Funny Quotes and Stuff

[Ryoko Ozaki]

This is a game where you post a funny quote or two or more to entertain people. I'll start with a few:

"42.7% of all statistics are completely pointless"

"If the 711 is open 24/7, why are there locks on the doors?"

"Why do they have braille pads on the drive-through ATM machines?"

 

[Josephine]

"Pobodys Nerfect"

 

[juxrox]

oh...you're so young for your age

 

[RED that's ME]

Warnings on products

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

 

[Ryoko Ozaki]

I liked the last one the best out of those. lol

"If psychics were really "psychic" would they not call you?"

"If I spun an Asian would he become disoriented?"

 

[RED that's ME]

more warnings on products................

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

 

[Josephine]

warning lables on baby stuff :

"adult assembley required"
{really? i thought i might make my new bor put his own crib up...}

 

[Ryoko Ozaki]

Those are some really good ones Redgoddess. lol Here are some more from me:

"If Wal-Mart keeps lowering prices, how come nothing's ever free?"

Can't think of anymore....

 

[Josephine]

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa.
"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."
Ruby Wax.
"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."
Desmond Bagley.
"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
Joan Rivers
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
WC Fields.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.

 

[Ryoko Ozaki]

"I don't have multiple personalities. Yeah, me neither."
A friend of mine, or me. I'm not sure who pawned it anymore. lol

"They say a penny saved is a penny earned, yet you can earn a penny and spend it but it doesn't mean you didn't earn it."
Me (A few moments ago)

 

[Josephine]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]quotes by George W.Bush:[/font]

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."
"The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case."
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" [/font]

 

[Ryoko Ozaki]

"I are much smartar then yule ever bee!"

 

[Josephine]

Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
-- Steven Wright
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
-- Molly McGee
It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-- Richard Jeni
I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work.
-- A. E. Matthews (quoted in Filmgoer's Book of Quotes, 1973)
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
-- Jeff Marder
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
-- Lily Tomlin
I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
-- Eddie Izzard
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-- Albert Einstein
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.
-- Albert Einstein

 

[GodsAnthem]

why are APARTments called APARTments when they are all TOGETHER! Should'nt they be called TOGETHERments?

 

[RED that's ME]

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

 

[mesue]

I Think Therefore I Yam What I Yam
Popeye Descartes

 

[RED that's ME]

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em? --Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

 

[loveHIM_liveHIM]

there are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

Just in case you want to know or are ever in South Africa (which I will be this summer) here's your basic ways to say "thank you!"

"thank you" - "dankie" (pronounced dawn-key)
"thank you very much" - "baie dankie" (pronounced buy ah dawn-key)
"thank you very much sir" - "baie dankie manur"

seriously so practice this on all your friends.... baie dankie!!!!

 

[katylees]

on a Cadbury's fruit and nut bars

'warning: may contain nuts'