Giving to a friend in need anonymously or not?

[evamore]

I want to give my friend money to pay for bible college fees. But I am contemplating which way I should give to her. Should I give to her anonymously or should I let myself be know?

Last semester I have given her money anonymously from the advice of Christian leaders. They had provided me with Matthew 6:1-4 to contemplate on. It states;

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret."


The reason for giving anonymously was so that all the Glory would go to God. I felt that was the right thing to do, so I proceded to give anonymously.

Unfortunately for me the person I gave the money to, thought it came from someone else. So all the glory didn't completely go to God. As my friendship with her fades, the friendship that she thought the money came from is continuing to blossom. Although we are still friends, I feel that she doesn't treat me very well. She is easily irritated by me, and is telling me how to do things better, which makes me feel unaccepted at times.

I care about her like family, and have no doubt in my heart in giving again. I prefer to give anonymously because I don't want her to feel indebted to me, but I'm afraid that I'll get hurt even more.


So what are your thoughts on giving?
Should I give again to this friend?
Votes for giving anonymously, and against giving anonymously?

 

[evamore]

I am starting to sway towards giving my friend College money anonymously. I've come across a bit of scripture, it states;

"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant ot the lender." Proverbs 22:7

If the money wasn't given anonymously, I feel that she might feel indebted to me, which is what I don't want her to feel at all. Have I interpreted this scripture correctly, because lending and giving could be very different (I think )?

 

[elenore]

I think it's always the best way - unless you really feel otherwise or God shows you otherwise.
Those scriptures are there for a reason. Money can cause enough bad feeling even between family members, let alone friends.

 

[Isatis]

I want to give my friend money to pay for bible college fees. But I am contemplating which way I should give to her. Should I give to her anonymously or should I let myself be know?

How do you know your friend needs money for bible college fees? How would you give her money anonymously?

 

[Quasicentennial]

Money is very rewarding, but the feeling of being rewarded with money or a gift, such as a Christmas present, does not last longer than friendship, especially a Christian friendship that does not end here on Earth when Jesus returns soon sometime in the future to transform us, to replace our failure-susceptible minds with our future new perfect minds of Christ along with our perfect new glorious bodies of Christ. I can imagine that the giant wisdom of God is so supernaturally powerful that our intelligence level will be unbelievably high, and that when we have a conversation with Jesus or any of our brothers or sisters of Christ, we will never suffer confusion of understanding or saying the wrong words in each sentence that is spoken out clearly. The power of sin that causes anger and frustration will never stop until our victorious Jesus returns in the future to defeat Satan and remove sin from annoying our minds and bodies during Christ's transformation where I believe is the greatest gift of all: to own a perfect mind and body so that injury, disease and natural/accidental death will never enter God's kingdom of eternal life and pure health. We have yet to experience the pure joy of Christ that is so relaxing and so positive in God's kingdom, that every such negative depressing word in the human dictionary, such as depression and fear will become a forgotten memory experience. Never giving up on Christian friendship can be a rough journey with the power of sin trying to replace Jesus in our hearts like a cell-destroying virus. Our faith is kept strong with Jesus as we become learners and leaders with Christ, instead of losers and weepers with Satan.:*:.

 

[lauraviv]

giving anonymously was so that all the Glory would go to God

I think you give the glory to God and not to yourself when you give anonymously. This does not mean that your friend will give thanks to God for the gifts she receives. Her reaction is outside your control regardless of whether you give anonymously or not.

 

[parsley]

Money can cause enough bad feeling even between family members, let alone friends.

It's tricky, that's for sure. Spotted sheep and goats...

Unfortunately for me the person I gave the money to, thought it came from someone else.

That happened to me once-- the friends thought it was their father. It drove them crazy not knowing, but then they decided their father was teasing them with feigned innocence. After several conversations with us denying the gift, it appeared that I hadn't reached out to them when they were in need. So we ended up lying multiple times.

I don't think I would do it the same way again. The friends seemed to spend a lot of energy figuring it out -- months. They involved many people in unnecessary conversations, which might have made others feel awkward, showing up how they hadn't helped.

One time I tried something that worked fairly well -- deacon's fund. You can give to the church deacon's fund, and designate where you would like it allocated. They are not required to spend the money exactly that way, but most churches will. The drawback -- legally, the recipient should pay income taxes on the gift. And it can tempt people to some scandalous practices within churches.

If you did that, she would have a hint that it was someone from that church, who wanted to remain fairly anonymous.

Although we are still friends, I feel that she doesn't treat me very well. She is easily irritated by me, and is telling me how to do things better, which makes me feel unaccepted at times.
I care about her like family, and have no doubt in my heart in giving again. I prefer to give anonymously because I don't want her to feel indebted to me, but I'm afraid that I'll get hurt even more.

What about giving grocery store gift certificate cards? People use those happily, without feeling as obligated to the giver. And sometimes the amount is invisible, so it wouldn't appear flashy. And it can't be returned.

Or if she has children, offer to pay for some babysitter time -- that appears less formal.

There might be some way to apply money into microfinancing loans, so it was clear you were involved but she would feel she owes the company back, not you.

She would have other little things that need paying -- covering a car repair, helping with utilities, taking her clothes shopping.

Even though giving in secret is scriptural, there is also power in giving someone the coat off your back. The gesture itself can make a person feel very supported and loved, which is what she needs more than money. Some people feel so beaten down that personal encouragement can get them over a hurdle.

Giving as a cold silent entity can be demeaning, where the recipient can feel like everyone knows how needy they are. Compare that with someone who warmly says, I just want to help you get through this.

 

[jannikitty]

I want to give my friend money to pay for bible college fees. But I am contemplating which way I should give to her. Should I give to her anonymously or should I let myself be know?

Last semester I have given her money anonymously from the advice of Christian leaders. They had provided me with Matthew 6:1-4 to contemplate on. It states;

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret."


The reason for giving anonymously was so that all the Glory would go to God. I felt that was the right thing to do, so I proceded to give anonymously.

Unfortunately for me the person I gave the money to, thought it came from someone else. So all the glory didn't completely go to God. As my friendship with her fades, the friendship that she thought the money came from is continuing to blossom. Although we are still friends, I feel that she doesn't treat me very well. She is easily irritated by me, and is telling me how to do things better, which makes me feel unaccepted at times.

I care about her like family, and have no doubt in my heart in giving again. I prefer to give anonymously because I don't want her to feel indebted to me, but I'm afraid that I'll get hurt even more.


So what are your thoughts on giving?
Should I give again to this friend?
Votes for giving anonymously, and against giving anonymously?

Well, surely it would be good to pray and ask God whether to continue supporting her. As for giving without letting them know..I think that is really a good and completely unselfish thing to do as your mentors shared with you, besides it is biblical. But when you do this you have to expect nothing in return accept to know that you did what the Lord wanted you to do. The favor from others may never come just so you can learn to give without any strings attached to the gift.

As for this person, since her attitude is pretty clear, I would think that the one time was enough and just keep her in prayers. Mainly though whatever you decide to do you have to let go and let God on this.

And it really is true that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

I did this for two different friends (didn't know each other) who were in need over the years..good friends too. One never knew; but eventually I shared it with one. This was a mistake. Eventually this relationship ended by her choice. Actually I thank God that relationship ended..because God provided other and much better friends for me..at no cost..just gifts from Him. I remain friends with the other one who still doesn't know I gave her help anonymusly during a time of need in her life.

All and all though we just can't outgive the Lord!

Happy New Year and am praying you are able to forgive this person for their assumptions and let it go.

God bless.

 

[parsley]

If it's a large chunk of money, you can contact the school and give through them. Contact someone in development, financial aid, or alumni relations (even if you are not alumni, they manage gifts and scholarships).

 

[BFine]

The reason for giving anonymously was so that all the Glory would go to God. I felt that was the right thing to do, so I proceded to give anonymously.

Unfortunately for me the person I gave the money to, thought it came from someone else. So all the glory didn't completely go to God. As my friendship with her fades, the friendship that she thought the money came from is continuing to blossom. Although we are still friends, I feel that she doesn't treat me very well. She is easily irritated by me, and is telling me how to do things better, which makes me feel unaccepted at times.

*If the Lord laid it upon your heart to help your friend financially and you responded, then all glory does go to the Lord because you, accepted what the Lord
directed you to do by helping to meet her need...you are to praise the Lord [Thank you Lord for using me to help meet a real need in my friend's life...or something close to that type of praise] and seek His direction if you should contribute any more money to help pay for her college education.

 

[evamore]

Hey All,

Thank you so much for putting in the time, and thought to responding to my post. It really is such a load off my shoulders and had helped clarify what I should do. My friend that I have sponsored, and the person that she thought the money came from are in my Home Group (weekly bible studies and prayer group). They are my two closest Christian friends, the people that I turn to if I seek Godly wisdom.

I have chatted to close friends who are not Christian about it, but they all gave me worldly advise. They thought I was crazy, and questioned my motives. So sincercely thanks again.

But I have made up my mind to give the money anonymously. I prayed about it last semester and now, and I know that it is God's will for her to attend, and He provided me with the ability to give. When I gave last semester I knew that there is a fair chance that I would have to pay for the fallowing semester as well. So just because it didn't end nicely for me, it isn't really a good excuse to withhold.

"How do you know your friend needs money for bible college fees? How would you give her money anonymously?"

I know that she needed the money because we pray about it a lot in Home Group, and I could see that she is really struggling financially. She is an international student with no family in the country. She is supporting herself, food, rent, and transport on a very small wage. I think she is just making enough to pay for her rent, and transport. But God has provided for her many times so she doesn't go without food, and has answered her prayers for clothing, bed, computer, and even an iPhone. Praise God!!!

I think I'm going to forward it to our Life Group leader to give to my friend (the person who she thought it came from, and who gave me the advise, also she leads an area of Ministry at Church, and is married to a Pastor) the money to give to her. To protect my Home Group leader (so she doesn't feel like she has to hide a secret) I'm going to give the money to the Church receptionist, who will pass it on to the Life Group Leader.

Or.. I would give on through the College on the advise of Parsley;

"...you can contact the school and give through them. Contact someone in development, financial aid, or alumni relations (even if you are not alumni, they manage gifts and scholarships)."


Many thanks! And I'll let you know how it all ends up.

 

[evamore]

I just wanted to say thank you for the blessings. I would thank you individually and privately but because I have not posted 15 times yet, I don't have access to private messaging. It is such a caring gesture.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

I think you should give anonymously, but make it very clear that this money comes from the love of God, but do not tell her who it's from. Type a letter (don't write it yourself) stating how you feel God is telling you that you should help her out, and that it's a gift of the grace of God to her.

That way, Christ gets ALL the glory, not you, and she'll be pleasantly surprised and blessed.

 

[evamore]

Thanks ChrisHolland619. I did that the first time I gave the money, but my friend took the letter out. Many thanks!

 

[TruthSeeker2012]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Matthew 6:1-4 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. “So when you give..., do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give..., do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

[/FONT]

 

[evamore]

UPDATE

God has been speaking to me in the past few days, and it started when I got a hold of the scripture:

"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." Proverbs 22:7

The scripture is a warning not just to the borrower, but the caution to the lender. The reason why God asked me to give anonymously was so that "I" don't have expectations over the lender. As well as a test of character, which he has (1 Peter 1:6-7)

An expectation that I had was to be loved back like family, as I have loved this friend. And when that expectation was not meet. I was "offended". It is not a sin to be offended, but what you do with the thoughts. I have been entertaining negative thoughts, which hurts me, make me sad, and fear to love unconditionally again towards this friend.

A scripture that I'm applying to help out, is when I get a negative thought I pray 2 Corinthians 10:4-6

"I" take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"

I am eagerly anticipating what God has for me in the future .

 

[TruthSeeker2012]

What does Bible say? Answer: Give in secret so nobody knows where it came from.

If you want it known that you gave, then you seek personal recognition and it's not true giving and your Father will not reward you.

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Matthew 6:1-4 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. “So when you give.., do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men... But when you give..., do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

[/FONT]God bless.

 

[evamore]

 

[edwardfsmith]

You seem to be doing great!

It is something I struggle with too.
Even if you just take the money out of this question.
You give of yourself like I sister
And it is very human and natural to want to be loved back like a sister
Or acknowledged just for that!

I try and give and be the best person I can to the people in my life

Sometimes I feel like I am not appreciated

I need to remember that there are times when love is returned to me. I need to take joy in these times.
And like you said, act out off love without expectation.

It is hard
I struggle with that feeling at times.
You seem to be doing really well with it!