for those dating

[Luther073082]

I seriously question the strength of the marriage in which the girlfriend and boyfriend have not even spent time alone.

Thats a good point that I didn't think of.

People are different alone then they are in public. So right after marriage you could easily discover that you don't even like that person when its just the two of you.

Either that or not spending that time in private together would make you distant as a couple. My GF is one of my closes confidents, there is a lot of stuff she knows about me that other people arn't privy to.

If you are marrying for love you need to be close to the person before you get married. And I mean emotionally close. You can't be emotionally close unless you have spent time just the two of you.

 

[latteda]

I seriously question the strength of the marriage in which the girlfriend and boyfriend have not even spent time alone.

I knew a woman who found out after she'd been married for 20+ years that her husband had been having affairs pretty much since the time she married him. When they were "courting," they were very reserved physically and also did not spend any time alone. What she said to me was, "I can't help but think that if we had spent some time alone, I would have been able to see the potential danger."

Granted, that is probably an extreme example, but the basic thought is the same...alone time and moderate physical touch will cause you to be able to get to know your S.O. in a way that you won't be able to otherwise.

 

[JdwB10]

I think there is too much emphazised on things like "physical touch" in relationships, when there ARE other aspects that are just as serious, if not even more so; wether or not the two people are capatable, for one. Agreeance on things like, faith, finances, political views, moral views, etc. Not touching does NOT mean that there's faithfulness, commitement and strength. The most intimate and strengthening moments in my relationship with my boyfriend are when we are alone, and can sit in the other's embrace and talk, cuddle, even discuss important issues. (Who'da thunk?) I really disagree with the "no-touch" policy. For someone who's love language is physical affection(me) I would DIE without a hug, a kiss, a cuddle session, a playful tickling session(which I LOVE), the stroking of my hair...heck, even a make out session. I DO NOT see a problem with this. We are completely, totally in love, we're practically engaged, and I am crazy about him. Without those things we would both be doomed to a life of lonliness.

 

[Solo Man]

I think that physical touch is fine as long as it is not sexual in nature. If it is not sexual in nature, then it is honoring to God.

 

[sanderse]

In my oppinion:
I think it is kinda odd how much people try to make physical touch suck a big DON'T in Dating. As much as we don't necessarily want to admit it, The physical aspect of a relationship is important just like the spiritual aspect of one. You must be physically attacted to your SO. I have dated a guy that I liked as a person. But after I kissed him... I felt no attaction to him. The main difference(i think) between friends and SO is that you are attracted to that person. The best BF is your BFF who you find physically attactive. And especially for girls: physical attraction is not all looks but how you can interact with the other person. I definately think there should be boundaries... but there should not be an absence of physicallity between two people who are thinking of each other with a marriage mindset. As far as the spending time alone. I think that there are many people out there for everyone(even though I still think God has a plan). The key is to find someone you like emotionally AND someone you have Similar life plans with. I also dated a guy who wanted to be a kid for a lot longer and not get married for a few years and not have kids til he was 30... Sorry... but my family has a history of early menapause and i was not going to risk not having children of my own. I am also not all about dating for 4 years without settling down... we had different plans for our lives, it just would never work out. We were always bitter with each other.
My boy now... WOW... we have talked so much that we have a "very flexible" timeline for the next 8 years of our lives planned out. lol. We talked all the time about what it is we want out of life. But neither of us like to do that around everyone else... People are different around groups than they are by themselves... it is a fact of life.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I couldn't do it. I think it's a healthy aspect of a relationhip. Granted we should make every effort to keep it from reaching a sexual level. There needs to be boundaries. However I think kissing, handholding, cuddling, and physical touch in general are things I couldn't live without. Physical touch is one of my strongest love languages, as it is with my boyfriend also.

 

[tbird_energizerbunny]

In dating/courting,
I believe that during courting/dating there is no touching. Not even holdings hands or kissing her/his cheek. Just passing the day together, having fun, spending time talking, that is what i think? and also going out but with groups.

What is your opinion on this?

Well first, the fact that you are questioning others about this belief is a sure-fire sign that you may be questioning the beliefs yourself. It's okay to question it! Don't feel wrong for having questioned it. Call me a liberal, but if you've been taught something all of your life, and you question it, and you realize that following something that is taught is probably not the best way to go, don't be afraid to discard that belief. That is change, that is trying new things, and maturing. But if you choose to hold on to this belief, make sure any girl that you're even slightly interested in, knows what you believe, because most girls are more touchy than guys are, and therefore, touch is typically more important to them. If you're honest and upfront with how you feel, you can avoid running into some serious dog-doo.

Secondly, the fact of the matter is, physical affection is a staple in a relationship of that sort. It really is. I cannot tell you of how important it is to some people. Take one of my dearest friends, I love her to death...and if I don't hug her, she tends to get upset. Not because we're dating or anything, but she needs that element to just feel like she's closer to me. Although this relationship I have with her is not of the romantic sorts, it's more of a best friend kind of thing...it is still worthy of exaimining.

To sum up...read Song of Solomon. If I recall correctly, these words were written to Solomon's lovers, correct? I'll let that speak for itself.

 

[yourstrulyjulie]

Biblical Dating: To Kiss or Not to Kiss

here's a link someone I knew from my old school posted, (a lot of people there shared this view), I think it explains in depth what you're talking about with the no touching, no spending time alone, and not confiding in each other too much. I couldn't do it, but if it works for you, then great.

edit:
also, i just noticed the last post was very old.. sorry for the bump but i wanted some input!

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I had a friend who went into a courtship relationship, they got married, and didn't touch at all until they reached the altar.

They're divorced now. They found they were not sexually attracted to each other and did not know how to express their feelings to each other.

She is now an atheist.

Another friend of mine was in a courtship where they were allowed to hold hands, hug, and could give/receive a kiss on the cheek but not on the lips. They've been married 14 years now and have the best marriage I have ever seen.

 

[E.C.]

In dating/courting,
I believe that during courting/dating there is no touching. Not even holdings hands or kissing her/his cheek. Just passing the day together, having fun, spending time talking, that is what i think? and also going out but with groups.

What is your opinion on this?

Depends on the couple.

My girlfriend and I have our boundaries that we decided on early on. So far it's worked out pretty good and we've both respected those boundaries.


I disagree with your no touching idea. Generally speaking a couple needs their intimate moments alone together since that is when they grow in their relationship together and become stronger. Or so that's what my limited experience has taught me.

Have your hugs, your kisses and your cuddles; but, remember that there are some things reserved only for married folk.

 

[Melethiel]

I don't think I could handle a relationship with alone time, kissing, and cuddling. If someone claimed to love me but refused to touch me, that would raise huge red flags in my mind. If they're afraid that even cuddling will lead them to sex...well, they need to work on self control. That said, naturally there need to be boundaries.

 

[undonebymercy]

I think it's relevant to each person. Chris and I cuddle, we kiss, we hold hands, we have time alone. No time alone means it's harder to sort out our arguments. No holding hands means there's a barrier between us that I hate. When we argue, we have no physical contact. And it's painful.

However, having said that, a good friend of ours is in the same type of relationship with his girlfriend as you're describing. They went too far one time and now they keep all physical contact to a minimum until they get married, in order to avoid the same situation happening again.

 

[Meesi]

I think it depends on the person. If that works for you, then great! But I know I would miss it way too much if I couldn't kiss and cuddle with my boyfriend. And I could be wrong because I've never been married, but the thought of going from never even holding hands with someone to in a few hours making love, scares me. And if you're comfortable with it, then it's a good way to get physically and emotionally closer to your SO without going over the line. Occasionally (like less than 5 times in nearly a year) my boyfriend and I have even slept in the same bed (we were on vacation in Disney World) and we didn't go over our boundaries, and we both really appreciated the closeness.

But I still feel you should go with what you're comfortable with! No one else has to live your life but you and if you don't want to do something, then don't feel pressured to do it by other people.

 

[JC_Crust]

if i couldnt kiss cuddle etc id tell the fella that we need to get married NOW lol

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

And I could be wrong because I've never been married, but the thought of going from never even holding hands with someone to in a few hours making love, scares me.

THIS pretty much. I've never been married either, but the thought of that absolutely blows my mind.

I hug my family and friends. I've kissed family and friends on the cheek and forehead before out of love. Judas kissed Jesus on His cheek to show which of them was the Messiah.. There are a wide variety of kisses which mean a wide variety of things.

My boyfriend and I kiss, obviously, because it would be strange for him to be the only person I love that I don't kiss. But that's not all we do, really. We can spend the better part of a day together and kiss once. That's not to boast, that's to say that there is much more to our relationship than the physical. I also blow on his cheek to make a fart noise sooo... yeah.

I cannot wrap my brain around not holding hands. I commend you for your devotion to what you've been told, but I've yet to find Biblical proof that hand holding makes God upset. If it's a purity thing, then how is holding hands impure? Or a hug? Or a kiss?

All of those can be perverted, especially in the society we live in today - but if those things are being perverted in a Christian relationship with God at the forefront, God is obviously not at the forefront. Love of God is first, all others second. I would focus more on Him and His Word than what a book by a stranger would tell you.