Friends first

[squeakyclean1]

Yep, we were friends for about 6 months before we started dating...and we've been together for 14 months

 

[Deliberatetourist]

How does one date a person without being friends first?
I had to know someone first before I was interested in dating them. Even then I got a few surprises and I'm sure vice versa as well.
How do you be interested in a relationship with a person you do not know? I'm not telling. I'm asking.

Those of us who's attaction is spontaneus could ask the same question of you from our own perspectives. My parents were friends for many years before they were married and cannot fathom my "love at first sight" attraction for females. Attraction has never developed for me either I am or I am not attracted to someone and I know that from the get go. You may not undertand it but just accept it. I cannot understand how someone can become intimately attracted to someone they don't find physically attrative. But I understand that some people do.

 

[Nyssa]

We were, but not for very long

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

In the past I did not exercise the friends first concept.

I am now truly getting to know a guy as a friend who I have known for 6 months and with whom we expressed our mutual feelings for one another 3 months ago.

Sometimes it's hard because I've never done it this way before and I don't know for sure if we will end up together. But it feels right and the times i did it the other way in the past never turned out any good.

I've noticed lately how in the definition of love in corinthians, "patience" is the first word to describe love.

I think that means a LOT more than we give it credit for.

B4A

 

[Maeyken]

We were friends first, for a short time. We met each other, and did some group activity stuff before we started dating. We never really spent time alone together before dating though (except like in the car driving to an event or whatever)

It worked out great for us, and we are definitely best friends now.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

LOL we met the day before we started dating and it worked for us.

 

[JourneyRain]

I'm kind of talking to someone right now but we are trying to strengthen the friendship first as we are miles away from each other. I'm praying (and hoping) it will turn into something more then friendship eventually.

 

[AceHero]

I think it's a great idea to be friends before pursuing a deeper relationship. I think a lot of relationships break up quickly because you've only gotten to know the other person through dates, and not with true friendship. I think a relationship is a passageway to dating, not the other way around.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I think it's a great idea to be friends before pursuing a deeper relationship. I think a lot of relationships break up quickly because you've only gotten to know the other person through dates, and not with true friendship. I think a relationship is a passageway to dating, not the other way around.

amen! you are wise beyond your years!

 

[princessellie]

ive been in both situations, ive dated ppl i was reviously friends with and ppl i have just met

at the moment i am dating the most amazing guy that ive ever met, he is so good to me and we get along extremely well, the best relationship i have ever been in . . . we met online and started dating within a few weeks ok talking to oneanother

on the other side of the equation i have dated ppl i was friends with, my only issue with this is that if/when the relationship ends it can ruin the friendship as i has done for me, i have lost many great friendships because i dated friends

 

[AceHero]

ive been in both situations, ive dated ppl i was reviously friends with and ppl i have just met

at the moment i am dating the most amazing guy that ive ever met, he is so good to me and we get along extremely well, the best relationship i have ever been in . . . we met online and started dating within a few weeks ok talking to oneanother

on the other side of the equation i have dated ppl i was friends with, my only issue with this is that if/when the relationship ends it can ruin the friendship as i has done for me, i have lost many great friendships because i dated friends

That's the thing I'm conflicting with. The status quo says, "Don't date your friends," and that makes sense because if you break up your friendship would never be the same, but on the other hand it seems extremely practical because you'd think a romantic relationship would have a greater chance of survival if you already know the person.

I think the problem people make are that they're just regular friends with each other when they start going out together, and the relationship ends up in misery. Now, I think it's wise to be friends with someone before pursuing a relationship, but I think there should be some interest in each other when becoming normal friends. I don't think it's wise to just wake one morning and say, "Oh, I'm now attracted to my friend. I think we should go out."

In September I'll start attending a private college where more than 60% of the student population is female. While I shouldn't just try becoming friends with someone to pursue a romantic relationship, I do need to try to make some female acquaintances and then step back and see not solely who I'm physically attracted to, but also who I should try to pursue a relationship with—a friendly one, that is.

I think the best bet would to be friends with someone you have some attraction to, and vice-versa. Then there wouldn't be any, um, "unrequited attraction." Continue to become good friends and see if anything happens, but don't rush anything. If she asks me if I want to go to a movie with her, does she just want to go with a friend to see the latest flick, or does she want to see how'd I'd react to being one-on-one with her without really being on a date? (And in the end, if nothing really clicked between us, then there wouldn't really be any harm done. It'd just be going to a movie.)

I won't start on the road to dating. Some people take that detour—the trip's shorter, the roadway's a little smoother, and the drive is somewhat scenic, but only because you don't know what else is out there. The original route is longer, a little bumpier, and can be a little more difficult to maneuver, but in the end the view is so much nicer. By driving down the original road of friendship, I'll come to a fork eventually: I can continue being friends, or take a risk and pursue something more. It's up to me if and when I should make that turn.

Just my theories and thoughts. I also needed to get rid of some methaphors.

 

[Briseis]

It is a tough decison. But for ppl like us hopeful not, cuz we are all wise here.

The thing is to think it through really well first. Some ppl date their friends like a fling and ruin everything. There is always a chance it wont work, but being friends first gives you a better idea if it will or not.

 

[hasnoname]

I wouldnt date someone I wasnt friends with, that I didnt know very well before hand. Then again, I wouldnt get in a meaningless relationship...that is one just for fun...one that is not marriage minded.

However, you said that even though you are on a break, you can see yourself getting together again. I just want to say that could be a very very dangerous view. Hopefully, by taking a break you are also focusing more on God. But with that hope of being together again...you are not completely surrendering the relationship. It is like saying, God I am going to get out of this relationship and focus on you...but only until I am good enough with you to be back in a relationship. The problem is, you are making this relationship or really the break conditional. A break should be a complete break...no thoughts of a relationship whatsoever. You give the relationship up to God as an offering, and completely release it from you mind...and if God leads you back to each other...then you go. But not until He does.

Now I going from your wording...so it just sounded like you really desire to be back with this guy later...and there is nothing wrong with that...just be careful. Remember the purpose of the break...

 

[Niels]

That's what the first few dates are for. It's still "friends first" in reality (plus entertaining possibility at some future time), but a lot more honest than befriending someone with the ulterior motive of eventually getting them to date you.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

That's what the first few dates are for. It's still "friends first" in reality (plus entertaining possibility at some future time), but a lot more honest than befriending someone with the ulterior motive of eventually getting them to date you.

I wouldn't say that people who are on a date are actually "friends". I've dated a few people who when we broke it off we never saw each other again. I wouldn't exactly call that a friendship. I really wish the concept of friends first worked for me but as I have stated before most of my female friends are deviod of any attractive qualities and the ones that aren't are married....big suprise. My dates have always initially been sort of like a tense aquantanceship. We are evaluating each other to see if we want to pursue things further. When my friends and I go out its just a free for all, nothin in particular minimal gender politics, etc........ But The chances of me developing any attraction to any of them is not possible. It takes two to tango. I guess I feel more comfortable having people as my friends that pose no possibility of me developing deeper feelings for them. Then I would have to ask that is it possible for me to really be friends with someone when the possibility is there that I could really begin to love them at some point? And if that is the case I will know that from the start so I would not be comfortable I guess being friends with a person who could pose a chance that soething more could develop. I knew a guy who was in that situation where his "friend" became romantically involved with someone else. This was just about the time that he began to develop feelings for her. It tore him apart.

 

[theAmishGirl]

we were friends for a little while- but once we met, we were never apart- so we knew a lot about each other in a short time!

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I won't start on the road to dating. Some people take that detour—the trip's shorter, the roadway's a little smoother, and the drive is somewhat scenic, but only because you don't know what else is out there. The original route is longer, a little bumpier, and can be a little more difficult to maneuver, but in the end the view is so much nicer. By driving down the original road of friendship, I'll come to a fork eventually: I can continue being friends, or take a risk and pursue something more. It's up to me if and when I should make that turn.

Ok, that is just tooo awesome! I love the analogy and I couldn't agree more. Thanks so much for reinstating what seems to be such a rare opinion these days and for the encouragement this brought.

God bless!

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to AceHero again.