Getting married young....

[CABeliever85]

I got married on June 12th of this year. I am 19 yrs. old and my husband is 25. Getting married at an early age seems to be a thing in my family...My grandmother and grandfather got married when she was 16 and my grandfather was 22. My mom and dad got married when she was 20 and he was 21...they are now divorced but thats because my mom and dad both changed themselves as far as personalities go. My grandparents have been married for 40 something years now and are just as happy as they ever were. I have only been married for 4 months and it has been tough....but we still love each other very much and talk out our problems all the time. As long as you and him agree that you are in it for the long haul and have good communication then it will work out just fine...I have learned with my dad that parents get over our decisions no matter how much they disagree with them and eventually are very happy to have a new family member. No worries, it will work out.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I think the reason someone should get married is because they feel that they can better honor God in a marriage than in singledom. If not, then why would you want to take glory away from God?

God gave marriage to us to bring glory to him, our happiness and satisfaction is just a by-product of it. Ask yourself if you are getting married because you feel that you could somehow honor and glorify God more. That's what this life is all about.

I agree with Sasch about talking to a pastor, other Christian couples, and perhaps buying a "questions before marriage" book. But, none of these are going to do ANYTHING unless you have an open mind going into it. If you go into this thinking "Well, I've already decided we are getting married, so this will help us prepare"...it might not be as helpful. Go into it prayerfully. You have to decide that if it is God's will that you not marry this man, then that's fine with you because you will do anything for your Lord. Seek God first and the Kingdom will come.

If you do get married to him, I pray you have a beautiful wedding, a wonderful marriage, and lots of gorgeous babies! If not, that just means that God might have someone even better planned for your down the road. Trust in Him.

God Bless ,

Steffani

P.S.

 

[Zoomer]

But i truley beleive in my heart that we are meant to be together.

If you believe that, then what is the rush to marry? Besides "We dont want to wait, we want to do it right now." (which is a sign that you may still be a bit young)

Have you thought about where you are going to live? Figured out how much bills will cost? Can you both live support yourselves? Have you discussed children? How you are going to raise/discipline children? Who will do the housework? Who is going to work? There is much more than he loves me and I love him, to marriage.

I love my life but there are times when I wish that I had waited to get married. I was 20 years old, when I married. I really hadn't experience life. I would have loved to finish college, had a career, maybe travel around the world before I settled down.

 

[kingzjewel]

If you believe that, then what is the rush to marry? Besides "We dont want to wait, we want to do it right now." (which is a sign that you may still be a bit young)

Have you thought about where you are going to live? Figured out how much bills will cost? Can you both live support yourselves? Have you discussed children? How you are going to raise/discipline children? Who will do the housework? Who is going to work? There is much more than he loves me and I love him, to marriage.

I love my life but there are times when I wish that I had waited to get married. I was 20 years old, when I married. I really hadn't experience life. I would have loved to finish college, had a career, maybe travel around the world before I settled down.

sounds like something my mother said before i got hitched. definitely have 2 say that if God is telling you it's the time and it's His purpose and plan, go for it...otherwise it will be so much harder for you to be married. marriage is hard enough wihtout us going in half cocked and self willed. your life could have been as "colorful" as mine and all the things that zoomer talked about arent something you feel you need to deal with or have dealt with enough to know when you settle you wont be unsatisfied.

also i dont believe that age and maturity have much to do with each other. see, i was mature enough to live on my own at age 10, but that's me. take stock of who you are, what you have accomplished, your future goals, and what God wants and see if they all line up. God bless.

 

[Jinn_Ku]

I married my wife when we were both 18, and we didn't tell anyone until after it was said and done. My family was angry beyond belief, and my mom was sure it would not work out for the first year and a half.

Your parents have a very seriouse concern for you, and they know the hardships young couples face. The biggest one I found was that neither of us were anywhere near mature enough in our walk with God to understand our personal responsibilities towards God, and we suddenly were thrust into the roles of maturing Christian, spouce, and parent (hence the reason for a pre-graduation wedding).

That was almost four years ago, and we're doing great (with four little ones to keep us on our toes). But before we got married, it was agreed that divorce was simply never going to be an option, even if one of us was unfaithful. The Lord hates divorce, and we had both seen what problems broken homes produce.

All of that forced us to cling to God all the more, and that is the only - and I mean ONLY - reason things have gone as well for us as they have. A great many times God has bailed us out of tight spots that our own lack of experience has gotten us into.

I know people used to get married very young all the time. But they also had an encredible web of support to aid them (such as in Bible times the husband was allowed to stay home with his wife for an entire year before he was expected to work).

This got a lot less stream-lined fully typed than it was in my head, and I apologize. But I hope you find something usefull within all of this banter.

 

[lovemysoldier]

I am proud of your husband for serving his country and for signing up to give you a better life. Before YOU sign into anything, make sure you know what you are getting yourself into.

It concerns me that you don't feel that the military should effect your decision. Military life has TOO MUCH influence on marriages to be disregarded. I was once niave to this fact and was overwhelmed. If you are serious about marrying this guy don't worry yourself to death about what is in God's hands. Instead focus on what you can do to help your situation. Start learning about military life and the challenges that it entails. (If you need some information feel free to e-mail me. I used to work in that department.) Go to counseling. Deal with your emotional baggage BEFORE you get married so you have more of yourself to offer to Christ and to your husband. Learn communication skills and go to marriage counseling BEFORE you get married. If you focus more on relationship skills instead of the perfect wedding you will be ahead of the game no matter how old you are.

I don't believe that marraige at any age is wrong. I do believe that you are at a better advantage the older you are and the more prepared you are. My husband proposed to me when I was 19. I married at 20 and moved to Germany with him. I don't regret marrying him. I know that God chose him to be my husband. I just wish that I was more prepared.

Good luck on your decision. I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember that if you see this guy happily ever after in your future then waiting until he finishes his two year overseas assignment to marry is no big deal. He will be deployed for longer than that in his military career. Just consider it good practice.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I am proud of your husband for serving his country and for signing up to give you a better life. Before YOU sign into anything, make sure you know what you are getting yourself into.

It concerns me that you don't feel that the military should effect your decision. Military life has TOO MUCH influence on marriages to be disregarded. I was once niave to this fact and was overwhelmed. If you are serious about marrying this guy don't worry yourself to death about what is in God's hands. Instead focus on what you can do to help your situation. Start learning about military life and the challenges that it entails. (If you need some information feel free to e-mail me. I used to work in that department.) Go to counseling. Deal with your emotional baggage BEFORE you get married so you have more of yourself to offer to Christ and to your husband. Learn communication skills and go to marriage counseling BEFORE you get married. If you focus more on relationship skills instead of the perfect wedding you will be ahead of the game no matter how old you are.

I don't believe that marraige at any age is wrong. I do believe that you are at a better advantage the older you are and the more prepared you are. My husband proposed to me when I was 19. I married at 20 and moved to Germany with him. I don't regret marrying him. I know that God chose him to be my husband. I just wish that I was more prepared.

Good luck on your decision. I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember that if you see this guy happily ever after in your future then waiting until he finishes his two year overseas assignment to marry is no big deal. He will be deployed for longer than that in his military career. Just consider it good practice.

I married my millitary man, a sailor, after he was finished with his 4 year tour of duity, in that time I only saw him 5 times. We were engaged 2 years into his term and married 3-4 months after he was discharged. And some said that, that was to soon, cause he wasn't adjusted to civilian life, but we are so happy together. So I say do what is best for you, Jay and I waited until his tour was over, because he wanted me to finish school, and he also didn't want to subject me to the life of a millitary dependent. He was on a ship that was only in home port for a month or two and deployed for 5-6 months at a time.

 

[lovemysoldier]

Military life is hard and I don't want to discourage Butterfly from following her heart. The hardest job in the military is the military spouse. It strengthened my faith and taught me how to be patient and compassionate.

"We know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character." Romans 5:3-4

My young marriage has endured the trials that military life entails. I know now that as long as my husband and I work hard and stand together we can get through anything. It is true that this lifestyle made our marriage harder than it could have been but I find peace that my marriage has passed the test. That is worth more to me than life on easy street.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17

"It was for my own good that I had such hard times." Isaiah 38:17

Good luck to you blackbutterfly. I encourage you to keep your head and eyes up and your heart open. I know that most of our messages have been focused on hardship. My intent is to prepare you for these inevitable hardships but not to where the anticipation of them keeps you from enjoying the fruits of your suffering and the good times that are ahead.

"Don't be bewildered or surprised when you go through fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you." 1 Peter 4:12

"Our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever!" 2 Corinthians 4:17

 

[poetmom4]

I graduated from highschool in June of '92 and got married in July. I was 18 and my hubby was 21. We are still married today- very happily and if I had it to do all over again- I would do it exactly the same way. I love my husband and can't imagine my life without him. We have 4 great kids and while our life is certainly not perfect, it's blessed and happy because we keep God in the center of our marriage.


Let God lead you. Don't let what other people say over ride what God is saying to you. God will bless you for following His will in the face of adversity.

 

[lovemysoldier]

I am under the impression that people aren't pressuring blackbutterfly to not get married but to prepare herself for the challenges of marriage. I don't think it is wise to ignore the counsel of others. We should always be guided by the Holy Spirit but remember that God also uses people in our lives for His purpose. There is A LOT of good advice posted in this thread that is worthy of consideration. For example, marriage counseling is good for ALL couples whether they are newly weds or long timers. The military life is complicated and can be overwhelming especially in a foreign country. Enroll in one of the classes that help spouses adjust and learn about military life, start studying for your foreign driver's license, learn about the German culture and language, learn how to communicate with your husband, learn how to invest your money and manage your finances.....the list goes on and on. Planning is a vital part of every marriage and family. It is dangerous to jump into marriage without talking about important issues. Why not take the time to lay everything out on the table beforehand? It only makes life easier!

 

[bshaw96]

Hello, my husband and I dated for 2 years before we got married at the age of 21. We were best friends 2 years before we dated. We have been married a little over 8 years. I will say it has not been without struggles, but that is with any marriage. We did get into a lot of messes getting married young, mostly financial b/c we were clueless, but again, that can happen at any age I guess. We also were not very good at communicating like we are now which caused us to separate twice. I am not saying this to discourage you. I am happy for you if this is what you want! We could not be happier now, God has brought us through alot. I don't believe it's about age, but maturity level. People used to marry younger, but I believe they were more mature. That was probably our biggest drawback, immaturity. I wouldnt be mad at the parents for wanting you to wait, they probably aren't being hypocritical as much as giving advice from their own experience. They may remember how hard it was in the beginning. I would not change having married my dh for anything, but do wish we'd waited until we were out of school and more financially stable. Marriage is hard work. I had it pictured as a big romantic adventure. This is a full time job! One I love, but work nonetheless. That said, if you truly love him, and Christ is first in each of your lives, and will be the center of your marriage, ask Him what He would have you do! He knows the future and what would be the best path. It may be He wants you to wait, or maybe not. I have no idea. You can get good "advice" here, but when you are contemplating a decision as important as marriage, you should really wait on the Lord and really seek His guidance in this. I was always scared to pray b/c I was afraid He didn't want me to do what I wanted to do, typical human thinking, lol. God Bless and Congratulations!