Forms of SI other than cutting? *Trigger*?

[heidi140]

I guess it's never really occurred to me that I might be doing SI at all. I've always avoided cuts, but have been drawn at times to hurting myself in other ways. It's usually out of anger I think - or sometimes just not wanting to care about anything, including myself. There have been times when I've hit things just to feel the pain or cause a bruise. It's very controlled and not done around anyone, and I never really questioned it. It's not all the time or anything. I also tend to get involved in activities in which I end up feeling physical pain....and there's something about feeling the pain that seems very therapeutic to me. Even today I'm going in for an appointment that is going to be very painful physically and I'm actually looking forward to it in a way because I've felt so sad and empty over the last few days. But I've never cut myself, which confuses me now. Do I have an issue with SI, or nothing to really concern myself about? Sorry if this doesn't make much of any sense.

 

[Criada]

Makes perfect sense, sweetie... and SI doesn't always involve cutting.
I have never cut ... but I have hurt myself in other ways, and for the same reasons.
Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

 

[Soulwings]

Criada is right - you don't have to cut to SI.

I have bruised and done other things (the specifics of which I will not mention) that qualify as SI but not cutting. However, I am also a cutter, so there's that.

I, too, look forward to activities that will cause physical pain. For example, I take a yoga class on Monday nights, and without practicing during the week, go straight into the "advanced" poses. I'm hurting right now because of it, and though I whinge about it some (since it hurts to move at all) it isn't altogether disliked.

Anyway. I hope that that wasn't too explicit. Sorry if it were. Just wanted to let you know that I understand.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

((hug))

Im sorry you're going through this sweetie. Yes, it sounds like that your forms of inflicting pain to yourself are SI. Not all SI is done by cutting, as previously stated. My PM box is always open.

 

[bubblefish]

You don't have to cut to SI. Cutting is the most commonly known but there are many others, some which are mentioned here.

Myself, I have never really struggled badly with cutting but have struggled with hurting myself in other ways, similar to what it seems you are doing (bruising etc), and do see it as a form of SI. It still injured my body and gave the same 'feelings' as cutting did.


As Sarah said, is there someone you can talk to about it?

 

[heidi140]

Thanks so much for the replies and thoughts

Fortunately, I think that most of the time when I feel like hurting myself, there's too many people around and I just don't have the opportunity. The times when I do hurt myself, I know it's wrong, but it takes away some of the pain or anger.

I did start counseling a couple months ago, and I have a very good counselor that I'm meeting with. I don't know how to bring it up, but I'll work on talking about it with him.

Thank you again.

 

[Criada]

I'm glad you have a counsellor you can talk to. I don't know whether it helps you, but, often I find writing easier than actually saying something... maybe you could write a letter and give it to your counsellor...
Praying for you, sweetie

 

[TheMainException]

If you're seeking pain ONLY to feel the pain AND you're saying that you feel empty and sad while wanting the pain, then you are SI'ing and you DO need to seek some help. It's those who say "everything is under control, it's okay," that need to understand that it can easily get out of control and it might be okay for now, but it won't be after a while (a long while, or a short while, doesn't matter which). It IS SI and you DO need help.

 

[heidi140]

Thanks for the suggestions.....I think writing is a good idea for it. Writing is always something that has helped me to cope, when I can get motivated to start. Writing something for my counselor to read would probably make it a lot easier. I think I'm afraid that my counselor doesn't realize I'm as messed up as I know I am. But if I'm really going to let him help me, I know I need to be honest and allow him to see everything. Thanks again for the help....it's so nice to have people who understand the feelings.

 

[musikismylife]

Yes, I think you have a problem with SI. It's a common misconception that the only form of SI is cutting. It's not. This is harming you. You need to talk to someone about it! It's not just going to go away.