Forgiveness

[BeccaLynn]

Does anyone else struggle with "getting over" things, like resentfulness and bitterness towards someone? I know it's an issue for anyone to be forgiving, but we know it's something we've been commanded to do. But, do you feel like you still hang onto it and don't really let it go as you're telling God you're doing? Especially when the person keeps doing the same thing that led to the grudge to begin with and all those old angry feelings stir right back up? Is this something that people with OCD struggle with more than others who don't have it? I feel like I can't get over things or let things go like "normal" people do. I know I'm still held accountable for it, OCD or not. The anger seems so intense and often times I just stuff it down inside of me, it seems to go away for a while eventually, and then resurfaces like a rupturing volcano. I don't feel as if I can be truly forgiven by God and I don't ever feel as if I'm truly forgiving of others, I just say I am.

Does anyone else know what I mean?

 

[dabro]

It's not really an issue ppl with OCD struggle with. I really never held a grudge against a person until about a yr ago. And it has been eating me alive cos God commands us to forgive and it was a blow to my walk because I don't know how to deal with it except by saying God knows my heart and would rather want to know that I would forgive then let hate boil over.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Becca,
I can understand the "replaying" of hurtful encounters. When a hurtful things happens to me or to someone I love, I will at first have to talk about it a lot and mull it over a lot. It takes me some time to realize that I'm kind of over analyzing the whole thing just like I over analyze my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I do think people with OCD overthink everything and because we do this it can bring up old hurts and wounds which in turn can make us feel as if we haven't really forgiven the other person. If the feelings come up, even the anger, just tell the Lord that you want to let go of it and that this is the true desire of your heart. He knows how your brain latches onto stuff, especially upsetting stuff. Then pray for the other person, remembering that God would see them happy/ sanctified just as He would you. Then just turn away from it by distracting yourself with something else. If it tries to creep back in, next time just ignore it. If you don't you may find yourself having to pray over and over about the same issue in order to feel "reassured" that you've really forgiven. When we are really truly holding onto a grudge against someone else we actually seem to enjoy our anger... we don't want to let go of it and we pet it. This is a whole lot different than worrying that we haven't really forgiven someone. It's hard though, to turn off your mind. Just understand that the OCD mind overthinks literally everything and cut yourself some slack. Also... see to it that you treat the person as if you have forgiven them. In doing so you will eventually begin to actually feel like you've forgiven them.
My two cents.
Mitzi

Does anyone else struggle with "getting over" things, like resentfulness and bitterness towards someone? I know it's an issue for anyone to be forgiving, but we know it's something we've been commanded to do. But, do you feel like you still hang onto it and don't really let it go as you're telling God you're doing? Especially when the person keeps doing the same thing that led to the grudge to begin with and all those old angry feelings stir right back up? Is this something that people with OCD struggle with more than others who don't have it? I feel like I can't get over things or let things go like "normal" people do. I know I'm still held accountable for it, OCD or not. The anger seems so intense and often times I just stuff it down inside of me, it seems to go away for a while eventually, and then resurfaces like a rupturing volcano. I don't feel as if I can be truly forgiven by God and I don't ever feel as if I'm truly forgiving of others, I just say I am.

Does anyone else know what I mean?

 

[gracealone]

Darn it! I just knew you were mad at me.
Mitzi

It's not really an issue ppl with OCD struggle with. I really never held a grudge against a person until about a yr ago. And it has been eating me alive cos God commands us to forgive and it was a blow to my walk because I don't know how to deal with it except by saying God knows my heart and would rather want to know that I would forgive then let hate boil over.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks so much to both of you for replying. Mitzi, your insightfulness is always a blessing to me. I'm really bad about wanting to "pet" the hurt sometimes by telling others about how the person has wronged me. It doesn't help me to feel better, but it puts the other person in a bad light, which in turn shows to me I've not truly forgiven. I've said it, told God I forgive, but when the same thing keeps happening repteadly with that person and I've not known how to handle it to begin with, I get so overwhelmed and begin those accusing thoughts again.

Anyway, thanks so much. I keep telling myself that I don't have the right to judge as the Bible tells me I don't. I need to learn how to approach issues that really need approaching in a God-honoring way and not be a "rug" so to speak to be walked upon, yet to overlook what I perceive as a multitude of trangressions also. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but sometimes I don't deal with things and let them go, and then I harbor the resentment, even years later, because I never dealt with them appropriately to begin with. That's difficult for me to do since I'm not confrontational by nature. Also, I'm probably more sensitive to people's remarks, etc., than I should be also.

Thanks again for everything.

 

[dabro]

Darn it! I just knew you were mad at me.
Mitzi

Ya because I worked so hard for my talent and other didn't lol

 

[gracealone]

Hi Becca,
I totally understand what you're are saying as I'm a bottler too. I've been that way most of my life. I never had one harsh word with any of my good friends as a kid. Not that they didn't hurt my feelings sometimes - I just never told them that they did. I hate conflict or confrontation. But just like you I can hold stuff in and then end up miserable inside. I think it contributes big time to my Anxiety issues. I do a better job than I used to in "speaking my mind" when I'm hurt but it still makes me extremely upset and nervous to do so. I also have a hard time accepting it when someone is mad at me and stays mad at me. I feel like I should keep trying to fix it. I've had to learn that sometimes people don't want to get over being mad at me and that I can't do anything about it.
God knows about our weaknesses and thankfully He provides the grace and strength to cover us concerning those things which we wish we could be rid of.
Anyhow... I "get" you.
Mitzi

Thanks so much to both of you for replying. Mitzi, your insightfulness is always a blessing to me. I'm really bad about wanting to "pet" the hurt sometimes by telling others about how the person has wronged me. It doesn't help me to feel better, but it puts the other person in a bad light, which in turn shows to me I've not truly forgiven. I've said it, told God I forgive, but when the same thing keeps happening repteadly with that person and I've not known how to handle it to begin with, I get so overwhelmed and begin those accusing thoughts again.

Anyway, thanks so much. I keep telling myself that I don't have the right to judge as the Bible tells me I don't. I need to learn how to approach issues that really need approaching in a God-honoring way and not be a "rug" so to speak to be walked upon, yet to overlook what I perceive as a multitude of trangressions also. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but sometimes I don't deal with things and let them go, and then I harbor the resentment, even years later, because I never dealt with them appropriately to begin with. That's difficult for me to do since I'm not confrontational by nature. Also, I'm probably more sensitive to people's remarks, etc., than I should be also.

Thanks again for everything.