Forgiveness

[shazabella]

Tonight at church the sermon was on forgiveness and i was wondering if people have ever felt lead by God to forgive their abusers and if you think that you possibly could after what they have put you through.

I have struggled with this for a long time and was wondering am I the only one who struggles with this. I am not implying that we should or should not forgive the person/s who hurt us but just curious what everyone's thoughts were.

- Shaz

 

[luv4godremains]

I have felt led to forgive those whom have abused me, yet, for some reason, am still on the trying to let go of my past part of it. I believe that we all can forgive them with the help of God, but I have found it hard to WANT to forgive them, because at the same time as wanting to, I wish there was some way to let them feel a tiny amount of the pain that they have caused me, hte things that their treatment of me has led to for me now.
I do wish I could, as I know it's the right thing to do, so for the time being, whilst I am unable to forgive them, I just try not to be angry and bitter towards them!

hope this has helped,
God bless

 

[Gracie710]

Forgiveness is so hard. It's something that you do over and over again. Remember that it's not saying that what they did was right. In a real sense, you have been wronged and it is very natural to feel like there should be something done to rectify it. Justice demands that a price be paid for the sin against you. Forgiveness is simply leaving it to our Father to mete out justice in His perfect way. It's not saying, Oh, what you did wasn't that bad. It's saying, I know what you did was awful, but I am leaving it up to God to decide what the consequences should be. I no longer demand a visible recompense or retribution for what happened.

When I ask myself if I have forgiven, I ask -- would I rather this person be led to repentence for what they have done, and led into a loving relationship with God, or would I rather they suffer in hell? If you have forgiven -- no matter if you still struggle with anger, hurt, pain -- you will prefer that the person be brought to repentance.

If they repent, then they will lean on Jesus to stand in their stead for the justice they deserve for their sins -- if they don't repent, they will have to pay a dear price.

I know in my heart that if my abusers were to ask for my forgiveness, I would give it to them. I still struggle, but I don't harbor the bitterness that used to eat me up and poison my life -- and I'm grateful to God for that!

 

[reeann]

I've forgiven many people things. I still struggle with my abuser. I do not harbor bittnerness though since I followed Jesus example. I asked God to forgive them, as it was not in my heart to forgive them but I realize that my heart needs to change. So for now, I pray for them and ask my Father to help me with my heart.

 

[Katie12]

Its hard to forgive an abuser.I have but i know alot of people struggle with it.The only reason ive forgiven him was because i have to many friends who are christians and told me about how to forgive and forget,see i can forgive but i dont think me or any one will forget.Its hard for some but then again i think everyone has a hard time with it.Just got to remember WWJD(What Would Jesus Do)what would he do,or what has he done?Well he forgave the people who but him on the cross and he was beaten and abused,so why cant we forgive the man/women who abused us?If we try we can .





blessed be,
Katie

 

[marli]

I think forgiving abusers in the sense of releasing them from responsibility for their actions is an incorrect interpretation. Instead, we should strive to forgive people in a way that accepts their being human and imperfect -- in that way I've found peace.

 

[Loopi]

I havent been able to forgive. Ive tried, there was a preach about it at church one sunday, and i went forwards and said that i wanted to forgive someone from my past. My Pastor prayed with me, praying for me to find the strength and the peace of God that comes with forgiving somone, but afterwards i just ended up on my knees crying because no matter how much i wanted to forgive i couldnt.

I hope that one day when i have began to work my way through dealing with my past that i will be able to forgive my abuser. I will never be able to forgive him for his actions, but i will be able to forgive him in a way of accepting , as marli said, that my abuser is only human and imperfect.

 

[Yasha]

I agree with a lot of the things you all wrote. I have to forgive many abusers, over and over in this family. I have to forgive them every time I talk to them and everytime evidence of their **** in my little family of four shows up. Everytime I pay rehab bills; spend entire days attending meetings where my beautiful son is a guest speaker and hanging on for dear life to hope that he can become well; everytime I worry that he will repeat if he doesn't face his mountain of pain; everytime I babysit my grandson and wonder if he is safe and will be safe; everytime I get up out of my bed in tears in the wee hours because my husband hasn't laid a hand on me in weeks and go in another room so I don't wake him; everytime I realize that I had to give up having kids of my own because no one had finished their job raising my husband in kindness and love; everytime I hug a male member of our family; everytime I second guess my own affection for family members; everytime I hold me son while he's in tears because he hates the people who gave him life for not knowing how to love him or support him; everytime I have to lock up my house when he is abusing crack and being a despicable animal because he wants to destroy himself rather than face the family that brought him into the world; everytime my in-laws want to know why my son can't find it in himself to visit or call them anymore since he has learned their truths and more of his; everytime I even think of my niece and the damage she helped my son do to himself and herself; everytime I think of her stepfather, an abuse counselor, whose been accused; everytime I think of her mother; everytime I think of my mother-in-laws choices, so unlike mine; everytime I wonder if the person I am talking to is laughing at me because I don't know their secret and they are lying through their teeth at me; everytime I realize that my own birth family and me are on two different planets because they don't understand about all these things we talk about here......etc.

I'm sure you could ALL make lists worse than mine, too. But, the truth is, forgive IS a verb. It is an action and a choice. And, it is not just for them...it is for me. If I don't do it, I get bitter...bitterness is a cancer that spreads as fast and more subtley than abuse. And, I really don't know how to do it all the time either. I just do it. Because I truly LOVE the people who have done all these things. They are imperfect, they are human, they are all BROKEN and they are all God's kids.

When I first learned all this stuff about everybody, I started to try to decide who was responsible, really. Who started all this stuff? What year? The trail led back generations and across every branch of our family. Everyone grew up in a house with victims...no one still alive 'started it.' And, that's when I decided that if I could see the little boy that used to be my father-in-law, I would have wept for him...or the one that used to be my mother-in-law's stepfather....or if I could only see the little girl that used to be my son's mother's Mom....

and I realized that there was no where to point my fingers! ....and I considered the three fingers that came at me when I stuck my index finger out.( I heard that at a meeting , yesterday, and liked it)

Whereever the blame lies, in a search that proved useless, I was the only one who could change anything, I could change me....I do my part. My part includes weeping for all the little boys and girls who came before ....So, I forgive them all....everyday, in Jesus' name.

I don't expect you all to do what I do....I just don't have any other healthy choice that I can find. I thought I would ask, "What other choice is there that is healthy?

 

[luv4godremains]

Sha, you're amazing! I really don't see how you can do it! I guess we're all on a journey to finding out how to, through God's strength, guidance and wisdom we cann all get there, but we do have to WANT to forgive them, completely and deep down inside!

 

[StarryEyedPea]

Your not alone in the whole struggle thing with forgiveness!

I do believe that He will put you on a place where you will forgive, even though at times it feels like you never could.

I would love to share a story with you, but I dont know how relevant it would be , or how helpful it would be, but if you want to hear it, let me know, its about forgiveness... and that forgiveness taking four years to come!

god bless for now

sep xx

 

[Yasha]

Sha, you're amazing! I really don't see how you can do it! I guess we're all on a journey to finding out how to, through God's strength, guidance and wisdom we cann all get there, but we do have to WANT to forgive them, completely and deep down inside!

I don't feel too amazing. I feel a little beat up this week. The Lord poured through me so strongly in a meeting I had on Sunday with my son and his sponsor, after a speaking engagement of my son's...that I am wiped and in awe, I guess. I am still dealing with my son's lesser capacity to think of me and my needs in our relationship all the time. When I put out like that, it drains me royally. I think we are not made to manifest the Spirit too regularly in force...it always drains and weakens me.

After suffering with the feelings of extreme vulnerabilty that always seem to follow being such a vessel for the Lord, I called my son to confess my vulnerabilty after giving and sharing so much for his friend and him. No doubt they discussed our meeting like friends do, but my son doesn't think of me as anyone who needs followup feedback or support after such a thing. I felt like a beggar trying to get just a small dose of kindness from him to reassure me. I have to forgive him for not even knowing how to do that unprompted. I have to forgive him for not realizing that I am just a human vessel like him and like his friend. I have to find my kindness somewhere else, because he didn't offer any. I just confessed my heart and hung up unsatisfied, like a rambling idiot.

Being God's instrument in a thing does not make me amazing. It scares me and tires me and drains me, sometimes. I am as feeble and frail as any of you are. I am just one of His many kids, trying to find my way back onto His lap....waiting for him to take me Home where love paves the streets and I don't have to search it out like a beggar in the dustbowl.

I know you mean me kindness when you say a thing like that luv4godremains...and, I don't mean to sound off to the contrary, but this is a definite week of non-amazing for me, so I thought I'd share that.

and, thank you, for letting me know that my post touched you. I love you for that. Sha

 

[shazabella]

considering i was the one who posted this topic ...i really should answer it

...

I honestly don't even know where to start ... i hate him for everything he has done to me and yet i want to get rid of this lead feeling in my heart i want to be able to be free of everything ... thursday night proved that as did last saturday night because i don't want to live with any regrets and its going to be so hard but i think if i didn't i would live to regret it ...

A chick i know her mum is dying from terminal cancer and she was sexually abused by her father and because of the anger and pure hatred she harbors towards her father she's not going to see her mum before she dies ... i don't want to live like that with anyone ... not even him.

I want to look at him and have love in my heart because i look at him and see God's creation not all the pain and ickyness flooding back and i honestly think that its up to God to do this for me because I can't do it alone ... i am too much of a person who needs control and to do this is basically giving up control of the situation and there is way too much pain and hurt there to do it on my own.

The bible (matthew 18: 21-35) says we should forgive them not 7 times but 7 times 7 times and i am struggling with this so much ... this is me being completely honest and raw.

I keep coming back to WWJD but the answer is right in front of me to forgive the person who hurt me not 7 times but 7 x 7 times.

I was hurt badly but i don't need to harbor this hurt in my life anymore.

I hate having the ability of rebuking this ... because i want to forgive him ... well all 3 of them and its going to take time.

Father God please forgive them for me because i honestly can't do it alone there is just way too much raw pain and you are the ever forgiving ever loving God... Lord please just help me to let go of this pain this anger this hatred that i have been carrying for just too long ... lord please allow me to start to heal those scars and replace them with love for your creations because you created them just as you chose to create me. I ask this in your ever loving and forgiving name AMEN

- Shaz

 

[luv4godremains]

Sha - even though you can't see it, you are amazingly strong, have helped everyone on here, and are an amazing person! God has used you in soo many ways, and you hurt soo much, yet keep fighting on, you don't give up, it takes soo much strength, and you feel weak and tired, because you can't see how far you have come, and even if you could it would wear you out even more for the distance you have travelled, but God see's the strength in you, the strength it has taken for you to get here, and so do I, because I can't even dream of managing what you have!

Shazabella - If you really want to forgive them, which it sounds like you do, then pray, pray untill you can't pray anymore, pray as much as it takes, and know that through God's strength and love, you can forgive them, and you do not have to love how they act, hey, you don't even have to love them, even though we are meant to, God know's that we struggle, and he know's the truth that lies within your heart, keep praying and keep fighting, God will get you there in the end, and I'll pray for you and hope that God keeps you safe in his arms and would lift you to a palce where you can achieve the things you want to!

God bless, hope this helped or something along those lines!

PM me, both of ya if ya wanna chat, or anyone really for that matter!
you'll all be in my prayers!

 

[Yasha]

WOW! Shaz...

I want to look at him and have love in my heart because i look at him and see God's creation not all the pain and ickyness flooding back and i honestly think that its up to God to do this for me because I can't do it alone ... i am too much of a person who needs control and to do this is basically giving up control of the situation and there is way too much pain and hurt there to do it on my own.

7x7x7 WOW! What a great bunch of sentences. God must love you even 70 times more than I do for writing all that out. Your post is just so broken and honest. God LOVES when we arrive there. I can be soooooo stubborn...it can take me months and years to let go and lay it down...half dead crawling up on that altar, finally, to say I CAN'T, GOD...YOU HAVE TO! Good for you, in that mindset you are His servant, His pupil, His daughter, His Heart-on-a-string!

I'll tell you, girl...God HAS to answer such a prayer as that. I know so anyway, because I have been praying it for years....heeheehee And, in the end.....He always comes through, My Hero.

It is a one day at a time journey....bless your heart for wanting to walk it like He would. I know that makes Him sooo happy; and comforted for having given up His life for you. Be BLESSED.

Father God please forgive them for me because i honestly can't do it alone there is just way too much raw pain and you are the ever forgiving ever loving God... Lord please just help me to let go of this pain this anger this hatred that i have been carrying for just too long ... lord please allow me to start to heal those scars and replace them with love for your creations because you created them just as you chose to create me. I ask this in your ever loving and forgiving name AMEN

Father in Heaven, count my prayers with this one, in agreement, for YOUR glory. amen.

 

[Yasha]

Sha - even though you can't see it, you are amazingly strong, have helped everyone on here, and are an amazing person! God has used you in soo many ways, and you hurt soo much, yet keep fighting on, you don't give up, it takes soo much strength, and you feel weak and tired, because you can't see how far you have come, and even if you could it would wear you out even more for the distance you have travelled, but God see's the strength in you, the strength it has taken for you to get here, and so do I, because I can't even dream of managing what you have!

What you see in me, dear sweethearted girl, is Him.

On my own, when I once left Him aside, I was a seriously ill drug abuser who did so much to numb myself that I had brain damage and was medicated and locked up 3x. I was on brain meds for 5 years. On my own, away from Him, I didn't even know enough to bathe and I lived on the street.

Since He rebuilt me, I do my very best to let Him rule. He really is my King. I really am not much....and nothing without Him. I praise Him EVERYDAY, even every hour for resuscitating my sorry butt. Trust me when I say, if you see anything, you see Him (Praise God for that!) By the time I met my husband and son, I had already found out what a dog I was.....and, so much worse than anything they have ever done, I had no excuse but pride and rebellion and fear....the worst of excuses.

If I have said anything or done anything here to help anyone, it is TRULY as a vessel of the Jesus whom I ADORE....and depend on like air. I just tell the Truth, He writes the stories! I am grateful to have been used...because I have been to the bottom of me and back plenty of times....and it ain't pretty...AT ALL.

I must tell you, your heart comes through so beautifully in your posts, so often. When I was your age, I was on my way to hell. You have it ALL over me, girl. You are praying and trying and encouraging people like me...God Bless YOU!