funny quotes

[Utah Knight]

list any funny quotes you have heard or seen

 

[brinny]

"I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

 

[brinny]

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

 

[Alexs_Girl]

Does that mean i'm morally obligated to burn that ladies outfit?

damien from mean girls

 

[MadeInOz]

"Work is the scourge of the drinking classes"

-- Oscar Wilde

 

[The_Evelyonian]

Families is where our nations hope is, Where wings take dream.

-President George W. Bush

 

[brinny]

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
--Franklin P. Jones

 

[Zoomer]

There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
Benjamin Spock

 

[Zoomer]

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- Somerset Maugham

 

[brinny]

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- Somerset Maugham

Haahaahaaaa!! I was gonna post two of those same quotes

 

[brinny]

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. ~ Samuel Goldwyn

 

[Utah Knight]

man who run in front of car get tired.

 

[Username:]

Africa is God's country, and He can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2nd. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. We at once proceeded three hundred miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on.

~Groucho Marx~

 

[Utah Knight]

"i shot an elephant in my pajamas how he got in my pajamas i'll never know" Groucho Marx

 

[Username:]

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--and I didn't hear it.

 

[roseduelist04]

shrek 2
Shrek:"Bet my bottom?"
Donkey: "Look at our mutant babies!"

Spongebob Squarepants
Doodlebob: "Me Spongebob you dooble."

 

[brinny]

"Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."

 

[brinny]

A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

 

[Username:]

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." Then she asked, "How do you feel?" and I said, "Well, you know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."