Forgiveness

[Introverted1293]

I have heard people say that they forgive their ex-friend who has wronged them, but they could never be friends again. I have this kind of attitude as well sometimes. I can let things, but it doesn't mean I want to ever be friends with some people ever again. It's not out of hate, but it is more out of protection for myself.

For example, you may have a friend who you invite over, and when you're asleep or something he steels from you. You may decide to not press charges or may not even call the cops, but it may forever destroy your relationship with him forever. But that does not mean you don't forgive your friend. You just can't trust him or her ever again.

I hear people say, I can forgive him, but we can never be friends again. The reason is because the trust is no longer there. But what about family who has violated and/or has hurt you repeatedly? Yes, we are to forgive. But forgiveness does not mean we have to continue to have that relationship that may be toxic to you, right?

How do you see forgiveness?

People say that this is not true forgiveness. But leaving a friendship due to hurt and pain does not mean you don't forgive, you are just trying to prevent further pain.

 

[friend of]

How do you see forgiveness?

We forgive because HE first forgave us. Period. Matthew 18:21-35

 

[Introverted1293]

We forgive because HE first forgave us. Period. Matthew 18:21-35

I agree. But forgiveness doesn't mean we have to continue on with the friendship if someone hurts us, right? It just means we don't try to get revenge.

 

[friend of]

You don't have to be friends with someone who hurts you. I agree, my friend.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Once trust is gone, it's gone forever.

 

[zephcom]

I have heard people say that they forgive their ex-friend who has wronged them, but they could never be friends again. I have this kind of attitude as well sometimes. I can let things, but it doesn't mean I want to ever be friends with some people ever again. It's not out of hate, but it is more out of protection for myself.

For example, you may have a friend who you invite over, and when you're asleep or something he steels from you. You may decide to not press charges or may not even call the cops, but it may forever destroy your relationship with him forever. But that does not mean you don't forgive your friend. You just can't trust him or her ever again.

I hear people say, I can forgive him, but we can never be friends again. The reason is because the trust is no longer there. But what about family who has violated and/or has hurt you repeatedly? Yes, we are to forgive. But forgiveness does not mean we have to continue to have that relationship that may be toxic to you, right?

How do you see forgiveness?

People say that this is not true forgiveness. But leaving a friendship due to hurt and pain does not mean you don't forgive, you are just trying to prevent further pain.

My view of forgiveness is a bit different than most people's. I view forgiveness as something people should do because it is spiritually good for the person doing the forgiving.

When someone does something to you that would qualify for needing to forgive them, they create a bond between you and them which gives them form of power over you. They can make you dwell on them, stress over what they did to you, even cause you to contemplate revenge.

Forgiveness cuts that bond. It is the only way to truly rid yourself of them. When you forgive them, the power they hold over you goes away.

To be sure, forgiving someone does not mean they no longer have the burden of what they did to you. There are still consequences that belong to them which you don't have the power to rid them of.

One of those consequences may well be that they no longer have the pleasure of being your friend. It may mean that you will still testify against them in court but not out of malice.

Forgiving only means they no longer hold a power that connects them to you. Forgiving people makes you a better person. It has no effect on the person being forgiven.

That is the way I view it.

 

[Introverted1293]

My view of forgiveness is a bit different than most people's. I view forgiveness as something people should do because it is spiritually good for the person doing the forgiving.

When someone does something to you that would qualify for needing to forgive them, they create a bond between you and them which gives them form of power over you. They can make you dwell on them, stress over what they did to you, even cause you to contemplate revenge.

Forgiveness cuts that bond. It is the only way to truly rid yourself of them. When you forgive them, the power they hold over you goes away.

To be sure, forgiving someone does not mean they no longer have the burden of what they did to you. There are still consequences that belong to them which you don't have the power to rid them of.

One of those consequences may well be that they no longer have the pleasure of being your friend. It may mean that you will still testify against them in court but not out of malice.

Forgiving only means they no longer hold a power that connects them to you. Forgiving people makes you a better person. It has no effect on the person being forgiven.

That is the way I view it.

Thank you

I do agree.

 

[Ken-1122]

I have heard people say that they forgive their ex-friend who has wronged them, but they could never be friends again. I have this kind of attitude as well sometimes. I can let things, but it doesn't mean I want to ever be friends with some people ever again. It's not out of hate, but it is more out of protection for myself.

For example, you may have a friend who you invite over, and when you're asleep or something he steels from you. You may decide to not press charges or may not even call the cops, but it may forever destroy your relationship with him forever. But that does not mean you don't forgive your friend. You just can't trust him or her ever again.

I hear people say, I can forgive him, but we can never be friends again. The reason is because the trust is no longer there. But what about family who has violated and/or has hurt you repeatedly? Yes, we are to forgive. But forgiveness does not mean we have to continue to have that relationship that may be toxic to you, right?

How do you see forgiveness?

People say that this is not true forgiveness. But leaving a friendship due to hurt and pain does not mean you don't forgive, you are just trying to prevent further pain.

If you trust your friend with your child, and they molest your child; it would be wrong on your part to forgive them and allow them to continue to be around your child again. I don't believe all acts should be forgiven. If the relationship isn't repaired, what's the point of calling it forgiveness?

 

[Ken-1122]

When someone does something to you that would qualify for needing to forgive them, they create a bond between you and them which gives them form of power over you. They can make you dwell on them, stress over what they did to you, even cause you to contemplate revenge.

Forgiveness cuts that bond. It is the only way to truly rid yourself of them. When you forgive them, the power they hold over you goes away.

Just because a you haven't forgiven a person doesn't mean you have to dwell on what they did against you. IMO to release yourself from the hatred against someone who wronged you (assuming you do have hatred against this person) is not forgiveness, forgiveness is about the other person; not you.

 

[zephcom]

Just because a you haven't forgiven a person doesn't mean you have to dwell on what they did against you. IMO to release yourself from the hatred against someone who wronged you (assuming you do have hatred against this person) is not forgiveness, forgiveness is about the other person; not you.

Okay, describe to me just -how- forgiving someone affects them.

For sake of this exercise, let's assume you don't tell them or anyone else you have forgiven them. That will eliminate any effects of something else occurring outside of the simple act of forgiving.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Forgiving the person who robbed my house doesn't mean I have to hand him the keys to the front door.

 

[Hazelelponi]

People hurt you sometimes, and sometimes you dont see eye to eye.

You have to make good decisions for your own safety and wellbeing. If someone beats you up you forgive them from a distance. And pray for them.

Holding something against another person is a sin, especially if its a brother or sister in Christ, but it can be anyone. You should never allow bad feelings to fester and grow inside you. If you can talk it out to let go of the hurt, you do that..

But regardless you have to let it go, whether you do that from a distance for your own safety and wellbeing, or whether you talk it out. You have to look at others the way you want God to look at you, and sometimes it takes help from God to do that especially if they hurt you badly.

But distance is fine..

 

[Ken-1122]

Okay, describe to me just -how- forgiving someone affects them.

The relationship is restored.

For sake of this exercise, let's assume you don't tell them or anyone else you have forgiven them. That will eliminate any effects of something else occurring outside of the simple act of forgiving.

I don’t think telling someone you forgive then is a part of forgiveness; as a matter of fact, sometimes it can do more harm than good to tell someone you forgive them because forgiving someone implies you are right and they were wrong and sometimes the person who is the most unreasonable in a fight is the one to offer forgiveness which can be offensive to the other person who believes he is right. Sometimes secretly forgiving someone and working to repair the relationship is more important than trying to prove to the other person you are right, but that you forgive them.

 

[Introverted1293]

The relationship is restored.

I don’t think telling someone you forgive then is a part of forgiveness; as a matter of fact, sometimes it can do more harm than good to tell someone you forgive them because forgiving someone implies you are right and they were wrong and sometimes the person who is the most unreasonable in a fight is the one to offer forgiveness which can be offensive to the other person who believes he is right. Sometimes secretly forgiving someone and working to repair the relationship is more important than trying to prove to the other person you are right, but that you forgive them.

I had to learn this the hard way. I did not even realized this until I started a thread about forgiving a certain of people. I had good intentions, but it angered some people on these forums.

 

[Shempster]

Forgiveness is required when someone offends you.
If you are offended, you likely think too highly of yourself.
If you place yourself below others, you will not be offended.
If you are never offended, you won't need to forgive others.

 

[Introverted1293]

Forgiveness is required when someone offends you.
If you are offended, you likely think too highly of yourself.
If you place yourself below others, you will not be offended.
If you are never offended, you won't need to forgive others.

That is very informative.

I never thought about it that way. I guess I kind of do think too highly of myself. I need to work on that.