Girls, do you care about how much a guy earns?

[Tamara224]

My oldest son is a 3rd year law student and working for a major firm in LA. He has a brand new BMW and a condo in Pasadena. He's already decided to live the life for a few years, quit law and teach and take a huge pay cut voluntarily. I say more power to him if that's what he wants.

So...uh...is your son married? Seeing anyone?

 

[BoarderDave]

So...uh...is your son married? Seeing anyone?

..or even more importantly, will he be looking to sell that BMW?

 

[Neve]

Looks to me like the great majority of women want a guy who's ambitious and a hard worker. No surprise there. If you asked a group of men how important it is to them that their girlfriend be ambitious or hard working, based on personal experience I don't think the majority would care.
"Gold digger" is just taking to an extreme a desire that most women, unlike men, have.

I disagree with this. They might not want a hardworking girlfriend, but a wife: when push comes to shove I think the answer would be yes. You place way too much emphasis on the old, traditional gender stereotypes. Women are under an extreme amount of pressure these days to be both the "career woman" and the "super mom." So many mothers these days are working women, and expected to carry so many responsibilities (children, job, household). I'm not trying to bash men, but rather let you see it in a different perspective - one that from what is happening in today's world rather than the old " the man brings home the bacon" view.

 

[Luther073082]

I disagree with this. They might not want a hardworking girlfriend, but a wife: when push comes to shove I think the answer would be yes. You place way too much emphasis on the old, traditional gender stereotypes. Women are under an extreme amount of pressure these days to be both the "career woman" and the "super mom." So many mothers these days are working women, and expected to carry so many responsibilities (children, job, household). I'm not trying to bash men, but rather let you see it in a different perspective - one that from what is happening in today's world rather than the old " the man brings home the bacon" view.

I think a lot of people still see it that way though. Even with career women I think they want a guy who can bring home something that compaires with what they bring home. Either that or they want a guy with a lot of prestige in his job. IE: A woman might not care if he is making less then she is if her husband is say a pastor because pastors may not make a ton but they have prestige.

I'm not sure its all the money, but I think women are attracted to pretige, maybe even more so then money. (Sometimes money comes with it)

But I do agree working women are expected to carry a lot of responsibilies but now I see that trend also reversing itself around too. Men are now expected to handle some of the tasks that where originally just given over to the women.

Like I doubt I will ever get this opprotunity but I would absolutly love to try being a stay at home dad. I think I would be pretty good at it.

 

[ulu]

Women are under an extreme amount of pressure these days to be both the "career woman" and the "super mom." .

It's not men putting pressure on women to be career women, it's women's own desire to be independent, make their own money etc.
I stand by my original statement that most men don't care if their wife/girlfriend is a corporate climber.

 

[Luther073082]

And you're right, circumstances can change. But I get the feeling from many guys that it the idea that I make more money than they do (and it is not necessarily true, I don't really make that much money) would be a constant burr under their saddle. Like they think they wouldn't have anything to contribute if they're not the main breadwinner.

And honestly, I don't want to be the primary breadwinner.

It bothers them because most women don't want to be the primary bread winner. You even said so yourself, and thats not going to be easy for you because of your job you are pulling down more money then probably 90% of single men out there.

Their fear is entirely founded on the idea that you may lose respect for them or their "manhood" if you are paying the bills. I think its all about respect and men much more then women become afraid of losing it. And culturally we have attached the value of men into their income. And if you think that is changing, it is to some extent but its still very real.

So it takes a lot of security to say "I can be the man of the family without making all the money."

 

[ulu]

Even with career women I think they want a guy who can bring home something that compaires with what they bring home. Either that or they want a guy with a lot of prestige in his job. IE: A woman might not care if he is making less then she is if her husband is say a pastor because pastors may not make a ton but they have prestige.
.

I agree.

 

[Luther073082]

It's not men putting pressure on women to be career women, it's women's own desire to be independent, make their own money etc.
I stand by my original statement that most men don't care if their wife/girlfriend is a corporate climber.

I would argue that most men would feel more secure if she wasn't a corporate climber.

Men feel their job is to take care of a woman. If she's so independent, then how is he taking care of her? Its about losing respect and losing their feeling of being useful.

 

[Tamara224]

I would argue that most men would feel more secure if she wasn't a corporate climber.

Men feel their job is to take care of a woman. If she's so independent, then how is he taking care of her?

Well, he can put his strong arms around her and tell her he loves her. That's taking care of her.

 

[Luther073082]

Well, he can put his strong arms around her and tell her he loves her. That's taking care of her.

Yeah but men don't see that. Men have a much more functional mind.

I'm feeding you, I'm taking care of you.

You are feeding yourself and at the same time feeding me. You are taking care of me.

Women see it as: He is taking care of my emotional needs. Men see it as: I'm loving her, by giving her affection

Loving her with affection not equal to taking care of her.

 

[Tamara224]

Yeah but men don't see that. Men have a much more functional mind.

I'm feeding you, I'm taking care of you.

You are feeding yourself and at the same time feeding me. You are taking care of me.

Women see it as: He is taking care of my emotional needs. Men see it as: I'm loving her, by giving her affection

Loving her with affection not equal to taking care of her.

Yeah, but...

That's your answer to everything.

If men provided more for women's emotional needs, imo, there'd be far fewer divorces.

I can get my own job to make my own money, feed myself, clothe myself, etc. Women have ALWAYS been able to do those things for themselves.

What we can't do on our own is provide ourselves emotional support.

So, if you'd just care for us by giving us what we need...

What you're saying is like someone saying to a starving person "I know you think it'd be taking care of you if I give you food, but it doesn't make me feel good about myself to give you food, I'd rather give you flowers. That way I'm taking care of you in the way that I want to take care of you, although it's not necessarily the care you really need."

 

[Luther073082]

Yeah, but...

That's your answer to everything.

If men provided more for women's emotional needs, imo, there'd be far fewer divorces.

I can get my own job to make my own money, feed myself, clothe myself, etc. Women have ALWAYS been able to do those things for themselves.

What we can't do on our own is provide ourselves emotional support.

So, if you'd just care for us by giving us what we need...

What you're saying is like someone saying to a starving person "I know you think it'd be taking care of you if I give you food, but it doesn't make me feel good about myself to give you food, I'd rather give you flowers. That way I'm taking care of you in the way that I want to take care of you, although it's not necessarily the care you really need."

Well I really don't think we can pin divorces on that one cause in particular. I think it can be a strain on a lot of relationships until the guy "gets it" or it could actually give women a temptation into adultry with a man who does show them affection. Besides divorces are still caused mostly by money issues.

What I think men have to do and women have to do is learn what is important to one another. Many men do have to learn that affection like that is very important to a woman. I belive women do place a lot of value in themselves by how much they feel loved. I think women also need to understand that respect, pride, and necessity are extremly important to a man. Sometimes the best affection a woman can give to a man is letting him know that she needs him, thinks highly of him and has confidence in him.

The income thing can often cause men to feel unneeded and because they view their worth often to be in terms of money because that is traditionally what they where suppose to do. So then they get the idea in their head that their wife also views their worth in terms of money. (Which usually isn't true). And thats where they get uncomfortable because they start to think that their wife paying all the views really doesn't value them.

 

[lunalinda]

Hmm. Interesting. Very interesting...

 

[InvisibleViolet]

I don't care how much the guy makes as long as he works hard, is financially responsible and has goals and works towards them.

 

[jcj3803]

I dont get why anyone would give up their BMW.

I dont care if I have to go down to 1 MAYBE 2 meals a day.. I will NOT sell my BMW until I'm looking something like bankruptcy in face.

haha

Oxygen > BMW > Food > Shelter.

Bimmer Love, Bro! 318iS. Handled best at speeds exceeding 80 when she'd just snug right down onto the road.

 

[jcj3803]

So...uh...is your son married? Seeing anyone?

No, yes and he's pretty opposed to marriage, at least for now.