Fornication and new faith

[Mochi]

Recently I decided to buy a bible. I didn't know why, I was actually on a path to neo-paganism and planning to have my self initiation ritual around this time. My thought process was that it would be good to understand Christianity so I could debate a Christian and know my bible, and understand why the heck anyone would be a Christian in this day and age.
Against the will of my selfish flesh (and it sure isn't liking this change) I am now starting to receive a new heart. I'm more broken than I've ever been, and I'm starting to not want sex, drugs, and alcohol to give me entertainment and happiness, and rather I'm wanting to learn more about Christianity and ask questions. It's really. Really . weird.

Now if this isn't enough of a struggle, I have a live in boyfriend who I've been with for 4 years. Ive been starting to detach from him, and really don't look forward to going home in the evenings because I know he will ask for sex, which has been usual (and positive)for our relationship up to now. I love him a lot, but want him to stop acting like a boy (playing video games, relying on me to plan things for us, getting sex whenever he wants it) and man up and make a commitment to me. I want meaning in our relationship, but I have no way to communicate my spiritual changes and moral standards to him. He grew up with an Athiest and a new age spiritualist as parents, is atheistic/agnostic, and generally surrounds himself with those who hate Christians. He is not a bad guy in any case, but a product of today's culture, as am I.

So a few questions...
How do I break the ice about my faith? (I was thinking of taking him to my church and then opening up a dialogue from there)
How do I treat him?
What should I do about this issue?

 

[ohhcuppycakee]

If this is so important to you, I think you should definitely tell him.

 

[razeontherock]

Recently I decided to buy a bible. I didn't know why, I was actually on a path to neo-paganism and planning to have my self initiation ritual around this time. My thought process was that it would be good to understand Christianity so I could debate a Christian and know my bible, and understand why the heck anyone would be a Christian in this day and age.
Against the will of my selfish flesh (and it sure isn't liking this change) I am now starting to receive a new heart. I'm more broken than I've ever been, and I'm starting to not want sex, drugs, and alcohol to give me entertainment and happiness, and rather I'm wanting to learn more about Christianity and ask questions. It's really. Really . weird.

Hi, welcome to CF, and WOW! I mean really, this is SO refreshing to me to come to this part of CF, and find a post like this! Usually I do battle with scoffers and those that claim it's all just a book or in my head, and the only response I have is ... what you already know.

And yes, you do know! The risen Jesus is IN you. No, I can't explain it either

So I got born again at 16. Never found a Church until age 20. Was married at 22. To the wrong woman. For the wrong reasons. While trying to do the right thing!

Yeah, this is a tough issue, and for many THE toughest issue in the Christian life. Good on you for being honest about it!

Want a guy's perspective? You've begun "detaching" from him. He's noticed. He may not yet be aware that he's noticed, and you'll want to be on the look-out for some sign from him that he's aware of this change. Guaranteed it will be because he doesn't like it.

This is where you have to be strong! At the right time, and yes timing is EVERYTHING, you clarify the issue, that something indeed HAS changed, no he's not crazy, and you want him to know exactly what it is. You make sure he knows it's not about him. I mean really, it's not, is it? This one point may take some time for him to accept. Hopefully not weeks, but don't expect it to be a single sentence.

By the time he's actually ready to hear what you have to say, you are going to need to be fairly well-versed in your Faith, which, being honest, you just can't possibly be, right? So you need to be busy! I suggest start reading John's Gospel, and from there just read straight through to the end of the book. (And by that I mean the whole New Testament) Don't even pause for comprehension, just get it "in there." The Lord in you can make sense out of it all later, and bring to your mind what you need, as well as put the words in your mouth that are necessary. But ONLY if you've put His words in your mind, and heart!

I strongly suggest having this talk before you mention Church, much less invite him to it. I hope I don't come across as being sneaky, conniving or manipulative. Look at this verse:

"Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (1 Peter 3:2) While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear."

This is where I just put you. Yeah I know you're not married, but you're living like you are. Biblical advice to a wife absolutely has your name on it! To that I will add you both have the freedom to; have him change to a "real" Christian, or let him decide he wants no part of it, or you.

Are you willing to do that, if it comes down to that? Pretty heavy question for me to ask, considering this is my first post to you

 

[Mochi]

Thank you so much for your help Razeontherock!!
And I do have to agree with you that this is a very tough issue... I'm currently making my way through the first testament, and talking to my S.O. about what I like about it. I'm going to have to open up soon about being a CHristian, and I hope he doesn't find it as a huge surprise.

Yesterday I made a change in how I was acting. I need to be a Godly woman who is loving and truly happy in the lord. I'm trying not to distance myself from him, because that'll just cause strife in our relationship. However, in order to keep from fornicating I am reading the bible every night before bed. He seems to not want to have sex if I'm talking about the bible and really engrossed in it.

I have to be honest though, that I'm not ready to have my faith come in between us. I love him so much, but at the same time...I don't want to live a fake and unhappy life.

I'll keep the thread updated with my progress. I'm really very thankful for the help and encouragement I have received thusfar!

THanks!

 

[razeontherock]

I'm currently making my way through the first testament, and talking to my S.O. about what I like about it. I'm going to have to open up soon about being a CHristian, and I hope he doesn't find it as a huge surprise.

Well if you're talking to him about the Bible, I think he might get the hint. If you're doing this naturally, out of joy and just wanting to share something good, that is abut THE best way of doing so. With anyone.

What is his reaction so far?

Yesterday I made a change in how I was acting. I need to be a Godly woman who is loving and truly happy in the lord. I'm trying not to distance myself from him, because that'll just cause strife in our relationship. However, in order to keep from fornicating I am reading the bible every night before bed. He seems to not want to have sex if I'm talking about the bible and really engrossed in it.

There's about a zillion verses that could be thought of as being fulfilled by your actions here I'm not so sure that's a correct interpretation of most of them, but that is how different people come to different understandings of the same Scriptures. You need to be braced for that, and recognize it's perfectly normal. And healthy, when it's based on experience.

At the same time if he perceives that reading the Bible = lack of sex for anything approaching long-term or even just a consistent pattern, that's a sure-fire way to turn him against the Bible entirely. So yeah, you will need to spill the beans soon, but you already know that. By the way, what you're experiencing is called "conviction of the Holy Ghost," in the Bible. So when you read it, you'll know it's true, and have some insight into what it's saying. What it's saying will also give you insight into how to follow the Lord through times when you're being convicted by the Holy Ghost

I have to be honest though, that I'm not ready to have my faith come in between us. I love him so much, but at the same time...I don't want to live a fake and unhappy life.

This will be a BIG decision, and it's not thrust upon you just yet. You will come across passages that specifically address mis-matched couples of believers with un-believers, and please do not gloss those over. Rather, consider what those say to be as true as parts you've already seen come alive in you. If you really love him, you'll want him to know the Lord for his own Salvation, and not just so you can share it with him. Although that would of course be wonderful as well!

Key things to pray for: that the Lord draw him, (drawing power of the Holy Ghost) that Jesus be lifted up in his eyes, that the Lord prepare his heart, speak to him while he sleeps, opens his ears to hear, lots of great things in the Psalms but one in particular, prayed by King David of course:

"why you said to me to seek thy face, thy face did I seek."

See how that's a two-part operation? It's not enough for the Lord to cause us to seek His face, (which you can ask Him to do for your SO) but he needs to actually do so. There's an old saying, "get on your knees and fight like a man." Or in this case, like a real woman. Life is short, pray hard! You'll get to key Scriptures about prayer, but I will tell you now that things along these lines, for him to receive the Lord, are perfectly in His will, so don't hold back! Life will be much easier if he joins you in this, but I'm sure you know that already.

I'll keep the thread updated with my progress. I'm really very thankful for the help and encouragement I have received thusfar!

THanks!

You're very welcome, Sister. How exciting! Praying and reading before bed and upon waking up, is VERY powerful, and VERY Scriptural

 

[drich0150]

How do I break the ice about my faith? (I was thinking of taking him to my church and then opening up a dialog from there)

You could leave your new bible out on the coffee table or counter top open to a highlighted passage.. john 3:16 or Acts 2:28 or something along those lines, and see if He says anything. Do this for a week and if nothing from him then have him see you read and study for a while if he says nothing still, then talk to him. (take your time and be patient.)

How do I treat him?

Like you have been. there will come a point that you might have to choose. It will depends on him.

What should I do about this issue?

Just go one day at a time.

 

[joey_downunder]

Hi Mochi, my story with my husband is pretty similar to yours minus the exploring other religions part. With me I had left Christianity in practice, lived like an atheist for several years and lived with my fiancee as well. Only 6 weeks before I was about to be married I suddenly repented and did a 180 degree turn.

I had some christian acquaintances tell me I should break up with him because he was an atheist and I just couldn't. I have now been married for 16 years to this very stable and loving atheist man so I know "good atheist" is not always an oxymoron!

However I am not pretending it is easy. It is very challenging at times when I know I see the world and life in a completely opposite way to my husband because I want to please God and therefore I don't approve or agree with what my husband says or does. It upsets me when he rolls his eyes or pulls silly faces whenever religion or Christianity is mentioned by anyone, whether in person or on TV. I have to live with these two passages in the back of my mind. 1 peter 3:1-6, 1 Corinthians 7:12-16

 

[dayhiker]

Mochi,
Sometimes guys accept the Lord when a woman in their life tells them about what Christ has done in their life. But that's only ocasionally. I pray he does accept Jesus.

 

[Faulty]

Recently I decided to buy a bible. I didn't know why, I was actually on a path to neo-paganism and planning to have my self initiation ritual around this time. My thought process was that it would be good to understand Christianity so I could debate a Christian and know my bible, and understand why the heck anyone would be a Christian in this day and age.
Against the will of my selfish flesh (and it sure isn't liking this change) I am now starting to receive a new heart. I'm more broken than I've ever been, and I'm starting to not want sex, drugs, and alcohol to give me entertainment and happiness, and rather I'm wanting to learn more about Christianity and ask questions. It's really. Really . weird.

First things first. Do you trust is the work Jesus did for you, taking on your sin on the cross and taking the wrath of the Father on Himself, for your behalf? Believe that He died and rose again by the power of God, and in Him only is the forgivness of your sins and reconciliation to God? And this being found in Him alone, and not by your own merits, which He freely gives to any who asks?

 

[underheaven]

Recently I decided to buy a bible. I didn't know why, I was actually on a path to neo-paganism and planning to have my self initiation ritual around this time. My thought process was that it would be good to understand Christianity so I could debate a Christian and know my bible, and understand why the heck anyone would be a Christian in this day and age.
Against the will of my selfish flesh (and it sure isn't liking this change) I am now starting to receive a new heart. I'm more broken than I've ever been, and I'm starting to not want sex, drugs, and alcohol to give me entertainment and happiness, and rather I'm wanting to learn more about Christianity and ask questions. It's really. Really . weird.

Now if this isn't enough of a struggle, I have a live in boyfriend who I've been with for 4 years. Ive been starting to detach from him, and really don't look forward to going home in the evenings because I know he will ask for sex, which has been usual (and positive)for our relationship up to now. I love him a lot, but want him to stop acting like a boy (playing video games, relying on me to plan things for us, getting sex whenever he wants it) and man up and make a commitment to me. I want meaning in our relationship, but I have no way to communicate my spiritual changes and moral standards to him. He grew up with an Athiest and a new age spiritualist as parents, is atheistic/agnostic, and generally surrounds himself with those who hate Christians. He is not a bad guy in any case, but a product of today's culture, as am I.

So a few questions...
How do I break the ice about my faith? (I was thinking of taking him to my church and then opening up a dialogue from there)
How do I treat him?
What should I do about this issue?

A very interesting situation. Is there not one, or two friends from the church that you could invite round,and then just say these are my new friends,and say where you met them and why ? Keep it gentle and enquiring at first, as in letting him have room to ask questions ,rather then be lectured to .I have learned that when breaking 'news', which could be difficult ,it is good to have back up . And Good luck ,and God bless.
I have to add that many who say they are atheists are not really ,they are just against christians,and I don't blame them ,often. I have just finished reading a website called Catholic Arrogance.org,which most of all deals with the Christians of Germany and how thay played their part in the Nazi Regime. Before Protestants start getting 'prideful, it is as well to remember that 66% of Germans adhered to protestantism,especially Lutherism. Much of the so called atheism is a reaction to the hypocrisy of so called Christians,and to their lack of study,and truth searching.