Friends first?

[savedandforgiven]

Coach is right...ask your parents whether they were "friends first". I bet most will say no.

 

[InvisibleViolet]

I would like to be friends with someone before we date but I'm also willing to date someone when I first meet them if they catch my attention. The worst relationship I've ever had was with a guy that I have been friends with for over a year. After we started going out he showed what kind of motives and feelings he really had. So being friends doesn't always equal knowing what a person is really like especially when you are blind to the signs.

 

[Neve]

Coach is right...ask your parents whether they were "friends first". I bet most will say no.

Agreed. My parents weren't "friends first." It would be interesting to take this to the women's or married forum and ask how many had an extended friendship with their spouse before dating.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

Agreed. My parents weren't "friends first." It would be interesting to take this to the women's or married forum and ask how many had an extended friendship with their spouse before dating.

I think you'd be suprised hun. The most loving married couples I've known over the years are those that started out as friends first. I'm not saying that there aren't loving married couples that had sparks from the beginning, but sparks don't make a great marriage. A genuine love for each others company does.

 

[Blank123]

Coach is right...ask your parents whether they were "friends first". I bet most will say no.

actually mine were

 

[Niels]

I view dating (going on dates) as a way to be friends first.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Coach is right...ask your parents whether they were "friends first". I bet most will say no.

My parents are divorced too...... what's the conclusion?

 

[alfrodull]

The thing about dating friends, or even admitting your feelings for them, is that when you split up, you typically either break up the entire circle of friends or cause on person to loose all their friends. Not something I'd do again.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I think friends first is a wonderful thing. How long, now that is the question.... If it is too long, it can become a problem.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

The thing about dating friends, or even admitting your feelings for them, is that when you split up, you typically either break up the entire circle of friends or cause on person to loose all their friends. Not something I'd do again.

So not being friends should make it easier when the couple splits or gets divorced?

 

[charlie_hunter]

Coach's experience mirrors my own and i'm sure %99 of guys. however, that %1 exists...........i have a friend who was mates with a girl for a year and a half before they both started dating, it can happen, but then again so can winning the lotto.........dosent mean i'm going out to buy a ticket in that draw. they are the only couple i've ever met that's done this.

i've come to the point in my life where i have been blessed with so many female friends that i dont fear expressing an attraction to a girl who i dont know that well, better to be honest from day one and im not worried about 'loosing' them as a friend or making things arkward. if they feel arkward, they can go elsewhere.


everyone is different, but the shared experience of myself and those that i know who i've discussed this with shows that although many girls like the idea that they can be friends with a guy first, it just dosent work that way, plain and simple. Gardener101 hits the nail on the head (as always) by saying that once you're in the friend zone, you die there. if you like a girl, go for it, dont try and cultivate a friendship first, that's what dating is for.

friendship is the base of all healthy relationships, but it can be cultivated in a relationship........it can be quite young to begin with.

 

[Gardener101]

Coach's experience mirrors my own and i'm sure %99 of guys. however, that %1 exists...........i have a friend who was mates with a girl for a year and a half before they both started dating, it can happen, but then again so can winning the lotto.........dosent mean i'm going out to buy a ticket in that draw. they are the only couple i've ever met that's done this.

i've come to the point in my life where i have been blessed with so many female friends that i dont fear expressing an attraction to a girl who i dont know that well, better to be honest from day one and im not worried about 'loosing' them as a friend or making things arkward. if they feel arkward, they can go elsewhere.


everyone is different, but the shared experience of myself and those that i know who i've discussed this with shows that although many girls like the idea that they can be friends with a guy first, it just dosent work that way, plain and simple. Gardener101 hits the nail on the head (as always) by saying that once you're in the friend zone, you die there. if you like a girl, go for it, dont try and cultivate a friendship first, that's what dating is for.

friendship is the base of all healthy relationships, but it can be cultivated in a relationship........it can be quite young to begin with.

Why...thank you very much

 

[*Starlight*]

I don't really have experience when it comes to things like that, but I've always thought that you first become friends with a person, and then maybe the friendship will get close enough so that you start dating...

 

[savedandforgiven]

I think you should know the other person...to the point that you know whether or not they are a Christian, whether or not you are compatible, etc. but creating this huge "friendship" thing can be time-consuming and often leads to nowhere.
I know up until last year I always said I would like to be friends first with whoever I dated. but then, since when have I ever liked a close friend as something more? NEVER! It's something girls say and think they mean but rarely act on.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think friendship is an extremely important part of a relationship. My husband and I were friends for the first 2 months (he was recently separated at the time). We ended up dating and marrying and stayed married, until he went to be with the Lord, almost 25 years. And in the end, when our beauty has failed us, or our physical parts, friendship will be of utmost importance. If I am attracted to someone I don't want to "just" be friends with them, I would want them to ask me out. But in the end, we would need to be able to become good friends, because that is what makes a great relationship.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I think friendship is an extremely important part of a relationship. My husband and I were friends for the first 2 months (he was recently separated at the time). We ended up dating and marrying and stayed married, until he went to be with the Lord, almost 25 years. And in the end, when our beauty has failed us, or our physical parts, friendship will be of utmost importance. If I am attracted to someone I don't want to "just" be friends with them, I would want them to ask me out. But in the end, we would need to be able to become good friends, because that is what makes a great relationship.

That was an awesome post Michelle! I agree with you about friendship being part of a strong foundation for a successful marriage! Thanks for sharing...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

That was an awesome post Michelle! I agree with you about friendship being part of a strong foundation for a successful marriage! Thanks for sharing...

You are SO welcome, dear friend. to you too

 

[Labayu]

I think you should know the other person...to the point that you know whether or not they are a Christian, whether or not you are compatible, etc. but creating this huge "friendship" thing can be time-consuming and often leads to nowhere.
I know up until last year I always said I would like to be friends first with whoever I dated. but then, since when have I ever liked a close friend as something more? NEVER! It's something girls say and think they mean but rarely act on.

I think this is pretty much spot on. It's partly about the level of friendship and maybe the length of it. Which is why:

Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesSager3
Don't be a friend with a girl you want to date or she'll end up dating one of your friends.

There's some truth in that, though.

 

[Llauralin]

Speaking only for myself, I would be willing to date some of my guy friends, if one of them were to ask, but if I did end up going out with the one I really like, I would have just wasted a lot of energy trying to be good friends and nothing more with a person I really like. Not to say that the friendship isn't worth it (I believe it is), but being "friends first" with a person I'd like to date just seems like it'd involve a great deal of wasted emotional energy, trying to guess his intentions before dating.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I started a poll.

It looks like "friends first" is winning

http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=41330255#post41330255