Girlfriend got too drunk...

[Downshift]

This is something that really bothers me, and I dont know if it should.
I think I'm in the wrong here...

My girlfriend's dad is an alcoholic.
The bad kind.
She lived with him and her mom for like 10 years until the divorce, then lived with her mom and step dad till she moved out.
A few years later she realized what a #$%^#!$% her father was and decided she never wanted to talk to him, be around him or... get drunk like he did because she doesnt want to become what she hates.

She hasnt even talked to her dad in 3 years or so and when she goes back to her home state to visit her family, she tells them not to tell her dad shes' there.

But all her non-christian friends that she associates with drink.
She's constantly straining herself by hanging out with like 20 people who are all drinking and tries not to drink.
She says she'll have an occasional girly drink, and that that's ok.
It was inevitable that eventually she'd break.

One day her friends that know she doesnt want to drink (but not why) messed with her and gave her a margarita that was 75% liquor.
From what she told me, she realized what she drank and thought, "Ah what the heck, too late now", and drank more.
That was the first time she'd ever gotten plastered, and she said she threw up like 4 times.
That was at about 12pm, she stopped drinking at 2pm, but was still sending me drunk texts after 10pm... after taking a 2 hour nap.
I was so mad at her, and her friends for spiking her drink.

I was talking to her awhile ago about how I thought she was totally screwed now because she said that after getting drunk that one time she now has a constant craving for alcohol and a desire to get drunk again.
Plus she's gonna be 21 in like 4 months.
Again, all her friends drink. All of them.

I dont have a history of alcoholism in my family and I'm not sure what to tell her.
I dont even know if alcoholism is genetic or taught by example.

My method for not getting too drunk is knowing my limit.
I deliberately crossed my limit quite a few times so I know where it is, and I never lose control now.
I turn into the world's biggest dick when I drink, especially towards girls, so I dont ever get wasted.

I'm leery of telling her to use the same method because if she gets plastered again she will lose control and want it all that much more; I dont think it will help her stop at her limit, she'll just learn to love crossing it.

So what should I tell her to help her avoid becoming an alcoholic? ...if there is any real risk.
Should she just avoid all alcohol all together?
She's gonna need a whole different circle of friends to pull that off, she always slips up.

The other thing that annoys/worries me is that she always says she's not gonna get drunk, and then she does.
I asked her about her love-hate relationship with alcohol and she said that she always hated it because of her dad, but after getting drunk that one time, she liked it and thought it was fun... but that she still has some hate for it.
I honestly think she hates it for the wrong reason.
If she likes it, shes gonna keep doing it.
Childhood fears of her father are not enough to keep her from taking "just another sip" of tequila.
I like drinking also, but just getting buzzed.
She likes gettind drunk.
That's what I have a problem with...

I recently read a verse in Ephesians that says not to get drunk [off wine] for this can lead to debauchery.
The most recent incident confirmed this and was "the line" in my opinion.
She went to a pool party last Friday with those same friends who always drink... and she got drunk. Really drunk.
She was dizzy, having trouble walking and threw up.
She sent me some drunk texts saying "ugh", and "drama"... and then "I was at the party but Kyle just brought me home."
Then she said that she woke up with half her bikini on and half somewhere else in her apt.
I didnt know who Kyle was. Just that he volunteered to drive her home and since it was a pool party she was just in her bikini... and drunk.
All kinds of things started running through my head.

I trust her faithfulness 100%... when she's sober, but like the Bible says, drunkenness does lead to debauchery.

It turns out that Kyle was the roommate of another guy who got just as as drunk as my girlfriend did and dropped her off on their way home.
She said that he dropped her off at her door and that she ripped her bikini top off on her way up the stairs inside her townhouse in her drunken confusion or something and that he wasnt there.
But just that fact that she got that drunk and put herself in that position, and that she has a tendency to strip while drunk are huge red flags for me.

I just cant deal with her going to partys that I cant be at cuz I work nights, getting drunk and having other guys drive her home.
I cant.

Is this my deal, would I be in the wrong for dumping her over this?
I cant tell her not to drink, it's not my place, but since our relationship is based in Christ, how do I use the Bible to justify my feelings on this?

This has been going on for months and I seriously dont know what to do or say...
It's like my only options are to tell her not to get drunk or that I dont like it, then she will do it anyway and lie to me about it.
...or dump her over it.


CLIFFS:

My girlfriend recently started drinking to get drunk drunk, and I dont like it.
What should I do?

 

[Teufelhund]

Well this is a very bad situation for you. And she has some serious issues as we've seen from other posts. I live in a military barracks... I have seen people smashed out of their brains fairly regularly and I've never seen someone undress themselves in public in a 'drunken stupor' I'm not saying it's not possible, but I'm saying that there is a much much more probable solution to my mind. If your GF is an alcoholic then she needs help, and at this point she needs more help than you can give her, I wouldn't necessarily recommend breaking up, although in the "I love you" thread you seemed to indicate that you weren't in love in which case I would not hesitate. That girl is going to seriously damage you at this point in some way. I would seriously ask her about this and if she is unwilling to change, and become sober, because alcoholics shouldn't start drinking again...EVER... you should end it. Because that thing will cause such problems in your life, I have seen these things firsthand and that's why I have never drank and never will. So I would be very careful about this.
PS-I am not saying there is anything with drinking in and of itself. There is something wrong with drinking when you don't want to because you feel compelled to. Sorry about the disclaimer I sensed stormclouds of hate and discount brewing before I even post this.

 

[Lirpa]

I understand how you are feeling. Alcoholism runs in my family as well, I sometimes feel the need to drink because it's in my blood. But..in situations where I know there is going to be alcohol I simply ask God to turn me away from the temptation, or I simply leave the place where I'm at.
This is a very serious illness..don't let anyone tell you different.
I don't think it's a very good reason to dump your girlfriend, I believe she is crying out in her own way. You need to sit down and talk about getting her help. You have to tell her how much you care for her well being, but I suggest if things DON'T change, it would be a good reason to leave. God wouldn't want you in that sort of relationship.
This is just my advice, I suggest you ask the Lord what you should do.
I will be praying for you.

 

[Downshift]

Hmmm... I'm still not sure if she's actually at risk of becoming an alcoholic.
I know tons and tons of people this age who drink like crazy in college, puke, do other stupid stuff, and dont come out alcoholic.
You need to develop an addiction first, and I dont know if that's happnening here or not.
It seems more like she's just discovered fire and loves playing with it...
What I really think the issue is are her friends and who she chooses to hang out with.
I think if that changes, she wont have that temptation and desire anymore.
But what she says about that is that she loves being around "happy drunk" people.
When I told her she needs to be careful who she spends all her time with, she says "you should be strong enough to not be influenced by who you associate with".

It doesnt seem like she's gonna change if I say I have a problem with it.
She'll do it anyway and just lie to me about it.

 

[Teufelhund]

Hmmm... I'm still not sure if she's actually at risk of becoming an alcoholic.
I know tons and tons of people this age who drink like crazy in college, puke, do other stupid stuff, and dont come out alcoholic.
You need to develop an addiction first, and I dont know if that's happnening here or not.
It seems more like she's just discovered fire and loves playing with it...
What I really think the issue is are her friends and who she chooses to hang out with.
I think if that changes, she wont have that temptation and desire anymore.
But what she says about that is that she loves being around "happy drunk" people.
When I told her she needs to be careful who she spends all her time with, she says "you should be strong enough to not be influenced by who you associate with".

It doesnt seem like she's gonna change if I say I have a problem with it.
She'll do it anyway and just lie to me about it.

Dude if she goes to a place not intending to drink, or specifically intending not to drink and gets plastered, I would say that's a really bad sign, that's not just college craziness. And I think that those trust issues need to be addressed if you can't trust her, it is almost impossible to have a relationship with her.

 

[unkern]

Around the age of 6 my father gave me my first beer, from that time on I drank as much as I could get my hands on needless to say I ended up an alcoholic. I found that the reasons I drank were:
-I was trying to drown out my pain
-I was in a situation where I felt compelled (around friends pushing it on me)
-I really thought I was cooler(people convinced me of that)

Alcohol does not drown out the pain it makes it worse, and it makes it known to the world, After drinking all we ended up talking about was what alcohol tastes good, and how drunk we were. We would stumble around like a bunch of idiots, waste tons of money. It really wasnt worth it.

Now the way you go about handling it is dependent on whether she considers herself a christian or not. If she does give her what I like to call a christian slap, show her scripture and let her know that by this lifestyle she is far from God. If she is not you will just have to let her know how you feel gently and work with her over time, show her her fathers mistakes and how not to repeat them

I hope this helps
God be with you

 

[Stiegner]

As soon as it becomes apparent that her drinking is affecting her physically and mentally, it is a problem. Or that she cheats on you. In that case would dumping be necessary, as being drunk is not an excuse for dire actions.

You need to be able to trust her and relax and stop worrying. Try to be with her at as many parties as possible to look after her and make sure she is ok, or talk to her friends and ask them to supervise.This sort of thing is normal for teenagers and young adults. One thing I have learnt from situations like this is that trust is one of the main keys in securing a strong relationship.

 

[pegatha]

Three observations for your consideration:

1.

What I really think the issue is are her friends and who she chooses to hang out with.

You're right. She chooses to hang out with people she knows will encourage her to get drunk. That way, there's always someone else to blame it on. If she hung out with sober people, she'd have no one to blame for her drunkenness except herself.

2.

It doesnt seem like she's gonna change if I say I have a problem with it. She'll do it anyway and just lie to me about it.

If the drinking isn't a red flag, the lying ought to be.

3. You didn't break her, and you can't fix her.

 

[Blank123]

sounds like sh has some serous growing up to do. She lies to you - the one person she's supposed to be totally upfront and honest with, she hates drunks but says she likes hanging out with "happy drunks" and she doesn't mind getting drunk herself? And i'm assuming she's underage there so the law means nothing to her and she chooses to hang around people she knows don't respect her when she says she doesn't want to drink. sounds like she's already chosen the path she wants to take.You can tell her all the right things that you and others have said here, that she's directly disobeying what the Bible says about how Christians should behave, she's gotta learn her limits, she's gotta take care of herself, etc... and it won't make a bit of difference unless she really wants to stop drinking.

and this is coming from someone with a family history of alcoholism. I can have a drink or two at a time without getting drunk and i've intentionally avoided hanging out with crowds that only wanna waste their time getting drunk because that lifestyle truthfully isn't attractive to me and i know that with my family's addictive personality that if i got into that rut it'd only be too easy to stay there. If she's not willing to use her common sense then there's not much you can do and no you wouldn't be in the wrong for walking away. It might even be the smart choice to make before she tries to pull you into this lifestyle.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

heh. I read the title of the thread and came in fully planning to tell you off and say you are too judgemental, etc. I thought she just got drunk once and you got upset and were overreacting. But after reading the whole story, that's obviously not the case.

I agree, the lying should be a huge red flag, if the drinking isn't already, not to mention the choice of friends. You can tell a lot about a person by the people they choose to spend their time with. I find it strange that she allows her self to be put in situations and chooses to do the very thing she says she is so against because of her dad. I am totally against pot because of my dad and family and the pain i've experienced because of that addiction. I refuse to smoke it. However I believe it's wrong aside from my experiences as well.

Of course it can be enjoyable, but I believe it's wrong and have seen first hand the problems it can cause. To me it seems natural to make that choice, based on my experience. But it's just that, a choice. Your girlfriend needs to learn to start making healthy choices and though you can encourage her you can't make her do it. She has to want to. If she doesn't, you aren't doing yourself any favors continuing to put up with it.

You need to have some serious discussions with her about this, as well as her choice in friends. She might just not be at a maturity level yet where she is able or willing to make the right choices in life. If it comes down to that, there's really nothing more you can do for her.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Yeah, sounds like she is on the road to, if not alcoholism, at least a huge problem with it, some moments she can blame on the booze, and maybe a DUI or two. I've never understood how people can crave getting so drunk that they yakk - I've done it twice and hated it both times, and I still can't drink gin or Jager thanks to those times - just tasting the liquors I had on my barf nights makes me sick to my stomach, literally - and it's not psychological, as I can very easily drink 151 or Everclear straight, with some ice cubes and a tiny straw.

But either way, dude, from this thread and the other one you posted, the best time to end it with her would be yesterday.

 

[The Nihilist]

It's her mistake to make. She'll either have some fun for a while and then grow out of it, or she'll become an alcoholic. Either way, it's her life to ruin, and unless you're married to her, it's not really your problem.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

Her drinking isn't what bothers me the most about the story--its her inability to properly handle the situations she finds herself in while drinking. Believe me, this isn't due to the drink, its due to the person.

For instance:
What friends does she keep that would trick her into drinking so much? Why didn't her other friends stop it? Why do they pressure her into it? I drink a ton, but I always be sure to take care of the way I treat my non-drinking friends as it is a very touchy subject for a lot of people. Anything other than that is just plain irresponsibility.

Why didn't she have a female friend to ride home with? Why didn't she have enough sense NOT to be driven home by a stranger? I'd venture to guess she had no idea if the guy driving had even been drinking beforehand. I'd sooner take a cab.

Why does she take her clothes off? I drink--A LOT--and I've never had this problem. Taking my clothes off when completely hammered would feel just as strange and wrong as taking my clothes off when sober. This whole "whoops! I did something crazy--its cause I was drunk!" is either a downright excuse or due to some sort of basic motor control malfunction.

Here is this experienced partier's .02--keep an eye on her. There is no hard and fast line that separates alcoholism from regular drinkers. Alcohol becomes a problem the moment it leads someone to putting themselves at risk. But be careful not to confuse drunk texting and the occasional upset stomach (that can happen even with a small number of drinks) with the big warning signs. Always keep in mind that your initial judgment is probably right--if something she says about her drinking bothers you, it probably should.

 

[Downshift]

Wow, so I'm still dealing with this.
This REALLY isnt fair, man.

We keep encouraging each other to be better; to stop cussing, to stop being obscene and tactless, to stop being mean to ppl... to be good people.

Since my last post she's gone out to other parties and has gotten drunk every time. I dont know how drunk because I never ask for details.
I dont think she's passed out though but I dont know if she's puked.
I honestly dont wanna hear about it.
Just this last Saturday night she went over to a new friend's house party.
This is a friend she's known for years but never hung out with them until now.. because their house is always stocked full of Patron Tequila, run, gin vodka, ingredients for jello shots, you name it.
She went there Halloween night and got drunk.

I've been talking to other Christians, and I'm really getting confused. The consensus is to not "judge" her but to show my disapproval in a non-judgmental way.
I dont know how to do that.
I lose respect for her everytime I see new pictures of parties up on her myspace/facebook.
Stuff like her and two of her friends all bent over each other with this "Oh no, I'm being naughty" look on their faces.
Stories about how her and her idiot drunk friend were both drunk and one said, "hey, I'll give you a piggy back ride!" So she jumps on her back... and they both faceplant.


Sure that might have been funny if I was drunk also... and even there.
But she never invites me.
She never gets drunk around me.
She knows I dont like those types of people and I told her I'm trying to distance myself from that lifestyle, but I dont think that's why she shuts me out of that side of her life.
She's going to Vegas for her 21st birthday.
She told me that she was going and that her other friends (that she drinks with) are going also.
She never asked if I wanted to go...
I'm not really that surprised, why else would someone go to Vegas specifically for their 21st birthday?
But I'm her boyfriend, dangit!!!
Why would she even consider it knowing I cant go?

She also went up to a cabin with these same friends last weekend.
A quote from a text from her: "We plan to just pitch some tents, start a fire and get completely trashed. Sure it's not real camping but it would probably be pretty funny. I'd invite you but you dont like me drunk so that would be no fun... " (<--yes that's a winky face)

...and that's what they did.
They drove up to the cabin with I dont know how many bottles of booze, got trashed the next morning, went on hike in the mountains and fell down the hill when her friend pushed her and another friend down in a drunken stupor.
She came back covered in bruises that she doesnt remember what they're from... and thinks it's funny.

What makes me even more mad is that we had planned on going to see the Newsboys the weekend before that, and she was going to cancel and only go to the cabin.
She says she feels guilty if she misses church and didnt wanna miss two weeks in a row, so she was gonna skip the Christian music concert with me and my Christian friends to go get drunk in the woods with her non-christian (and abnormally idiotic) friends...

I've asked her multiple times to come hang out with my friends from our Christian College Youth group.
She doesnt get off until the actual Bible study is over but we recently started to hang out at Applebees afterward.
Both times I asked if she wanted to go she acted all unsure about it; like she didnt want to go but didnt wanna say that.
She made up BS excuses both times.

Just yesterday she said she felt sick at church.
The night before she again went to her friend's house and got drunk off hard liquor playing drinking games.
I basically cut off the convo saying I didnt wanna hear about it.
We got into a convo about me reacting like that.
She said it felt like I was silently judging her when I dont say anything; that I have my "opinions" but me biting my tongue makes things awkward between us and doesnt help communication.
I told her it doesnt matter what I say or what I think.

I'm about ready to just ask her flat out why she will only date Christian guys if she wont let them keep her accountable and she shares no interest in having any other Christian friends.
Any at all.
I know how I am though, and when I say this I will immediately follow it up with, "You should just date some typical worldly non-christian guy who will go out and get drunk with you every weekend. You're on a totally different path thane me and you are only dragging me down with you."

...and that'll be it.

But I dont want that because it's only one flaw to an otherwise amazing Christian girl.
There is just one "if only"s in this relationship:

"If only she would choose my Christian friends over her other non-christian ones, she wouldnt be tempted and influenced."

I dont know what "if only"s mean to a relationship, but this is the only thing that needs to change.
She wont invite me to hang out with her non-christian friends (I'd probly decline anyway), and she wont come out with my and my christian friends.
I dont wanna just give up on her; I'm the only other Christian she knows.

What I've also noticed about her is that she wont change just because someone gives her advice, but she'll usually see the error in her ways eventually.
But this has been going on since she first got drunk back in June, and it seems to only be getting worse.
Everytime she says she went out and got drunk with friends, she says she got more drunk than she ever has been before, that she drinks more everytime as her tolerance goes up.

Dont tell me to give up on her, because we already broke up in October and that only lasted like 3 weeks.

I dont know what to do.
My hands are tied and I have to sit here and watch as she falls deeper into the abyss, giggling the whole time and swatting away every lifeline I throw to her...

 

[Blank123]

okay... so you both agreed to hold eachother accountable, except she doesn't listen to anything you have to say in that regard. She excludes you from her life. You're losing respect for her, you acknowledge the fact she's not being fair and she needs to shape up but know that she has no interest in that.


so... not to sound callous, but *why* exactly are you still with her? just because you broke up once and got together again 3 weeks later doesn't mean the option is off the table. if she's not into having a Christian relationship, or even one she puts any effort into, then seriously, what future do you really see with her?

 

[Downshift]

okay... so you both agreed to hold eachother accountable, except she doesn't listen to anything you have to say in that regard. She excludes you from her life. You're losing respect for her, you acknowledge the fact she's not being fair and she needs to shape up but know that she has no interest in that.


so... not to sound callous, but *why* exactly are you still with her? just because you broke up once and got together again 3 weeks later doesn't mean the option is off the table. if she's not into having a Christian relationship, or even one she puts any effort into, then seriously, what future do you really see with her?

That's a question I should ask her also...
More specifically why she even bothers dating Christians.

As for my answer, we're the best of friends and get along great socially, romantically, whatever.
We can spend an entire weekend together doing nothing and never be bored or tired of each other.
We share more interests than I do with most of my guy friends and at the Newsboys concert (that I twisted her arm to make her to go to), she got along with my sister and two of my friends.
My family would love her, and I could possibly see her mothering my children... just... not as a drunk.
The ONLY problem is her non-christian friends who think drunkenness is the only way to have fun.
She moved here 3 years ago and has spent her whole life moving every couple of years; she doesn&#8217;t like purging and losing friends and is afraid to let go.
It's just her link to those friends of hers, that one thing is causing a domino effect that is changing every aspect of her life and sending her down a path perpendicular to mine.
But you're right.
I'm not sure if it's fair to make her choose but if she chooses them and their lifestyle over mine and Jesus', I dont see how this could work because it'll be years before she comes around, if she ever does, and I probly wont be standing here still waiting for her.

But what I wanna know is that I gave it every possible effort before I broke it off for good.
I dont want any regrets or what if's haunting me in the years to come.
One thing I tried just last week is to take her circle of friends and change them.
My girlfriend's roommate, and one of the worst influences on her, is VERY impressionable and open to anything.
Anything.
She's an ex-Mormon.
She's open to drugs, random public sex, sky diving, binge drinking, gay sex, sports, anything... including other religious beliefs.
We're all at the same office and I always see her with diff books at her desk.
One week it'll be evolution and atheism, the next week it'll be creationism.
My girlfriend has taken this roommate to church with her on a number of occasions and she also went to a christian rock concert with us put on by Disciple.
Last week when I asked by girlfriend if she wanted to come hang out at Applebees with us after the bible study and she said she *might* be busy or something *might* come up and wasnt sure... I then asked the roommate.
Haha, and she was down with it.
Her non-christian roommate was actually down with hanging out with a bunch of christian strangers when my girlfriend wasnt.
Unfortunately, plans fell through but I told the roommate that we plan on it every week and she said to tell her next time we do.
I think the reason my girlfriend didnt wanna come is the same reason she didnt invite me to the cabin or to vegas; she doesnt wanna be around other christians who will make her feel convicted.

So... if I cant separate my girlfriend from these people, why not involve them all?
Even though I dont care about them as much as I care about my girlfriend, dont they need Jesus too?

These are types of solutions I'm looking for to see if my girlfriend is truly hopeless.
I'm not ready to give up yet, and even if we do end up breaking up we will still most likely be friends.
I dont wanna see anyone I care about be truly lost...

 

[Bootstrap]

To me, it feels like she's pulling in different directions than the ones you want your life to go. To me, a romantic relationship really needs to support my values, beliefs, and goals, and it has to feel right and good in God's light. I could be wrong, but it feels like you're saying you can't really expect much of any of this.

Jonathan

 

[alfrodull]

It almost seems like you're in denial. Your girlfriend's acquaintances, Christian or not, are not responsible for your girlfriend's actions. Your girlfriend is responsible for her own actions. If she did not enjoy drinking and partying more than other activities, she would not be doing it (unless she is an alcoholic, in which case the issue is much deeper than her choice of friends.)

You love her not for who she is, but who you wish she was. Accept that her values are different from your own, and go from there.

 

[Willseeker]

Dear Downshift, it would seem as though you already have a soul-tie with this gf which is keeping you there irrespective of how bad the situation is...and you will most probably stay there, until your personal tolerance-level gets crossed, which has not happened yet.

I believe you've heard plenty of opinions and stuff, but there are some facts which i haven't noticed in the replies you have received: In your initial query about her drinking, it seemed like you weren't too sure about alcholism as such... Well, i'll clarify that one for you: Alcoholism isn't genetic, even though you will find that in families there's a thread of alcoholism (maybe grandad, dad and one of the three kids, something like that...) The reason for this, is because satan was given entrance into the bloodline by someone's initial sin which curses the bloodline, until someone breaks it with the blood of Jesus and then receive the blessing of captives being set free. (It doesn't seem like it will be your gf soon..., since she is enjoying being broader road... instead of the straight one.)

And yes, alcoholism is a problem. And yes, she has probably become one. (Check the normal signs on a website specialising in this condition, since you've mentioned too many of them!) So, besides for being drunk as being wrong according to the Word of God, it destroys lives and ultimately kills...

Now, with getting killed i'm not referring to a normal car accident, which happens waaaaay too often, but i'll give you an example of what happened with my dad (and his dad was a weekend-alcoholic): He drank too much and eventually his pancreas got damaged... over time, he became a diabetic... over time he drank too much, while being a diabetic and went into a diabetic coma... got brain damage. Now he's like a child, cannot work, cannot speak properly or look after himself... and the worst part? HE STILL DRINKS. (All of this after he had stopped drinking for 6 years before grabbing the bottle again.)

Basically... it would seem as though you are taking too much of the responsibility on yourself... you are in an abusive relationship and finding excuses for this gf... God loves you and i am convinced that he did not plan a miserable future for you, what you decide to do is up to you though...

Regarding her friends, which you are shifting the blame to at the moment, remember one thing - friends shape who you become with their influence (and it goes for you too...):

Pro 27:17 Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend

 

[explodingboy]

It almost seems like you're in denial. Your girlfriend's acquaintances, Christian or not, are not responsible for your girlfriend's actions. Your girlfriend is responsible for her own actions. If she did not enjoy drinking and partying more than other activities, she would not be doing it (unless she is an alcoholic, in which case the issue is much deeper than her choice of friends.)

You love her not for who she is, but who you wish she was. Accept that her values are different from your own, and go from there.

100% in agrement with this post.

Its up to her to choose who she hangs out with not you. Either except her as she is or move on.