Psa 1:1
BTW, regarding using leverage against your husband...not standing in the way of sinners is one of the biggest principles that everyone gets hung up on, even Christians. Our flesh always wants to fight back or maybe just give up completely. Win him over with love. The Bible says "For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another;..." Gal 5:17
I speak from experience when I say that I have myself been on a journey with the Lord recently, but in my case I didn't wake up until my wife decided that she was done with our marriage and is currently living in adultery. Someone here pointed me to the Restore Ministries site and what they talk about on their site was exactly what the Holy Spirit had placed on my heart. There is hope! Read all the wonderful testimonies on their site and ask the Holy Spirit for direction and guidance, he will show you how to proceed if you humble yourself before the Lord. The Lord used my situation and my love for my wife to break me down until I just said "Lord, I don't care what I have to do, show me." - He is now building me back up.
Through spending time in worship and prayer He has shown me my mistakes and exactly how my marriage got to it's current state. I have been healed of many of the problems and issues that have plagued me for many years like guilt, lust, and other things that satan used to steal my happiness and effect my marriage and my relationship with my wife (because I blindly allowed him to). Through complacency, laziness, and ignorance I felt my relationship with the Lord was just fine, but I was so so wrong. I had no prayer life. I prayed, but had no prayer life, and consequently many of my actions and decisions were flesh responses and not responses from walking in the spirit.
There's so much more I can write, but the most important point I'd like to get across is
don't wait until it's too late! In a marriage, things can break down quite rapidly, and just the fact that you're on this forum seeking guidance and help tells me that you may be close to the stage where things can get worse very quickly if you allow them to.
You're on the right track; ask the Lord to help you and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in His ways.
- blitzn
