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Friendship
- Thread starter dakotaskye
- Start date
Yes. I believe so 100%. Many of my closest friends are females, and my ex-wife never discouraged that.
HOWEVER, I believe it is critically important that my spouse knows and is friends with my friends of the opposite sex. If she feels at all uncomfortable, then my spouse comes first... period. I try to go out of my way to ensure that doesn't happen and address any concerns immediately.
HOWEVER, I believe it is critically important that my spouse knows and is friends with my friends of the opposite sex. If she feels at all uncomfortable, then my spouse comes first... period. I try to go out of my way to ensure that doesn't happen and address any concerns immediately.
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LiberatedChick
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Yes of course. I have a male friend that I've known since school...he's a friend of both of us really but I chat with him more often. I actually find I get on better with guys anyway.
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well said. I have friends who are male, but if my husband were uncomfortable I'd say later to them. My husband is #1 to me and his feelings are more important than whether or not I have a particular friend.
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Mrs. Enigma
Transformers was awesome!!!!
We have no close friends of the opposite sex. I think that is a dangerous game to play.
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
Well-Known Member
What Jenna said...
A lot of my friends recently got married - so I do have a lot of male married friends right now!
However, there are certain rules I have put down subconsciously to protect that persons marriage...
1) They do not talk to me about problems with their wife - that is for them to discuss with either their wife, or a male friend
2) I do not meet up with them for coffee, dinner, etc without the wife there - anywhere where our friendship could be misconstrued by others as something else.
3) I don't discuss my relationship issues with him either, or any topic that could end with me in tears and him holding me.
I believe it is possible to have those friendships, PROVIDED you have the rules as mentioned above clearly in place.
I know I'm single, but I have been engaged before, so have thought about this in quite a bit of depth. Plus, with all my friends getting married this year, it has come up in generic conversations with them - both the men and the women.
Sasch
ps. Of course your SO's feelings should come first, so if they don't feel comfortable, I hope I'd be willing enough to let the friendship go for the sake of him.
A lot of my friends recently got married - so I do have a lot of male married friends right now!
However, there are certain rules I have put down subconsciously to protect that persons marriage...
1) They do not talk to me about problems with their wife - that is for them to discuss with either their wife, or a male friend
2) I do not meet up with them for coffee, dinner, etc without the wife there - anywhere where our friendship could be misconstrued by others as something else.
3) I don't discuss my relationship issues with him either, or any topic that could end with me in tears and him holding me.
I believe it is possible to have those friendships, PROVIDED you have the rules as mentioned above clearly in place.
I know I'm single, but I have been engaged before, so have thought about this in quite a bit of depth. Plus, with all my friends getting married this year, it has come up in generic conversations with them - both the men and the women.
Sasch
ps. Of course your SO's feelings should come first, so if they don't feel comfortable, I hope I'd be willing enough to let the friendship go for the sake of him.
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If any people on this earth can be friends with members of the opposit sex, it had better be the Christians!
To declare that it should not happen is to believe that men and women are mearly sexual animals who cannot be faithful and cannot control their passions. It says that sexual drives are more powerful than the blood of Christ.
At the same time, men and women need to use good judgement and be cautious. One cannot be friends with someone to whom you are sexually attracted. If one is married, the marriage relationship comes before any friendships, so we need to honor our spouses and their wishes. We always need to behave properly - when getting together be selective where and when and keep it public.
I really believe that healthy male/female friendships are one thing that Christians should excell in!
To declare that it should not happen is to believe that men and women are mearly sexual animals who cannot be faithful and cannot control their passions. It says that sexual drives are more powerful than the blood of Christ.
At the same time, men and women need to use good judgement and be cautious. One cannot be friends with someone to whom you are sexually attracted. If one is married, the marriage relationship comes before any friendships, so we need to honor our spouses and their wishes. We always need to behave properly - when getting together be selective where and when and keep it public.
I really believe that healthy male/female friendships are one thing that Christians should excell in!
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- Jun 14, 2004
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Excellent rules to have in place.Sascha Fitzpatrick said:
My closest friend after my wife is female. While we followed 1) and 3), we didn't follow 2). We worked near each other and regularly met for lunch. We were surprised when rumors got started, but probably shouldn't have been. Fortunately my wife knew the truth and we implemented rule 2). But it still caused my wife some hurt that shouldn't have happened if I had been wiser.
Not true for the typical man. If it is for you, you have my sympathies.Behe's Boy said:
For most men there are women they are sexually attracted to, and women to whom they are not. Women who initally fall into the first category can move to the second as you learn more about them, or vice versa. And even pretty women can fall into the not sexually attractive arena depending on your relationship (as men with a beautiful sister can attest). I do believe that if you find yourself feeling even the slightest hint of sexual attraction to a woman who is not your spouse (assuming one of you is married), you can forget the idea of having a close friendship with that person. It's just too risky.
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Behe's Boy -
Perhaps you are confusing an awareness and appreciation for someone's sexuality with sexual attraction.
I have many male friends, and my husband many female friends. I can look at my guy friends and appreciate their attractivness, masculinity and male way of thought and not have any interest in taking them to bed.
Do sexual thoughts about them ever flash through my mind? Sure. I'm human. But those temptations do not mean I must yield to them, or linger over them, or go back and explore them further. I can prayerfully put such temptation behind me and/or flee from it.
I can't see declaring 1/2 of the population as off limits for friendship.
I'm not saying that male/female friendships aren't a challenge at times, but so are same gender friendships, usually in different ways.
Perhaps you are confusing an awareness and appreciation for someone's sexuality with sexual attraction.
I have many male friends, and my husband many female friends. I can look at my guy friends and appreciate their attractivness, masculinity and male way of thought and not have any interest in taking them to bed.
Do sexual thoughts about them ever flash through my mind? Sure. I'm human. But those temptations do not mean I must yield to them, or linger over them, or go back and explore them further. I can prayerfully put such temptation behind me and/or flee from it.
I can't see declaring 1/2 of the population as off limits for friendship.
I'm not saying that male/female friendships aren't a challenge at times, but so are same gender friendships, usually in different ways.
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Cright
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... I think that married people can have friends of the opposite sex for sure! My mom had a friend named Dennis.. he's now my dad's friend too.. my parents have been married 30 years and that was just one example of a good friend (who was my mom's friend even before she met my dad) continueing to be a friend through years of a marriage.
My bf has female friends and I have male friends, and I hope that that we'll both continue to be close to all of our friends no matter what stages of life we go through.
my $.02
Carina
My bf has female friends and I have male friends, and I hope that that we'll both continue to be close to all of our friends no matter what stages of life we go through.
my $.02
Carina
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