Frustrated with my bf

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I would never put my kid up for adoption and have the child fending for its own in the midst of an abusive society and adoption system. My bf is the product of that lifestyle.

Working full-time is what most people do. I plan to generate passive income and have been working on steps to do this for sometime now.

Im starting to think I might not be pregnant. My spotting isn't like pregnancy spotting, and so I made a Dr. Appt to see if it's a UTI (I'm prone to them) or something else.

I love my boyfriend, but he needs to give up the weed and shows no signs of ever wanting to quit that lifestyle.

Clearly your loneliness and desperation are causing you to stay in a relationship that will prove to be harmful to you.

There won't be much difference between the foster care system and two people who won't be in their child's life enough to have much influence on them due to having to work all the time. There's more to raising a child than food clothing and shelter.

As I said, you're grown and will make your own decisions. No one can tell you what to do. I just don't see this going anywhere good for anyone involved.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I would never put my kid up for adoption and have the child fending for its own in the midst of an abusive society and adoption system. My bf is the product of that lifestyle.

Working full-time is what most people do. I plan to generate passive income and have been working on steps to do this for sometime now.

Im starting to think I might not be pregnant. My spotting isn't like pregnancy spotting, and so I made a Dr. Appt to see if it's a UTI (I'm prone to them) or something else.

I love my boyfriend, but he needs to give up the weed and shows no signs of ever wanting to quit that lifestyle.

Clearly your loneliness and desperation are causing you to stay in a relationship that will prove to be harmful to you.

There won't be much difference between the foster care system and two people who won't be in their child's life enough to have much influence on them due to having to work all the time. There's more to raising a child than food clothing and shelter.

As I said, you're grown and will make your own decisions. No one can tell you what to do. I just don't see this going anywhere good for anyone involved.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Clearly your loneliness and desperation are causing you to stay in a relationship that will prove to be harmful to you.

There won't be much difference between the foster care system and two people who won't be in their child's life enough to have much influence on them due to having to work all the time. There's more to raising a child than food clothing and shelter.

As I said, you're grown and will make your own decisions. No one can tell you what to do. I just don't see this going anywhere good for anyone involved.

The foster system is so much worse. And 99% of Americans raise their kids like that so not sure why it would be any different for me. Not saying this is what I want but I've come to realize America prioritizes work and money over everything else even family.

But I have bigger problems to worry about. I have anxiety issues and depression that much is clear from how often I'm on here worrying. My current worry is not that I'm pregnant it's that may have miscarried and or threatened a pregnancy and not know it. Either that or I have a UTI. Trust me I really didn't understand enough about pregnancy or why birth control is bad. I made a horrible mistake and now I see why it's so awful.

Im scared about the plan b I took before if it actually aborted a baby instead of prevented pregnancy. It says it doesn't do that but now I'm not so sure. Also, I didn't know! But I regularly take high doses of vitamin c especially cause I was sick with an ear infection and chronic fatigue and thought I may have a UTI. So this weekend when I really started questioning pregnancy I looked up my vitamins to make sure it was safe if I was pregnant. To my horror I found out vitamin c at 1000mg or higher can cause miscarriages. I stopped taking it immediately. Now I'm so scared what if I was pregnant and killed a baby. Or what if I miscarried earlier. I scheduled an appointment with my Dr. But I'm panicking. The worst thing in the world would be a miscarriage.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

The foster system is so much worse. And 99% of Americans raise their kids like that so not sure why it would be any different for me. Not saying this is what I want but I've come to realize America prioritizes work and money over everything else even family.

But I have bigger problems to worry about. I have anxiety issues and depression that much is clear from how often I'm on here worrying. My current worry is not that I'm pregnant it's that may have miscarried and or threatened a pregnancy and not know it. Either that or I have a UTI. Trust me I really didn't understand enough about pregnancy or why birth control is bad. I made a horrible mistake and now I see why it's so awful.

Im scared about the plan b I took before if it actually aborted a baby instead of prevented pregnancy. It says it doesn't do that but now I'm not so sure. Also, I didn't know! But I regularly take high doses of vitamin c especially cause I was sick with an ear infection and chronic fatigue and thought I may have a UTI. So this weekend when I really started questioning pregnancy I looked up my vitamins to make sure it was safe if I was pregnant. To my horror I found out vitamin c at 1000mg or higher can cause miscarriages. I stopped taking it immediately. Now I'm so scared what if I was pregnant and killed a baby. Or what if I miscarried earlier. I scheduled an appointment with my Dr. But I'm panicking. The worst thing in the world would be a miscarriage.

I'm trying not to cry. I don't even know if I'm pregnant or if I was but I have a tendency to panic about everything. I hate birth control now and my own ignorance. I don't feel okay with it anymore there's too much I don't understand about the formation of the baby and how birth control affects things. I used to think it didn't make sense to compare birth control to abortion, but now I'm not so sure since accidents can happen with birth control. It's better to not have sex.

How am I gonna get through this week or the next couple weeks without feeling like the worst person in the world?


Trying to just calm myself and say I'm not and didn't have a miscarriage I'm not and never was but it's not helping.

I just want my bf to give up smoking, get married, and have kids. I even thought of trying to pray with him. I prayed the other day in his room with him. Really just want a family. Want things to be okay.

 

[Poppyseed78]

One step at a time. There's too much unnecessary drama here.

Listen, you need to take a pregnancy test. Speculating whether you're pregnant or not is not helping anything. When is your period due? If it's not due yet, then you can't possibly have had a miscarriage yet. Just take a pregnancy test (I would suggest having a few on hand just to make sure), and then go from there. Stress can mess with your period, so there is no way to know anything until you pee on a stick.

If you are pregnant, I strongly recommend you focus on yourself and the baby. Don't worry about your bf.

If you aren't pregnant, I think you should put your bf behind you and move on. You can do better. I understand you want a family, but it has to be with the right person. It sounds to me like you want to change him into who you want him to be, but that will never happen. I also think counseling could be beneficial for you - whether or not you're pregnant. Also, no matter what, I do think you should abstain from any premarital sex. That doesn't lead to anything good.

I'm praying that God grants you peace and comfort in whatever happens.

 

[turkle]

Let me summarize what you said yourself:

• He smokes weed, though he knows that you find that unacceptable
• He ignores your contacts regularly
• He makes you feel like he doesn't care if you're in the room or house
• He isn't affectionate
• He gets snappy and disagreeable when he's not smoking weed
• You are motivated by fear and loneliness
• You are so paranoid and distrustful of him that you drove to his job to see if he was there
• You are regularly filled with anxiety
• You have a tendency to panic about everything
• On another thread, you said that you want to commit suicide

None of these things indicate that either of you are ready for marriage or parenting. In fact, they almost guarantee that the future is very bleak if you stay together.

I agree, you need to take a pregnancy test. Why haven't you done so if you are so fearful of being pregnant. That's another red flag.

If you are indeed pregnant, I strongly urge you to consider adoption. Adoption is not fostering. It is for people who want to love a child that is not of their own biology, who can raise the child as their own.

You also say that he believes in God and knows the Bible...but Satan himself does the same. It doesn't mean that he's saved. In fact, if he is, then there should be fruit. An emotional experience like you describe doesn't mean anything unless there is full repentance and the evidence of Holy Spirit transformation in the way a person lives. I'm guessing there is no evidence of that.

A man who loves his lady will bend over backwards to please her and edify her. From what you say, it sounds like there is none of that.

It is all too common that lonely people attach themselves to people for all the wrong reasons: to alleviate loneliness, because they want a companion, to just have someone, anyone, to call their own. If you look through this board you will see lots of people who did that and live to regret it, often dragging innocent children into the mess they created.

Please think with your brain and not your emotions. A man is not a good husband simply because he has a steady job. He is a good husband because he loves you, cherishes you, and makes it a top priority to care for you. Does he fit the bill? From what you said, he does not.

Finally, and I'm really sorry to say this, but if you are anxiety ridden, then it will be very hard to be a good wife. I encourage you to address this first before you get into any serious relationships. From what you've said, I think that you could benefit greatly from professional help. Once you have overcome your obstacles, you will be better prepared to have a healthy relationship with an emotionally healthy and mature man. This one does not sound like a good candidate at all.