Forgiveness??

[kimleach]

Matthew 18
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

This is a passage that is very relevant to me at the moment, one that I am really struggling with.

My story (short version) :- My brother is a drug addict!! About 3 years ago he admitted it to the family (I had known for a few years) and asked for help. He had an abusive marriage (his wife verbally abused him all the time) which made things worse!! Anyway my sister and I took out loans and paid for him to go to a private Christian drug rehab, but it did not work. He then came to live with me, stole from me to pay for his habit, used me against my christian friend etc. etc and crippled me financially. He has been in and out of work for the past few years and has stolen from each company. He then got a car from my dad and had not paid for it when he went and sold it for more drug money. Now my mom is trying to sort it out without my dad knowing (he would blow a fuse!! ) and she is so worried that she has been ill for some time now. I have been sending her money (they are in South Africa - I'm in the UK) to try and help her sort this out. My brother lies continually and often tells us that he is a christian and needs help, but as soon as we soften he stabs us in the back!! I am so angry with him at the moment!!

How do I forgive him for all he has done?? I know that as a christian I have to, but at the moment all I can think of doing is putting a bullet in him and get rid of the problem!!

Thoughts and prayer would be most welcoming!!

Struggling
Kim

 

[Momzilla]

Kim, if you have a pastor you can talk to, I would recommend it.

You may already realize this, but forgiving your brother does not mean letting him walk all over you again. Christ wants us to act in love, and sometimes the most loving thing we can do for an addict is to cut him off from our help so that he is forced to confront his problem.

Forgiving him for what he's done in the past can be very difficult, especially if he is still actively using. I know that I was not able to truly forgive the addict in my life (who was an alcoholic) until he was truly sober. When his behavior toward me changed, I was able to let go of the past. God knows you are struggling, so bring it to Him in prayer, and let Him help you. But realize that it may not be instantaneous.

 

[rogsr]

This is a really serious problem. I know that drug addicts can only beat their addiction if they really want to. But even then it is one of the hardest things to do in this world. The devil has a hold on your poor brother. His sin is causing him to suffer greatly, along with yourself and your family.

Here is my advice to you in a frank manner, but I don't know if this is for the best. That part is up to you.

Cut your brother off and give him information for a good rehab clinic that you find. Tell him that if he doesn't fix himself then he is no longer welcome. This is harsh, but maybe it will be the slap in the face that will wake him up. Then pray as much as you can.

Sometimes people have to get really low before they can finally and truly die on the cross with Christ in order to be reborn as a child of God. God sometimes has to crush our flesh in order to save the seed, our soul. God crushed my flesh, He chastened me harder than any person ever could. And it worked. It sounds like your poor brother is in that same boat, but in much stormyer seas.

God is our only refuge; tell your brother that when you send him on his journey.

My prayers are with you all,
Sean

 

[BarbB]

Also, check out newlife.org. This site helped me to forgive someone who had wronged me. I now have benevolent feelings about her and bless her even. I also found it helpful to pray for blessings in her life.

I'm praying for you - you are in a very tough spot!

 

[bliz]

I am saying the same as several others...

By all means, forgive him (or work on doing so because it does take time) but do not re-trust him. Make it clear that you care for him, will be in prayer for him and will even be willing to meet him at a public place and buy him a meal sometime, but he is not welcome in your home or in contact with any other member of your family. None of this will necessarilly help him; but it will prevent him from bring further pain and havoc on your family. It does not being glory to God for you to stand there and permit smeone to beat you. A drug addict will take their whole family down with them, given the opportunity. No longer give him that opportunity.

 

[kimleach]

Thank you all for your wisdom and prayers.

I know in my head that this is what is to be done, but find it so difficult to look at it from outside and deal with it in the proper way. I suppose when we are so emotionally involved our emotions rule!!

Well thank the Lord that His Grace is sufficient for me and I don't really have to carry this burden if I lay it at the cross!! My biggest fault is that I often leave things at the cross, but when I get up to go, I pick them up, sling them over my shoulder and off I go with them again!!

Well thanks again and God Bless you all.
Kim

 

[Serapha]

Matthew 18
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

This is a passage that is very relevant to me at the moment, one that I am really struggling with.

My story (short version) :- My brother is a drug addict!! About 3 years ago he admitted it to the family (I had known for a few years) and asked for help. He had an abusive marriage (his wife verbally abused him all the time) which made things worse!! Anyway my sister and I took out loans and paid for him to go to a private Christian drug rehab, but it did not work. He then came to live with me, stole from me to pay for his habit, used me against my christian friend etc. etc and crippled me financially. He has been in and out of work for the past few years and has stolen from each company. He then got a car from my dad and had not paid for it when he went and sold it for more drug money. Now my mom is trying to sort it out without my dad knowing (he would blow a fuse!! ) and she is so worried that she has been ill for some time now. I have been sending her money (they are in South Africa - I'm in the UK) to try and help her sort this out. My brother lies continually and often tells us that he is a christian and needs help, but as soon as we soften he stabs us in the back!! I am so angry with him at the moment!!

How do I forgive him for all he has done?? I know that as a christian I have to, but at the moment all I can think of doing is putting a bullet in him and get rid of the problem!!

Thoughts and prayer would be most welcoming!!

Struggling
Kim

Hi there!



first of all... a prayer for you....

and second, a piece of advice... people can only hurt you when you allow them to hurt you... and to remember and re-play the thoughts over and over again in your mind--only allows that person to hurt you again and again.


Your brother will have to hit "rock bottom" before he is FORCED to give up drugs. And he may have to bounce on "rock bottom" more than once before the realization sets in that he can't control his habit.

Forgiveness does not carry the prerequisite that you lay down your financial life for your brother. Forgive him, and then forgive yourself for allowing him to control your past actions.


~serapha~

 

[Devoted to the Lord!]

Matthew 18
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Why is it limited to 77 times? Why are we only to forgive 77 times? God will forgive us no matter how many sins we do correct?

 

[Faith In God]

Why is it limited to 77 times? Why are we only to forgive 77 times? God will forgive us no matter how many sins we do correct?

Yup. we are to forgive, because we have no right not to forgive.

 

[lucaspa]

How do I forgive him for all he has done?? I know that as a christian I have to, but at the moment all I can think of doing is putting a bullet in him and get rid of the problem!!

Struggling
Kim

Kim, IMO you have 3 separate issues here:
1. Forgiving
2. Approving
3. Assisting

Doing the first doesn't mean you have to do the 2nd and 3rd. Forgiving what your brother has done does not mean you have to give him an opportunity to hurt you or people depending on you. You have other responsibilities than to your brother -- your wife and kids, your parents, your other siblings. Resources -- money -- given to your brother means less for the others also in your care.

So ... forgive but neither approve nor assist. You don't approve of his drug habit nor will you assist that habit any more. And since any money given to him goes for drugs, it means you can't have him in your house or give him money for food or a car -- it will just go to drugs instead.

You are in the tough position where real love for your brother demands that you let him hit rock bottom so he will want to help himself. Then and only then help get him in a drug treatment program. Keep track of him (the lost sheep) so you can find him when he is ready for help. But this sheep can't be helped until he wants help.

 

[Devoted to the Lord!]

Yup. we are to forgive, because we have no right not to forgive.

That's not my question. My question is why only 77 times?

 

[lucaspa]

Why is it limited to 77 times? Why are we only to forgive 77 times? God will forgive us no matter how many sins we do correct?

It was poetic, not literal. No one is going to keep track up to 77! The point is we forgive far more times than Peter thought.

 

[Faith In God]

That's not my question. My question is why only 77 times?

Oh. because God says so, is my first answer , but I'll get back to that as soon as I think of a Scripture hold on.


oh! scratch that! this is an edit, so... I jsut fully read the quote. only? read below. 7 is the number of completeness, and we are to forgive 11 times 100% of the time. It's peotry, as said below.

 

[TheMainException]

First, to answer your question. You cannot forgive, but you can ask God to help you forgive. It is completely against our human nature to forgive, so have God open you up and let the forgiveness roll out.

Second, you need to get your brother out of the house and away from you. Here is where tough love needs to be applied in a mighty way. You cannot keep letting him take money from you. His habit is a disease and it is going to kill. You need to kick him out. Don't give him a key, don't let him into the house. Tell him you love him, but he can't drag you all down. Don't be mean to him, just don't let him take anything else, you will only hurt him more by allowing him to take things and by giving him stuff. It might help him if he got sent to jail a couple of times. Don't bail him out either.

 

[Ken]

I would just add that in just about every way that you "help" him now, aside from acting out tough love that is directly related to helping him kick his addiction, is actually harmful to him, and is doing nothing but further enabling him to feed his addiction.... so not only is tough love the way to go for you and your family, it is best for him in the truest sense... truly loving him will mean being uncompromisingly hard on him in order to get him off drugs.... he may rail against you, but if he ever comes around (and you have to face the fact that he may not, he may end up in prison, or worse) he will thank you for your firm love…. Something you may want to have at the front of your thoughts is the possibility of getting a restraining order… I do not know how they do such things in the UK, but here in the states you can get a court order making him stay a certain minimal distance for you and your family at all times… if he breaks this barrier, you can call the police and they will immediately come and arrest him for violation of the restraining order… this may seem extreme, but people do very bad things when it comes to getting what they think they need to feed their habit…. Things they would never have dreamed of doing in a sober state of mind… you have an obligation to protect your family from this potential danger…



Hope this helps


blessings

 

[Macca]

Why is it limited to 77 times? Why are we only to forgive 77 times? God will forgive us no matter how many sins we do correct?

In Jewish culture 7 is the number of completion or perfection, so 70 times 7 is from completness to completness. Macca.

 

[Emmy]

If it is just to forgive,the straighforward answer is ALWAYS.To forgive helps us,to not forgive,hurts us.Because it is often very hard,we need the Lords`s help to forgive.There are times when we have to do more than forgive,when we have to help a loved one to overcome.(Whatever the addiction)Here only endless love,endless prayer,plus the common sense our Lord has given us.But love and forgiveness must always be there.Sincere greetings from Emmy,Your sister in Christ.

 

[Bevlina]

If we have the pure love of God in our hearts, forgiveness is automatic. At first, we are angry and bewildered as a young christion. But, as we get older, and grow in the Word, forgiveness is as natural as breathing.

 

[Faith In God]

In Jewish culture 7 is the number of completion or perfection, so 70 times 7 is from completness to completness. Macca.

7 is complete. 70 times 100% is...
forgive 7000% of the time!!!

 

[nb_christseeker]

uh, repentance?