Friends first

[Beautiful Fireball]

How many of you were friends with your SO before you started dating? I have heard some people say that it is better to start out as friends and then date, but just wanted to see anybody elses experience. The reason I ask is because I was dating a guy, long distance and about a month ago we decided to take a break and see what happened. Well the past couple of weeks God was showing both of us that the last thing we needed was a relationship right now, as we both have a lot on our plates. So we decided to be friends for the time being (i have since moved close to where he is) and I am actually happy about it. While we were on our break period I did not feel that things would ever work out, and now, even after we decided that we would just be friends, I feel like we have a very good chane of being together successfully in the future. I don't know if God is showing me this, or if I am just being delusional, but I feel real peace about it. I guess in addition to my above question, does anyone else think that I am kidding myself? Any insight, thoughts, answers, or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

 

[Briseis]

Me and my bf were best friends for about a year before dating. We learned more about each other in that time than since, so we were more sure about making the decison to date than if we hadnt been friends.

 

[Inperfected]

We'd been best friends for about 3 years before dating even became an option in my mind. I was dating his best mate for the last year of that time, and we had great fun together... I didn't know he'd loved me all along. Then I guess a week where I thought about dating.. And then we began "unofficially dating" (as opposed to official what we started 8 months later (Oh my he's got a lot of patience!)) a week after me and my ex split up.

Friendship was defiantely first, and everyone thought we should be together before we actually were... But don't anyone go copy my "method". It broke hearts all around. And mine has only just mended nearly 2 years later.

 

[California Dreamin']

I've known Paul since I was 14 and we tried dating then and it didn't work, but we stayed as friends. Now here we are 5-6 years later and together again.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Thanks for the replies!

 

[Wisteria]

My boyfriend and I were friends for a few months before we became a couple. I think that is so essential to begin as friends. True friendship builds a solid foundation for if you ever become a couple, allowing you to really get to know each other.

 

[Inperfected]

But as for the "applying to your situation" bit... My mum once told me, don't go back to somone unless there is a MAJOR change that has taken place in one or all of the areas you broke up.

It's rung true everytime for me, and i wish many of my friends had saved heartache and gone with it too...

 

[gibbs]

Yeah, I just can't invision in my life, dating anyone who wasn't your best friend.

Being best friends first gave us a substantial better chance to learn about each other...(though, I don't know that I like the sound of being best friends first, because I think you need to be best friends all the way through).

Just my 2 cents.

God Bless,

Eric

 

[Scotty_Aussie87]

Yeh i spose i rather date a sheila who is a friend, mainly cos i dont take courage to ask out strangers, but it can have its awkward moments if shes a real close friend. i was real good friends with my ex before we started dating, now i'd be pushin to say more than three words to her a week

 

[Deliberatetourist]

How many of you were friends with your SO before you started dating? I have heard some people say that it is better to start out as friends and then date, but just wanted to see anybody elses experience. The reason I ask is because I was dating a guy, long distance and about a month ago we decided to take a break and see what happened. Well the past couple of weeks God was showing both of us that the last thing we needed was a relationship right now, as we both have a lot on our plates. So we decided to be friends for the time being (i have since moved close to where he is) and I am actually happy about it. While we were on our break period I did not feel that things would ever work out, and now, even after we decided that we would just be friends, I feel like we have a very good chane of being together successfully in the future. I don't know if God is showing me this, or if I am just being delusional, but I feel real peace about it. I guess in addition to my above question, does anyone else think that I am kidding myself? Any insight, thoughts, answers, or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

Hey if it works then go for it. It has never worked for me because all my female friends aren't good looking.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

How does one date a person without being friends first?
I had to know someone first before I was interested in dating them. Even then I got a few surprises and I'm sure vice versa as well.
How do you be interested in a relationship with a person you do not know? I'm not telling. I'm asking.

 

[Briseis]

How does one date a person without being friends first?
I had to know someone first before I was interested in dating them. Even then I got a few surprises and I'm sure vice versa as well.
How do you be interested in a relationship with a person you do not know? I'm not telling. I'm asking.

I think that everyone is friends with the person they date to an extent, but with my bf it was different because we were friends without interest in more for a long time. With past bfs I had a cruch almost immediately, we hang out for awhile, about a month or so, but no significant amount of time compared to my current bf, who I knew for almost 2 yrs before dating. We were true friends first.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

How does one date a person without being friends first?
I had to know someone first before I was interested in dating them. Even then I got a few surprises and I'm sure vice versa as well.
How do you be interested in a relationship with a person you do not know? I'm not telling. I'm asking.

For me, my attraction was instant, and I knew that this guy was special. Thats one of the reasons that I am not freaking out that we are just friends for the moment. But know that I am doing it this way, I think it is much better in the long run. I do believe that all good relationships need a good friendship foundation.

 

[Briseis]

I do believe that all good relationships need a good friendship foundation.

It doesnt always happen before they start dating though. Many, many couples are best friends, whether they were before or not. Those are the greatest relationships, when you call call your SO your best friend.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

It doesnt always happen before they start dating though. Many, many couples are best friends, whether they were before or not. Those are the greatest relationships, when you call call your SO your best friend.

I agree. I just never specified when that friendship had to form. I always want to be in a relationship where I consider my SO my best friend.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

Maybe this is just a personal preference, but I prefer not to get *too* comfortable as friends before I begin dating a man. In all cases where a best friend and I decided to date, it soon ended with the same line every time.. "I really like you, but our friendship is so important to me and I would rather not risk loosing it". A question to the men.. is this genuine, or just a popular cop-out?

A few guys have explained to me that once they enter the "friend zone" with a lady, there is no turning back for them and no hope for a relationship. Maybe those particular men simply weren't up to a challenge, though. =P

 

[Briseis]

Maybe this is just a personal preference, but I prefer not to get *too* comfortable as friends before I begin dating a man. In all cases where a best friend and I decided to date, it soon ended with the same line every time.. "I really like you, but our friendship is so important to me and I would rather not risk loosing it". P

Perhaps he just didnt have enough romantic feelings for you to risk the friendship. The friendship outweighed it. But with me and my bf, it was worth the risk.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

Perhaps he just didnt have enough romantic feelings for you to risk the friendship. The friendship outweighed it. But with me and my bf, it was worth the risk.

That is what I thought at first, but I started thinking that maybe theres more to it when some of my guy friends would talk about it in regard to the girls they like. It was like the friendship "phase" was an obstacle they had to overcome before they could get to the next level. I don't get it.. Maybe they were just particularly impatient. =P

 

[Tim114]

friendship between me and my girlfriend started six months before we tried a 'treading water' relationship. We had both been in a relationship before hand that was just turned ugly and wanted to really discover more about each other before other things. Well we had 1 year of building a 'close friendship' and the next shifted to find more about each other. Like smaller detail of our past and dreams. We find it funny how many things have mirrored in each other and yet there is a balance of difference (other then that I'm a guy and she's a girl ).

I always remind myself that this is a friends first and take our friendship as everything, over our 'in love' experience.

On the other hand my first relationship started with a friendship of 3 or more years, but was tarnished when she broke it off. I've moved on from how she did it, but she still finds it hard to talk to me... so I've experienced both sides of the friendship coin... in a way

 

[Alenci]

Not exactly friends first... though I wish we could have been. I recognized that he liked me a few weeks after meeting him and I flirted with the idea of indulging his attention for a few more weeks while stalling to get to know him better. I was disappointed that he asked me to go on a date less than two months after meeting him, but I didn't want to lose out on my opportunity, since I had formed positive impressions up to that point. I wavered for a day or so longer and gathered opinions from friends and family- but ultimately I was persuaded after a conversation with him prompted by a little voice in my head telling me to talk to him. After that we hung out a lot and informally dated until we started going out six months (coincidentally to the day) after meeting. It was never truly a platonic friendship... but I think it still worked out well. We took things slowly (and still do).