Friend Problems

[Living4Him03]

Hey all,
Well, I am not going to get to see my boyfriend sat. so my friend L. wants me to hang out with her...which I don't mind at all BUT there's a catch! She has also invited a bunch of other people. Well, I am an introvert and don't really like being forced to mingle with people I don't know, especially the kind of people she hangs out with. As much as I care about her that is something that really bothers me. She hangs out with people who are just not a good influence on her or me! I would really rather spend Valentines talking on the phone some to my b/f and relaxing. I already told her I would go if I didn't end up getting to see my b/f. So far it looks like I"m not going to get to see him, but I still don't want to go to whatever she has planned. I absolutely dread it! When I've gone places with her and these friends before (which she picks up from random places like bars and clubs, etc.) it has ended up being crappy. She will like some guy, get upset with him, and insist that we leave or that we get revenge or whatever. I am just not into being childish like that. Is there any way I can get out of going without lying, but also without telling her that I really dont want to go?

 

[William Nunn]

NO,NO,NO.

There are going to be some people who will give you a bunch of little antecdotes or ways to get out of going without being honest, but it's not a good idea to do it that way.

Tell your friend that you don't want to go, because you don't want to be around the other people and you want to relax, be alone, and talk on the phone. Sure, she may be a little upset at first, but if she's your friend she will understand. On the other hand, you COULD tell her a little white lie to get out of it, but what if she finds out it's a lie? Then you may very well have lost a friend for good. Be honest, it always works out for the best.

 

[fishstix]

Yeah, if you really want to get out of it, you're going to have to tell her the truth. In the future; don't promise to do stuff that you don't actually want to do

 

[Living4Him03]

it just sucks cuz i didnt really promise...I said that if I didn't have a date w/my b/f I would possibly go but she assumes that i'm going anyway and today she was saying that she can't find enough people to go with us...US as if I am going too automatically! She's a good friend, but is just a bit pushy at times and expects me to be extroverted when she knows that is just not me. *sigh* I am hoping and praying it snows really hard here sat. hehe that way maybe the weather will be too bad to get out. and i do love snow heheheh. Of course, in Texas, it is unlikely it will stick ...

 

[Saxman]

I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately extroverts don't often appreciate that if we don't want to do something with them it is nothing personal just that we don't like rowdy social gatherings.

Unfortunately your friend will see through any white lies you try and tell, and from experience I know that they only tend to get you into a tangled web of bigger and bigger lies to cover up the first tiny lie.

My advice would be to either tell your friend the truth that you are not really comfortable with a lot of her friends and do not feel like going out saturday and would rather spend it at home talking to your boyfriend.

Or keep a stiff upper lip and go along with your friends and expect to enjoy yourself and make the best of it. I went to a do on New yEars eve against my wishes with a lot of rowdy people who drank a lot, but I did not join in with the drinking while not being rude and I think they respected me for it and were nice and friendly.

 

[Living4Him03]

THe whole "grin and bear it" notion is really not a good idea. I have done that before, and it usually, more often than not, ruins the time my friend has because she realizes I don't want to be there and it upsets her. She gets mad and starts telling me I need to be more outgoing and need to talk to guys more (even when I have a b/f) and etc. I don't like to be the person who "ruins" everyone's fun. It's better to just not go if you know you are really not going to have a good time, that's why I do not plan to go along. I've made the best of it before and that usually does nothing...lol. I just do not like spending time with people who make me feel stupid or weird for not wanting to dance on top of tables, drink to my hearts content, and go around kissing ANYONE in sight ...yes this includes both guys and girls. I cannot tolerate an environment like that and I refuse to. That's why I'm not going whether she decides to hate me or not. If she's my friend then she needs to quit trying to make me more like her.

 

[smash_kate]

I don't get it.

 

[katelyn]

Just be honest...let her know that it's not her, it's just you aren't up for the type of night she is planning. Maybe suggest something you could do at another time, just the two of you, so she will realize that you do like spending time with her.