Forgivness

[oneandlonely]

I posted this in my journal a few days ago. But after thinking about it I thought I would post here... I'll just take the really personal stuff out. I'm really scared to post this because family has told me not to talk about it

I'm so confused...

As Christians we are supposed to love everyone right? even the ones that have hurt us...?

so does that mean I have to love him? do I?

I'm really struggling tonight. I can't get things to stop playing. I just want to curl up and cry. I want to be held. I want hugs so badly. I want to be held and kept safe.

Right now with the crap going through my head I feel like hunting him down and hurting him. I feel really really bad for thinking that or saying that too. But I want to hurt him for what he did.

I feel so angry and upset right now. I feel like banging my head on the wall. Or taking my pillow and smacking it against the wall till it bursts. or punching my pillow over and over.

I've worked so hard not to be angry about what he did. I don't want to be angry. I don't feel like I should be, or have the right to be. And I feel like I can't be. I've worked so hard to try to forgive him. To not want revenge. I'm supposed to love him right?

*cries*

But I can't. I can't forgive him. and I feel really, really, really bad that I can't. I feel really bad that I'm angry. I'm sooooo angry too. I hate this. I hate that I never told and he will never get in trouble for what he did.
I feel like I am being a horrible christian because I'm so angry and because I don't want to love or forgive him.

Do I have to love him? do I have to forgive him?

*cries* I'm so upset right now. and so confused.

I'm sorry for posting this

Bethany

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Don't feel bad. It may take you years to even begin to be in a place where you can finally let go of this.
The fact that this bothers you so much I think is incredible. Take it easy on yourself.
It's ok to be angry. Anger is a part of being human. You have to deal with it first before you can move on. I wish you could get some help working this stuff out.
You are a precious girl and you have a sweet, beautiful heart. You're not a terrible person because you can't just let it all go.

 

[Mela'h]

God does not expect you to just magically forgive someone who has hurt you so deeply, someone who has no regard for you as a person. Nor does he expect you to have a relationship with someone who would hurt you physically or emotionally. Sweety, you are doing what most victims of abuse do - turning all the hurt and anger on yourself and taking the responsibility for what happened to you.

You will get to the place of forgiveness Bethany. You will get there because it is something that God requires us to do and anything that he requires us to do, he will help us do it. Right now, you need to be safe. Please reach out to someone who can help you through this. It is not your fault, you did not deserve what happened to you.

I believe that the reason God asks us to forgive is for our own benefit. And I also believe that too many people confuse forgiveness with reconcilliation. What has helped me, is to understand that forgiveness is between me and God and reconcilliation needs 2 people coming together to work things out. God does not expect you to have a relationship with your abuser in any way, shape or form. But he will walk with you through the forgiveness process and he will bring healing into your life.

Praying to Abba for peace, protection, healing, and his presence to surround you

 

[the_box_of_giggles]

Hye babe,

This punk voilated you. You have the right to be angry. It might have been years ago ,but that don't mean you can't be angery.

_ giggles- i love you, and i'm concatly praying for you

 

[the_box_of_giggles]

The punk voilated you. You can be angry. I love you and am praying for you constantly.

 

[oneandlonely]

Don't feel bad. It may take you years to even begin to be in a place where you can finally let go of this.
The fact that this bothers you so much I think is incredible. Take it easy on yourself.
It's ok to be angry. Anger is a part of being human. You have to deal with it first before you can move on. I wish you could get some help working this stuff out.
You are a precious girl and you have a sweet, beautiful heart. You're not a terrible person because you can't just let it all go.

I wish i could get help to. I'm going to be ok tho right? Thanks bro *hugs*.

God does not expect you to just magically forgive someone who has hurt you so deeply, someone who has no regard for you as a person. Nor does he expect you to have a relationship with someone who would hurt you physically or emotionally. Sweety, you are doing what most victims of abuse do - turning all the hurt and anger on yourself and taking the responsibility for what happened to you.

You will get to the place of forgiveness Bethany. You will get there because it is something that God requires us to do and anything that he requires us to do, he will help us do it. Right now, you need to be safe. Please reach out to someone who can help you through this. It is not your fault, you did not deserve what happened to you.

I believe that the reason God asks us to forgive is for our own benefit. And I also believe that too many people confuse forgiveness with reconcilliation. What has helped me, is to understand that forgiveness is between me and God and reconcilliation needs 2 people coming together to work things out. God does not expect you to have a relationship with your abuser in any way, shape or form. But he will walk with you through the forgiveness process and he will bring healing into your life.

Praying to Abba for peace, protection, healing, and his presence to surround you

wow, haven't really thought of some of tthat stuff. thanks.

I can't really talk to anyone here about it. i'm really not allowed to talk about it. . mom and dad have told me not to talk about it. I think they are still trying to protect "him".

Allie (the_box_of_giggles), thanks *hugs*

Thanks everyone