Getting Noticed

[Living4Him03]

Couple questions...

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone? As in, he sees this beautiful girl and wants to get to know her, so he asks her on a date (after talking to her for at least a few minutes first!). This is assuming he would find out more about her on the date.

Here's why I ask this...sometimes it is honestly hard to get to know someone when you see them at a bookstore or at a coffee shop or in a situation where you don't see that person often. So, I know some guys will think a girl is cute and go up and talk to her for a few minutes then ask her out.

Leading to my second question...I'm wondering, say a girl is not a knockout at first sight or someone guys typically go up to and ask out. What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her? This is assuming that a guy doesn't have time to get to know a girl and is basing his decision to ask her out on observing what she looks like or her behavior when he first sees her.

It seems it is rare that guys will approach me in these situations. Sometimes it seems as if they don't even notice me! I'm just wondering if there could be an air i'm giving off i'm not aware of (be nice guys lol) or if I appear too shy or what. Should I sit around at Barnes and Noble reading my bible ?

 

[Grimace]

Couple questions...

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone? As in, he sees this beautiful girl and wants to get to know her, so he asks her on a date (after talking to her for at least a few minutes first!). This is assuming he would find out more about her on the date.

Here's why I ask this...sometimes it is honestly hard to get to know someone when you see them at a bookstore or at a coffee shop or in a situation where you don't see that person often. So, I know some guys will think a girl is cute and go up and talk to her for a few minutes then ask her out.

Leading to my second question...I'm wondering, say a girl is not a knockout at first sight or someone guys typically go up to and ask out. What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her? This is assuming that a guy doesn't have time to get to know a girl and is basing his decision to ask her out on observing what she looks like or her behavior when he first sees her.

It seems it is rare that guys will approach me in these situations. Sometimes it seems as if they don't even notice me! I'm just wondering if there could be an air i'm giving off i'm not aware of (be nice guys lol) or if I appear too shy or what. Should I sit around at Barnes and Noble reading my bible ?

I think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out without knowing her that well...but if a guy asked me out in a bookstore and I'd never seen him before, I'd be kind of leary about accepting. I prefer to date guys I know somewhat on a friendship-level before dating them.

As for the other question, I am so not the right person to answer that. I'm painfully shy and plain, so no one notices me anyway

 

[PetraFan007]

I am probably going to get flamed for this... but since when don't I speak my mind? That's my personality! hehehe

But it's not just looks. There's certain things that I notice about women that may not look great but they still are attractive in some ways. There's some things though about even women who are good looking that can make them seem undesirable and it's---are you ready for it? Maybe? Well too bad, here it is. Gracefulness. Yes, GRACEFULNESS. This also ties in to how a girl seems to be "really girlie" or a "girlie girl". The more womanly you are, the more attractive you are. It's just the way it is. If you are just sitting there all the time being antisocial and when you "talk" or how you "act" (walking, talking, the way you hold yourself), you just seem like a lifeless being, then no one is going to be attracted to you. TRUST ME, I've seen it in every girl that has been ignored. Good looking or not. Fat or skinny. You don't act like a woman, you won't get noticed as a woman. I'm not saying this is you, I'm just saying it in general. I'm sure my eyes haven't been lying to me all my life. I have been told I have a gift in being able to see into people and know what they are like just by noticing them for a while. And that's one of them.

 

[waterbear]

Couple questions...

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone? As in, he sees this beautiful girl and wants to get to know her, so he asks her on a date (after talking to her for at least a few minutes first!). This is assuming he would find out more about her on the date.

Here's why I ask this...sometimes it is honestly hard to get to know someone when you see them at a bookstore or at a coffee shop or in a situation where you don't see that person often. So, I know some guys will think a girl is cute and go up and talk to her for a few minutes then ask her out.

I don't do that... too ackward. I don't think there are many instances when that'd be necessary, usually you can stop and chat for 5-10mins and have something to work with. I wouldn't call it a date until you'd been friends for awhile anyway...

Leading to my second question...I'm wondering, say a girl is not a knockout at first sight or someone guys typically go up to and ask out. What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her? This is assuming that a guy doesn't have time to get to know a girl and is basing his decision to ask her out on observing what she looks like or her behavior when he first sees her.

It seems it is rare that guys will approach me in these situations. Sometimes it seems as if they don't even notice me! I'm just wondering if there could be an air i'm giving off i'm not aware of (be nice guys lol) or if I appear too shy or what. Should I sit around at Barnes and Noble reading my bible ?

Hmmm.... well don't look too busy If you make eye-contact with a guy and smile, if he's interested he'll probably approach you. If that's too "foward," you can give him a reason to approach you by appearing to search for a book (in the given scenario) or otherwise looking like you are open for a conversation.

 

[waterbear]

I am probably going to get flamed for this... but since when don't I speak my mind? That's my personality! hehehe

But it's not just looks. There's certain things that I notice about women that may not look great but they still are attractive in some ways. There's some things though about even women who are good looking that can make them seem undesirable and it's---are you ready for it? Maybe? Well too bad, here it is. Gracefulness. Yes, GRACEFULNESS. This also ties in to how a girl seems to be "really girlie" or a "girlie girl". The more womanly you are, the more attractive you are. It's just the way it is. If you are just sitting there all the time being antisocial and when you "talk" or how you "act" (walking, talking, the way you hold yourself), you just seem like a lifeless being, then no one is going to be attracted to you. TRUST ME, I've seen it in every girl that has been ignored. Good looking or not. Fat or skinny. You don't act like a woman, you won't get noticed as a woman. I'm not saying this is you, I'm just saying it in general. I'm sure my eyes haven't been lying to me all my life. I have been told I have a gift in being able to see into people and know what they are like just by noticing them for a while. And that's one of them.

This doesn't fit in with my ideal mate though - she'd be identical to me except for physical differences (appearance, biology, etc.). I may be the exception though

 

[fishstix]

Couple questions...

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone? As in, he sees this beautiful girl and wants to get to know her, so he asks her on a date (after talking to her for at least a few minutes first!). This is assuming he would find out more about her on the date.

I really don't think it's wise. I strongly believe that people should get to know each other as friends first before even considering dating. And not just get to know each other as friends for a week or two but really develop a strong friendship and get to know each other really well first without any kind of romantic stuff getting in the way.

Here's why I ask this...sometimes it is honestly hard to get to know someone when you see them at a bookstore or at a coffee shop or in a situation where you don't see that person often. So, I know some guys will think a girl is cute and go up and talk to her for a few minutes then ask her out.

Talking for a few minutes is great. But asking her out right away? See my above comment.

Leading to my second question...I'm wondering, say a girl is not a knockout at first sight or someone guys typically go up to and ask out. What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her? This is assuming that a guy doesn't have time to get to know a girl and is basing his decision to ask her out on observing what she looks like or her behavior when he first sees her.

It seems it is rare that guys will approach me in these situations. Sometimes it seems as if they don't even notice me! I'm just wondering if there could be an air i'm giving off i'm not aware of (be nice guys lol) or if I appear too shy or what. Should I sit around at Barnes and Noble reading my bible ?

Why would anyone want to be asked out by a total stranger based entirely on outward appearance? Relationships should be built on something a bit more solid than that. Again, see my first comment.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Yeah, I've asked girls out based on looks before. I mean, if you don't know her or see her that often, you'd better do it while you have the chance.

 

[Tuffguy]

Why not ask her out on looks? During the date she can have every chance to repulse me with her personality. LOL

I hate to say this, cause i'm one of these guys, but did you ever really consider who these guys are just dropping in and asking a girl out? Confident, for sure. Players,, probally. I'd be willing to bet they're not looking for a meaningfull lifetime relationship. Most likely a meaningful over-night relationship. LOL I'm totally stereotyping, but i think i'm about 80-90% right. Are you the type of girl that can handle a guy that is really confident, assuming they're not male-harlots?
If i saw a girl that i had seen a few times and i thought there might be some flirting going on, i'd approach her to chat. If it went really well i'd ask for her number and then who knows.

I guess i'm rambling, but my point is that its not your average guy that just sits next to a stranger and starts talking to her. Do you like that type of guy? That type probally doesn't notice a really good quality Christian girl.

 

[JoJoButterfly]

I am probably going to get flamed for this... but since when don't I speak my mind? That's my personality! hehehe

But it's not just looks. There's certain things that I notice about women that may not look great but they still are attractive in some ways. There's some things though about even women who are good looking that can make them seem undesirable and it's---are you ready for it? Maybe? Well too bad, here it is. Gracefulness. Yes, GRACEFULNESS. This also ties in to how a girl seems to be "really girlie" or a "girlie girl". The more womanly you are, the more attractive you are. It's just the way it is. If you are just sitting there all the time being antisocial and when you "talk" or how you "act" (walking, talking, the way you hold yourself), you just seem like a lifeless being, then no one is going to be attracted to you. TRUST ME, I've seen it in every girl that has been ignored. Good looking or not. Fat or skinny. You don't act like a woman, you won't get noticed as a woman. I'm not saying this is you, I'm just saying it in general. I'm sure my eyes haven't been lying to me all my life. I have been told I have a gift in being able to see into people and know what they are like just by noticing them for a while. And that's one of them.

So what if someone is not very attractive and not very graceful? I'm a huge klutz and I can't help it.. And is the only difference btw a girly girl and a woman maturity? I've never been a girly girl so as a woman I don't wear make up, rarely dress up, or mess with my hair does that have any play on attraction? If my ramblings aren't making sense - sorry..

 

[gsmithcat]

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone? As in, he sees this beautiful girl and wants to get to know her, so he asks her on a date (after talking to her for at least a few minutes first!). This is assuming he would find out more about her on the date.

I'm with fishstix on this one.

Leading to my second question...I'm wondering, say a girl is not a knockout at first sight or someone guys typically go up to and ask out. What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her? This is assuming that a guy doesn't have time to get to know a girl and is basing his decision to ask her out on observing what she looks like or her behavior when he first sees her.

The answer to this question depends on who you are trying to attract. For example, if I were to randomly ask a girl out based entirely on looks, here is what I would look for:

• some outward sign of Christian faith such as a cross or Christian t-shirt
• looks to be in her twenties
• dressed modestly
• no rings on ring fingers
• reading the Bible always helps
• looks happy (wouldn't want to ask out an angry girl)
• appears to like cats (perhaps a t-shirt that says "I like cats")

Still, even with all that, it would probably require some divine intervention to get me to ask out a complete stranger on a date (or perhaps losing a bet).

 

[TriptychR]

I'd feel too awkward just walking up to a girl and asking her out after a few minutes of talking. But then I also understand there wouldn't really be any other way to get to know her if you just met in a bookstore or something.

But ultimately, I wouldn't trust appearances enough to ask a girl out.

 

[_sunshinegirl]

Couple questions...

Do you think it's okay for a guy to ask a girl out based on what she looks like alone?

What can she do in order to appear more approachable or get a guy to notice her?

Should I sit around at Barnes and Noble reading my bible ?

1. Yes, as sad and unfortunate as it may be looks do play a part in the intial getting to know you process. I mean if one finds one physically attractive then I find no harm in trying to find out more about the person. I know for atleast me they come hand in hand, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and one who once seemed 'non'attractive can become beautiful in the same persons eyes and vice versa.
2. For me, I have given up. I am who I am and if the person is not into that, then he must not be sent from God.
3. As a pick up tatic?! Hun with all do respect, I believe that the right guy will come along and you don't have to go searching him out. I am not saying become a hermit, but just be natural.

 

[renaistre]

I don't think I would ever ask a girl out if I didn't already know her at least a little. I can't speak for anyone by myself, but here's why I wouldn’t. First of all, of course I immediately notice looks. I don’t think you can get away from that. Then there is the big BUT: things change over a surprisingly short amount of time. My perception of whether a girl is pretty or not really does change based on what I learn about her personality and, more specifically, her attitude about life. It’s not something I do intentionally, it just happens.

In fact, the only girl that I came close to asking out was someone who I didn’t really think was that pretty at first. But over time as I got to know her I started seeing her differently. It was really weird. I later realized that I shouldn’t pursue anything with her (a long story), but now when I think of her she is beautiful.

BTW, pretty girls with bad attitudes don’t usually get less pretty. They just get annoying.

Also, about JoJoButterfly’s post. I don’t think the terms “un-graceful” and “klutz” are the same. You can be clumsy and still be “womanly,” IMHO. It always goes back to attitude, I think, which makes this stuff really hard to pin down. But if it were easy, we wouldn’t all be here trying to figure it out.

I guess my advice in one sentence would be: Reading your bible in B&N might be an interesting way to meet some new people, but I wouldn’t rely on it for getting a date.

 

[goat37]

I think if you don't know the person you are going to ask out, you really don't have much else to go on at first besides how they look. If you are attracted to them, it's a good reason to go find out to see if their personality is good too...

Heck, I wound up getting a date yesterday for a concert I was trying to get rid of tickets to, with a cute teller at my bank... she just looked like someone that I might like to get to know better.

 

[mina]

I really don't think it's wise. I strongly believe that people should get to know each other as friends first before even considering dating. And not just get to know each other as friends for a week or two but really develop a strong friendship and get to know each other really well first without any kind of romantic stuff getting in the way.


Talking for a few minutes is great. But asking her out right away? See my above comment.


Why would anyone want to be asked out by a total stranger based entirely on outward appearance? Relationships should be built on something a bit more solid than that. Again, see my first comment.

I really like what fishstix had to say. Trying to make yourself attractive for the sole purpose of getting asked out is just weird to me. Make yourself attractive for yourself. Read the Bible not to attract someone but to truly know and draw close to God. Wear a Christian T-shirt or jewlrey not to attract someone but to bear witness for Jesus. I don't like the whole fishing for a date thing. Be who you are because, you are you. Be in love with the Lord, not to impress others but because you truly love Him. And God will put you in the path of others and use you for His glory. If you are in the will of God then He will lead you to the person you should be in a love relationship and marriage with if that is indeed His will for your life. Be friendly and open to people not because you want a date but because it's an outflowing of the fruit of the Spirit in your life. I kinda feel like i'm on a tangent here so I'll stop.

 

[Living4Him03]

goat, i thought you and signofthefish were dating...what happened?

 

[vibrant]

something about a woman is attracting a guy from woman across the room. but he can't go talk to her, and ask her out, because she's stranger and all he has to go on is her appearance? but in order for her to not be a stranger, in order for him to know her personality, he's got to talk to her and ask her out (ie. meet her again). so initially talking to someone based on looks alone is not necessarily shallowness; it's practicality and reality.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Man it's gonna snow down here.....for once I agree with Fishstix on this one.......(jk)....but I do agree with him.....just basing a relationship on looks alone is a MAJOR nono in my book. Over time looks change, gravity starts to take its toal, everyone starts having furniture problems (their "chest" ends up in their "drawers").

Don't get me wrong here looks can be a plus, but like the old saying goes " beauty is only skin deep, its the HEART that matters".

think about it guys, one day you go to sleep beside Carmen Electra and wake up next to Janet Reno!!! ( i hope I got the spelling right)

 

[Living4Him03]

considering that i'm 22 and look 16 (strangers always ask when I'm graduating high school or what school I go to...lol) I doubt I'll look like Janet Reno...ever!

 

[vibrant]

Man it's gonna snow down here.....for once I agree with Fishstix on this one.......(jk)....but I do agree with him.....just basing a relationship on looks alone is a MAJOR nono in my book. Over time looks change, gravity starts to take its toal, everyone starts having furniture problems (their "chest" ends up in their "drawers").

the op wasn't asking about "basing" a relationship on appearance, but "initiating" one -- and until you start talking to this person, finding out what they're all about, that's just what you're doing.