Funerals

[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Last week, the father of a childhood friend of mine was killed in an auto accident. He wasn't a goodly man, I doubt he ever went to church or that there came a time in his life that God granted him faith to believe on Jesus. This has gotten me thinking about different things lately. I intend to articulate all of this at a later time. One of the things I was thinking about is funerals.

I once saw a bumper sticker that read, "Life your life in a way that the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral." I don't know about everyone else that reads this, but I've been to several funerals of non-believers and I am perplexed by how the pastors handle this. In a nutshell, the preacher talks about how good the person was, how this person put their faith in Jesus when I know this is probably not the case. At my grandmother's funeral, the priest talked about how my grandmother was a regular mass attendee. My aunt gets up to talk next and promply tells everyone how church made my grandmother nervous! Why do preachers lie at funerals? Why not tell the truth? This person led a sinful life, as we all do, and more than likely is suffering in hell this day. Why not wake up the deceased love ones to the fact that this earth is temporal, and that those who do not call upon the lord for salvation are doomed to eternal punishment?

This man who died recently was about 50 years old. He lived 50 years on this Earth seeking his own pleasure, and now he is in hell for eternity getting his just punishment; the same punishment I deserve. Wake up Christians! Everyday people just like this man die and are given up to the wrath of God! We have all been commanded to tell those we know about the hope we have in Christ. This man's blood is on my hands. I knew him for years but was too ashamed to speak out. Granted I haven't seen him in 12 years, but that doesn't change the fact that I know people just like him who I willingly allow to go down the path to hell without shouting "Stop! That path leads to eternal suffering." Most, if perhaps not all, will laugh at me and continue, but at least I know I tried.

My mother sent me a few pictures of him in an e-mail. One is a recent picture taken with his son recently returned from Iraq. I've made it my wallpaper so that I am constantly reminded that there are lost people in my life that are condemned to hell and do not realise it. I pray that this encourages all of us, myself especially, to be bold for the Lord, to proclaim his name!

 

[Techbot]

all just to comfort the family...
I totally agree with your point, its deceiving in a way. But they are there to comfort the relatives. If they know the person wasn't a Christian they should focus on other things about the person, his home life, the way he cared for his family etc. and NOT try to make it out like its all good and he's on his way to heaven.

Speaking about someone now burning in hell could also anger family members to the point to where those that are lost are turned off of Christianity altogether.

 

[Andry]

I understand and can completely relate, but please don't point the finger at the preacher who's 'lying'.

If you were the person giving the eulogy, what would you say about this man, in front of his family and friends. Go ahead, give an example of what you would actually say.....

Say something that was 'the truth' about the man, but the end result would probably be hurtful to the family.

The point being, you are not the judge, since you knew not his heart. Period. This is not washing down the doctrine of salvation. But simply, we are not the judge, and we don't know his heart. So we cannot assume that he's been condemned to hell.

So then, what is that preacher left with? Could it be, because of wisdom and understanding, this preacher knows the good things about the man to bring his family some comfort, some dignity, and that the preacher is the one being Christ-like in character at the time of sorrow for the family, and perhaps through him, the family might see Jesus and be saved too?

Just something to think about.

 

[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Hmm.... what would I say?

I guess I would recall some of the memories that I had of this man in the years that I knew him. I realise that as far as funerals are concerned, this is not easy. There must be some way to bring the point across without being overly harsh to the family. Oh the many things to think on!

At the least, I wish that preachers would, as Techbot say, act as if things are just perfect and the deceased is in heaven.

Andre, I know that I cannot judge this man as to his salvation. Hopefully I made that clear earlier. However, we can still get a pretty good idea of a person just by knowing them.

I started this to talk about funerals, but I hope you all read the rest of this post and take to heart that people die everyday without salvation. It is a horrible thought. It takes a death relatively close to me to be reminded of this.

On a simlar note, my former supervisor died October 6, 2002. He was a deacon in the church and a godly man. He wasn't perfect, I knew him well enough to be sure of that , but if his speak and convictions were sincere, he weighted for the Kingdom of God. The pastor who did his funeral, who was terminal ill with cancer at the time, preached wonderfully of following this godly man's example. He used the death of a Godly man as an opportunity to preach the gospel to those who came to his funeral. I guess my point is that funerals of godly people can be used as tools to give edification for all as well.

 

[Andry]

I started this to talk about funerals, but I hope you all read the rest of this post and take to heart that people die everyday without salvation. It is a horrible thought. It takes a death relatively close to me to be reminded of this.

It's an absolutely horrible thought. Which is why we continue to press on and encourage one another in going out into the world to teach, preach, share, and live the Kingdom of God.

I find funerals are also an opportunity to convict people that their lives, at least while here on earth, are fragile and finite.

God bless!

 

[charligirl]

Our pastor is honest a funerals, He preaches the gospel and says that we do not know what is in a man's heart, that is between Him and God. It's a fine line between truth and comfort.. but there should not be lies for comfort.

 

[Mercy Me]

Our pastor preached at a funeral for the wife of a member of our church. She was 28 years old, married with 5 kids. She had been a drug addict. For awhile, she was sober, but turned back to drugs with a vengeance. She also turned to bi-sexuality, stealing, etc. In some lucid moments she would go to a deacon's house and beg for help, but when told to repent, get help and get right with God, she would scream: "There is no God! I am going to hell!"

She was shot and killed by the police while trying to attack an officer with a knife.

Her funeral was a sad and solemn occasion. There was no rejoicing. Pastor told the truth to the congregation. She renounced God....she was not in heaven. There was great weeping and mourning.

It was an honest wake-up call....and subesequently resulted in many salvations.

 

[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Wow Mercy Me, that was a terribly sad story.

Not trying to be high and mighty, but this woman's story sounds a bit like Romans 1:18 and forward. God, if he wills, can take a sad situation like that and use it to open the hearts of people to believe on Jesus. Praise the Lord for those whom he turned on that day!

 

[Techbot]

I understand and can completely relate, but please don't point the finger at the preacher who's 'lying'.

If you were the person giving the eulogy, what would you say about this man, in front of his family and friends. Go ahead, give an example of what you would actually say.....

Say something that was 'the truth' about the man, but the end result would probably be hurtful to the family.

The point being, you are not the judge, since you knew not his heart. Period. This is not washing down the doctrine of salvation. But simply, we are not the judge, and we don't know his heart. So we cannot assume that he's been condemned to hell.

So then, what is that preacher left with? Could it be, because of wisdom and understanding, this preacher knows the good things about the man to bring his family some comfort, some dignity, and that the preacher is the one being Christ-like in character at the time of sorrow for the family, and perhaps through him, the family might see Jesus and be saved too?

Just something to think about.

Well said. The preacher should try to comfort the family. But coming out and saying the man was in heaven is a lie. It's best done as you said "only God knows his heart". Period and leave it at that. To expound on it anymore makes no sense.

 

[desi]

Our pastor is honest a funerals, He preaches the gospel and says that we do not know what is in a man's heart, that is between Him and God. It's a fine line between truth and comfort.. but there should not be lies for comfort.

A man I can respect, honest yet tactful.

 

[bamagirl]

As my pastor said the other night at church, he does not know anybody elses heart but his own...only God knows our heart...I had a 16 year old neice get killed last November...3 weeks before she was killed, I got the privilige of spending about 8 hours with her at my house alone...I knew the life she was living...into wrong crowds, drugs, violence and everything else...I talked and argued and pleaded with her to change her ways...spoke with her about God, but she wouldn't have no part of what I was saying...she loved her way of living and even confessed to me that she would die before she was 21 years old...I cried for her soul and was point blank with her in telling her she was headed for hell...my pastor preached her funeral 3 weeks later...he said that if she had time to repent, then she was in heaven...if not, she was in hell....he did preach to all the drug heads who were at the funeral though and told them that it wasn't to late for them...my sister, her Mom, thinks her daughter is in heaven and I want to think that too...noone wants to think about their family being in hell..and really we don't know if she is or not...she was high on meth when she died and trying to outrun the cops...so I really don't know...In answer to your question though, I know they don't want to hurt the families anymore than they are hurting...they have a very hard job of preaching at a funeral of an unsaved person.

 

[Rafael]

Three eternal things we can extend to others suffering loss. Hope, faith, and love. Final judgment is reserved for God, and not for me, even in my imagination. As mentioned, if they get the very punishment, I deserve, then it is because of grace and mercy I barely understand and couild only hope to minister as I have received. The merciful will receive mercy, and those lucid moments may seem like eternity to the One standing in eternity to judge them, such as the lady mentioned of the meth addict that would seek mercy when the demons would release control long enough for her to be lucid. She may be in heaven along side the lunatic Jesus delivered who could do no more than throw himself into the fire.

 

[alwayselearning]

Last week, the father of a childhood friend of mine was killed in an auto accident. He wasn't a goodly man, I doubt he ever went to church or that there came a time in his life that God granted him faith to believe on Jesus. This has gotten me thinking about different things lately. I intend to articulate all of this at a later time. One of the things I was thinking about is funerals.

I once saw a bumper sticker that read, "Life your life in a way that the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral." I don't know about everyone else that reads this, but I've been to several funerals of non-believers and I am perplexed by how the pastors handle this. In a nutshell, the preacher talks about how good the person was, how this person put their faith in Jesus when I know this is probably not the case. At my grandmother's funeral, the priest talked about how my grandmother was a regular mass attendee. My aunt gets up to talk next and promply tells everyone how church made my grandmother nervous! Why do preachers lie at funerals? Why not tell the truth? This person led a sinful life, as we all do, and more than likely is suffering in hell this day. Why not wake up the deceased love ones to the fact that this earth is temporal, and that those who do not call upon the lord for salvation are doomed to eternal punishment?

This man who died recently was about 50 years old. He lived 50 years on this Earth seeking his own pleasure, and now he is in hell for eternity getting his just punishment; the same punishment I deserve. Wake up Christians! Everyday people just like this man die and are given up to the wrath of God! We have all been commanded to tell those we know about the hope we have in Christ. This man's blood is on my hands.


QUOTE]

God bless you, Wilfered.

First I like to say that I am very sorry for the guit that you feel. I've read your posts and understand how you feel. I only wish I had words of comfort to give you. We should all approach this topic as seriously as you have suggested. Although,my opinion differes slightly on how the Pastor should address the congregation, I do absolutley feel that he should be as open and honest as humanly possible with out causing pain on top of thier mourning state.

I'm sorry for your Guilt. I can only hope that things will get better for you.

God Bless you

Jason