- Dec 26, 2016
- 192
- 263
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
My first marriage many years ago was an abusive one. The relationship was brief, thankfully, and I rarely think about what I experienced at his hands. One memory, however, troubles me from time to time...
We lived in a house that had been made into four apartments, two downstairs, two upstairs. This particular night, the yelling, hitting, and kicking went into the wee hours of the morning until he finally fell asleep. I don’t remember if I slept at all. When he woke up a few hours later, he took my car and went to the store, leaving me a few minutes to escape. I didn’t have a phone, so I ran to my upstairs neighbor to call someone to come and get me. She wouldn’t let me in. I knocked and knocked…and begged.
She later told a mutual friend she was afraid to let me in, even though she knew he was gone. She had heard everything the night before, every person in that quad-plexed house heard it. No one called the police.
When I find myself thinking about that night, I find the one I haven’t forgiven is the girl upstairs. Not my tormentor. Her. I’ve had to forgive her many times over the years.
Then there are times like my morning drive to work, when I realize that I just wasted precious God time dwelling on bad experiences. Not too long ago, I got caught up thinking about my first-grade teacher, who made my introduction to school a nightmare. Though she died years ago, she is another person I’ve had to forgive many times over the years. These days, I really don't know if I'm just remembering, or still harboring resentment; either way, when these moments happen, I ask God to forgive me, and I say "I forgive you, (whoever I'm thinking about)."
Other people have treated me worse than these two women, and I can’t explain why these two experiences still rear their ugly heads these many years later while other bad memories never bother me. Just as people have offended me, I am certain that I’ve offended others. And just as my two antagonists never thought of me again after our brief encounters, I’m sure I don't remember every person I’ve hurt.
If you don’t forget, does it mean you haven’t forgiven?
I believe it is in the way we treat the person who hurt us,
like we’ve forgotten what they did to us…
We lived in a house that had been made into four apartments, two downstairs, two upstairs. This particular night, the yelling, hitting, and kicking went into the wee hours of the morning until he finally fell asleep. I don’t remember if I slept at all. When he woke up a few hours later, he took my car and went to the store, leaving me a few minutes to escape. I didn’t have a phone, so I ran to my upstairs neighbor to call someone to come and get me. She wouldn’t let me in. I knocked and knocked…and begged.
She later told a mutual friend she was afraid to let me in, even though she knew he was gone. She had heard everything the night before, every person in that quad-plexed house heard it. No one called the police.
When I find myself thinking about that night, I find the one I haven’t forgiven is the girl upstairs. Not my tormentor. Her. I’ve had to forgive her many times over the years.
In case you didn’t know it already,
unforgiveness is a sneaky evil.
And it stops up from moving forward.
unforgiveness is a sneaky evil.
And it stops up from moving forward.
Then there are times like my morning drive to work, when I realize that I just wasted precious God time dwelling on bad experiences. Not too long ago, I got caught up thinking about my first-grade teacher, who made my introduction to school a nightmare. Though she died years ago, she is another person I’ve had to forgive many times over the years. These days, I really don't know if I'm just remembering, or still harboring resentment; either way, when these moments happen, I ask God to forgive me, and I say "I forgive you, (whoever I'm thinking about)."
Other people have treated me worse than these two women, and I can’t explain why these two experiences still rear their ugly heads these many years later while other bad memories never bother me. Just as people have offended me, I am certain that I’ve offended others. And just as my two antagonists never thought of me again after our brief encounters, I’m sure I don't remember every person I’ve hurt.
If you don’t forget, does it mean you haven’t forgiven?
I believe it is in the way we treat the person who hurt us,
like we’ve forgotten what they did to us…