Getting asked out

[Barzel]

I have never been asked out. I would prefer to be approached in person while alone. If she's going to ask me out, I'd honestly prefer if she took me aside and talked to me privately, if I'm in a group to begin with. I don't want to feel pressure from everyone watching to see what I'm going to say; I'd give an honest answer either way, but I also don't want to hurt her feelings in front of people if I decline.

I'd also prefer to ask a woman out in person.

 

[leothelioness]

Ha ha now that is funny. The girls feel all bad but I don't think they understand guy pranks.

'Cause guy pranks are stupid.

 

[dmpeace]

'Cause guy pranks are stupid.

So is that a date?

 

[dmpeace]

If that prank was on me, I may have been mad for a second then just have to laugh at how good I was got.

 

[MyLordMySavior]

That's really sad.

I know right. And then my friends think I'm weird for not wanting to hook up! What has this world come to!! Chivalry is so dead lol

 

[Somber]

I have been asked out before, though those times were a few years ago now. The times that I had been were in person. I don't believe in dating, so I wouldn't want to be asked out. I wouldn't mind learning more about someone, though not in the sense of dating.

 

[dmpeace]

I know right. And then my friends think I'm weird for not wanting to hook up! What has this world come to!! Chivalry is so dead lol

Not everywhere, I would ask a girl out and treat her right, when its the proper time. Now days girls can be tough and everybody I talk to is always looking at a phone and have no clue how to talk anymore. Media world.

 

[Megablue]

I have never been asked out, I've always done the asking. I prefer to ask someone out in person. If that's impossible due to distance I would like to call. I have used text but only when we're already in a texting conversation and again when distance is an issue. I have never asked anyone out by Facebook.

If we're talking about a dtr talk, that's always done in person. The only exception would be if it were an extremely long distance relationship and the talk came up unexpectedly.

 

[Neve]

What's asking out? Like a date? I'm sorry, but I never hear about people getting asked out to dates at my age. Maybe it's just my age group, and maybe it is just because I am in college, but people don't get asked out it seems.

Majority of the time, people will just meet up at frat parties or mixers and hook up. That's how it is here, at least. I think my generation is called the hook-up culture though, and I believe they are right.

Personally, I expect a man to either ask me to my face or call me over the phone! Text is just too...informal for my taste unless it's a bootycall.

If you set your standards low, you will get low results...

 

[anewman1993]

I don't get asked out. I'm not sure what method id prefer. I don't think it matters to me as long as it's not in front of a crowd.

Honest question, how would a guy get you away from a crowd without it being creepy? I mean, I mean there has been more than one time where I wanted to ask a girl out but didn't because she was always surrounded by friends. It seems to me if I just came over and chated, even if things went good there is no way to talk to her by herself without sending off a creep vibe.

If you set your standards low, you will get low results...

NO DON'T SAY THAT, there are some of us out here, I swear, there are like, DOZENS of us .....but seriously.

What's asking out? Like a date? I'm sorry, but I never hear about people getting asked out to dates at my age. Maybe it's just my age group, and maybe it is just because I am in college, but people don't get asked out it seems.

Majority of the time, people will just meet up at frat parties or mixers and hook up. That's how it is here, at least. I think my generation is called the hook-up culture though, and I believe they are right.

Personally, I expect a man to either ask me to my face or call me over the phone! Text is just too...informal for my taste unless it's a bootycall.

That's really sad.

Yes, yes it is. As someone who doesn't party, meeting people in college SUCKS, much less women. The thing that [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off more than anything is this stupid game everyone likes to play, I call it the "who cares less" game. Like GOD FORBID you show interest in a girl, apparently that makes you needy, apparently acting like don't care at all is more attractive. there was this one Girl, about an hour after we meet she added me on facebook and talked to me a while on it, I got her number, we texted some, I hungout with her once. I felt like I was getting good vibs so I ask her out, she reacted as if I ask to be her freaking boyfriend, whole lotta "i can't have feelings for someone Ive only known a few weeks" and the lot. Uggg, I feel like I dodged a bullet there but it would nice if SOME girl would actually accept for once .

To original op:

I haven't ask a ton of girls out, mostly however we talk to each other most is how I ask them out. If I don't see them face to face very often, but we text, then I ask them out via text, if we talk in person, I ask in person. That said no one has every said yes, so I'm going to assume I'm doing it wrong

 

[Toro]

I generally do the asking.

Whenever possible it is face to face, but hasn't always been an option.

I like to judge a womans response of rejection or acceptance. If she seems disappointed in saying no, then I try and figure out why (by talking to her rationally and calm, not stalkerish). When she says yes, I like to judge if she is just looking for a friday (or whatever night) of entertainment or is actually excited.

The closest I get to being asked out is women showing interest. I usually pick up on it. Other times I have been smacked in the head with it. If the feeling is mutual for her.... I ask. If its someone I don't see often, I just chat her up and then put it out there.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I don't think I've asked a girl out in person since... 2008? Granted, I've only asked out maybe 3-4 girls since then and I only texted them because I wanted to start things off super casual.

I know right. And then my friends think I'm weird for not wanting to hook up! What has this world come to!! Chivalry is so dead lol

Well the group thing is a drag too... you should out this link TX_CO_Matt shared a few weeks ago, it explores the flaws in the "courtship model", very awesome.

Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed by Thomas Umstattd

 

[Gnarwhal]

dp

 

[MyLordMySavior]

If you set your standards low, you will get low results...

The people who set their standards low usually don't care about getting low results, they just want quick results- which generally happens.

Myself, my standards are very high. As boys have told me I have "daddy expectations". But I'd rather wait a while & get high results.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Okay, well, I met this girl one day through a group of friends; we hit it off immediately, and we had a great time together. We talked, hugged, had a laugh, and then I walked her home. We never exchanged numbers - we just sort of kept it as a passing thing, so I didn't really think anything of it at the time.

A few days later I receive a text - it was from the girl. Apparently, she had asked one of my mates for my number because she wanted to thank me for walking her home. She then asked me out to dinner - and then said that she couldn't get me out of her mind. So, like the flattered gentleman I was, I cordially agreed to the date, and thanked her for the kind words.

As the week progresses the texts mount up as the date draws nearer. I booked the table at the restaurant, got all of my nicest clothes ready, and made sure that I had saved plenty of money up. I'm suspecting absolutely nothing at this point.

Then, the evening of the date rolls around. About an hour or two before we're due to meet, I receive a text from her alleged boyfriend who was threatening to smash my teeth out. So, needless to say, no date for me. But the cringe worthy thing is that I actually engaged in an argument with this alleged guy, making a complete numpty of myself in the process - because when Monday rolled around, the person behind all of the text messages reveals himself - the entire thing was a great big wind up, right from the very first text. My friends had me hook line and sinker. I had completely fallen for it.

I couldn't of been any older than sixteen at the time - and a lot of my friends were much older than me, so I was ridiculously easy to prank.

So yeah, for a couple of years afterwards I was extremely on my guard with every other girl. If I received an obscure text from a random I'd always follow it up with a phone call, just to confirm.

I laugh now, but at the time I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. It's bad enough that I was as keen as I was, let alone falling for the joke! Aggh!!

Dang, Reese. That was a really messed-up prank they pulled on you. You're a good man for not letting it totally color your judgment of the human female race as a whole, to have it happen to you at that young an age.

 

[Toro]

The people who set their standards low usually don't care about getting low results, they just want quick results- which generally happens.

Myself, my standards are very high. As boys have told me I have "daddy expectations". But I'd rather wait a while & get high results.

It actually depends on expectations.

There IS such a thing as TOO picky, if the expectations are shallow (Car he/she drives, bank account... etc.) . However if legitimate, there is no such thing as too picky (loyal, honest, caring).

For me, my expectations are pretty low and simple. Yet, honor, loyalty, honesty....... good traits such as those are a rarity today.

 

[Niels]

I usually ask in person, for the most part, but it doesn't really matter to me. If it seems like the interest is mutual, I go from there. For what it's worth, I usually take a friends first approach, so I'm not exactly hitting on women left and right or using cheesy pickup lines. Not that I wouldn't if the circumstances were right for that sort of thing, but they rarely are and that's not me for the most part. If it's meant to happen, then it will. I've tried to move things along when the chemistry wasn't there, and that's just not worth it in my experience. Not even when it "works", as I prefer the company of people who like me for me and don't have to be coaxed into it. Sorry if I ventured a bit beyond the original question, but it just goes to show that the method is less important to me than what's behind it.

Long story short: I do most of the asking, and it's usually in person, but how it's done doesn't matter much to me. If someone wanted to ask me out via text, I'd be cool with it, but our lines of communication would probably already be open in other ways.

 

[MehGuy]

I've never asked a woman out. If I did, it would be in person. Asking someone out via text or facebook seems really trashy.

 

[Deidre32]

How do you normally get asked out? In person, through text, over the phone? How would you prefer to be asked out?

The couple of times I've been asked out it was through text and over the phone. I would prefer to be asked out in person.

In person. Usually, I'm introduced through mutual friends, or I might meet someone at a party. Or at the gym I belong to. Or ...the person is a friend, and that's also happened where it's grown into a relationship.

Text probably is less threatening for someone, so I can see why some guys might choose that method.

 

[TraciDee]

I haven't been asked out much, but when I have it was over Facebook (which I don't appreciate). I understand that it's scary for a guy to ask a girl on a date, but when you can't say a word to me in person and all of a sudden I have a FB message from you asking me on a date, I'm inclined to think that date would be more than a little awkward. One other situation I've experienced was a guy who got my number from a class where we had a group project together and after he sent me harassing texts and calls trying to get me to go out with him. I told him to stop in person, on the phone, through text and finally blocked him. Two years later, I still get calls from him from other people's phone numbers. Ridiculous.

In a perfect world, I would like to get to know someone as a friend, in a group, or at my church for a little while first and establish interest based on actually knowing a bit about each other. Then, ask me in person! I promise even if I say no, I'll be kind to you and I'll appreciate your boldness. Second best method would be phone.