Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[mama2one]

learn from my child; she's an entrepreneur and squat pro but she may charge too much









how to encourage child's budding entrepreneurial skills while being the only customer and not lose all my money?

 

[MrNoodle]

buy them a lotto ticket, then explain that sometimes you win, but mostly you don't...

advise for deciding to have kids?

 

[LaSorcia]

Do eeny meeny meiny moe, catch an ovum or let it go...

What to do when the desire for revenge is really strong?

 

[mama2one]

make some really involved details for enacting revenge and how to get away with it and as you look over plans......












you realize you have a best selling novel in your hands so write the mystery book instead!


how to find someone to be angry enough to revenge so I can write a best seller?

 

[MrNoodle]

Do eeny meeny meiny moe, catch an ovum or let it go...

What to do when the desire for revenge is really strong?

find a short Filipino girl and slap her around a little bit, ...mmm'kay?

how to find someone to be angry enough to revenge so I can write a best seller?
Have you heard of @LaSorcia ? She might be your ticket to fame and glory!

 

[LaSorcia]

I'm my own ticket to fame and glory? I suggest you jump on the bandwagon then.

Why do I always feel like somebody's watching me?

 

[MrNoodle]

Its just your ex going all Snowden on you... nothing to worry about, or to see here!

Should I ask about the electric banana? (snickers to himself... )

 

[Spikey]

Just coerce a gullible friend into asking for you, I'm free most days.

When I was a kid I had a disease that required me to eat mud every day or I would die. It's a good job my older brother told me that.

How do I get him back for this now that we are adults?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Infect him with multi-drug resistant Clostridium Difficile, so that the only treatment is ingestion of donor stool (real treatment, by the way) to replenish the normal gut flora.

How can I convince my son not to fight with his sister?

 

[MrNoodle]

give them both sharp pointy objects and let nature take its course...

do we really learn from past mistakes?

 

[Spikey]

I certainly don't.... I put it down to the fact that I'm quite thick.. Hang on, what was the question?

How to understand MrNoodles posts?

 

[mama2one]

one must eat lots of noodles before reading mrnoodle posts





how to not get bored with being cooped up at home with bad weather closings this week?

 

[Spikey]

You could do some baking, then mail all of the cakes to Spikey..

How to get cakes mailed to me without the rest of the inmates finding out?

 

[LaSorcia]

Have some cigarettes mailed to you as well, then they won't care about any cakes.

I went to a dude ranch, but there were no dudes. How can I get my money back?

 

[MrNoodle]

pull a gun and demand a gender reveal

how should I address the nun who thinks she runs this place?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Ooh. She's a none, so obviously you must completely ommit all gender pronouns. For safety's sake, just ommit all possessives and conjunctives too. Can't be too careful.

How can I get people to start meetings on time?

 

[MrNoodle]

get a big yard stick and slap them on the back of the head like nuns do!

there's too many red lights for driving, how can I not have to stop for them?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

invent a system for emergency response services that make it where a control from their vehicles can switch traffic lights from red to green and vice versa.

How can I expand my horizons and surround myself with more godly winners in life?

 

[Spiritlight]

Take some Ayahuasca and close your eyes and may all your dreams come true..


How do I get my teenager to like cleaning her room up?

 

[MrNoodle]

allow her to come home late, take street drugs, and have boys over all night in exchange for some room cleaning action

how can I stop eating so much Chinese food?