Forgiving My Past

[AmusingMargaret]

My first marriage many years ago was an abusive one. The relationship was brief, thankfully, and I rarely think about what I experienced at his hands. One memory, however, troubles me from time to time...

We lived in a house that had been made into four apartments, two downstairs, two upstairs. This particular night, the yelling, hitting, and kicking went into the wee hours of the morning until he finally fell asleep. I don’t remember if I slept at all. When he woke up a few hours later, he took my car and went to the store, leaving me a few minutes to escape. I didn’t have a phone, so I ran to my upstairs neighbor to call someone to come and get me. She wouldn’t let me in. I knocked and knocked…and begged.

She later told a mutual friend she was afraid to let me in, even though she knew he was gone. She had heard everything the night before, every person in that quad-plexed house heard it. No one called the police.

When I find myself thinking about that night, I find the one I haven’t forgiven is the girl upstairs. Not my tormentor. Her. I’ve had to forgive her many times over the years.

In case you didn’t know it already,
unforgiveness is a sneaky evil.
And it stops up from moving forward. ​

Then there are times like my morning drive to work, when I realize that I just wasted precious God time dwelling on bad experiences. Not too long ago, I got caught up thinking about my first-grade teacher, who made my introduction to school a nightmare. Though she died years ago, she is another person I’ve had to forgive many times over the years. These days, I really don't know if I'm just remembering, or still harboring resentment; either way, when these moments happen, I ask God to forgive me, and I say "I forgive you, (whoever I'm thinking about)."

Other people have treated me worse than these two women, and I can’t explain why these two experiences still rear their ugly heads these many years later while other bad memories never bother me. Just as people have offended me, I am certain that I’ve offended others. And just as my two antagonists never thought of me again after our brief encounters, I’m sure I don't remember every person I’ve hurt.

If you don’t forget, does it mean you haven’t forgiven?
I believe it is in the way we treat the person who hurt us,
like we’ve forgotten what they did to us…

 

[Doug Melven]

You are definitely on the right path.
Forgiveness isn't a one-time thing, it is a process.
Especially when we have been hurt deeply.

 

[John Bowen]

What therapists do and you can do this yourself at home.Find a quiet place and go into the drama relive it.You can imagine Jesus or Mother Mary holding your hand and walking with you .See what happened as a theater play .See the woman that you were and the pain she felt like you are just observing it like a theater performance and know it isn't real that time has moved on and those events no longer defines you .See the woman that hurt you as a character and your ex as that too just a character you can dissolve them in your mind as they were just water and then get out a mop and wipe them up.You see that woman you were is still trapped in that drama you can free her by going into this excersise from time to time to heal that pain.The pain can never again be as bad as when you first experienced it.That's God gift of time.

 

[AmusingMargaret]

What therapists do and you can do this yourself at home.Find a quiet place and go into the drama relive it.You can imagine Jesus or Mother Mary holding your hand and walking with you .See what happened as a theater play .See the woman that you were and the pain she felt like you are just observing it like a theater performance and know it isn't real that time has moved on and those events no longer defines you .See the woman that hurt you as a character and your ex as that too just a character you can dissolve them in your mind as they were just water and then get out a mop and wipe them up.You see that woman you were is still trapped in that drama you can free her by going into this excersise from time to time to heal that pain.The pain can never again be as bad as when you first experienced it.That's God gift of time.

Thank you for your good advice. I did this in counseling...I really don't think I harbor unforgiveness...just that every now and then it crosses my mind, and I want to tell her a thing or two. I catch myself, "re-forgive," and move on. The main point of the post is no matter how deeply we forgive, there will be times you'll remember. And maybe that's not really unforgiveness...I can't find in the Bible "forgive and forget." God gave us a memory, I'm not real sure we are able to turn it off for certain people.

 

[Doug Melven]

.I can't find in the Bible "forgive and forget." God gave us a memory, I'm not real sure we are able to turn it off for certain people.

God says He forgives our sins and remembers them no more. Hebrews 8
We may not be able to forget (remember no more) the things that were done to us, but we can come to a place where we can remember without pain.

 

[Shempster]

We have all had regrets and bad times in our past.
They key to healing is to realize that the past does not exist. For that matter, the future doesn't exist either. The past might be remembered and some of it may affect us today, like a felony conviction that follows you wherever you go, but for the most part we can resolve the past with forgiveness towards offenders and love for them in the present.

The only thing that actually exists is the present....this moment. And we can be free from all guilt and condemnation if we simply live and love right now....in this moment.
It's hard sometimes, but we have to realize that we need not be chained down to the past because it is gone.

BlessUp, friend!