For the Wives.....'Personality v Looks' in your Man!!

[RJ1]

When I first met my husband I really didn't think he was anything special to look at. Average height, average weight, average build, average face. Just nothing really popped out at me looks wise. It was his personality that I fell in love with and his mind. He is so smart. Over the years, as I've grown to love him more, I've come to feel that he is the most beautiful looking creature on earth, after my children. There's no other face I'd rather see at the end of a hard day. No one I trust more, no one who means as much to me. It's funny but the guy that I thought was only average looking is now gorgeous to me and I know as we age, he'll only become more good looking to me.

 

[SummersEvening]

Mbams..........Thank you so much for raising that very important issue, that if one is completely sure that God has brought the two of you together, then who are we to doubt the best 'Match Maker' in the world!..............He ultimately knows who/what is best for his beloved children.

When we have been seeking God through months/or maybe years of prayer to lead us to our 'significant other'...........we have no right to doubt God's choice for us, after all He can see into our future (which we obviously cannot), and therefore we must trust that the Lord has 'His best choice' especially reserved for us!

 

[SummersEvening]

RJ1 - What a wonderful description of your husband..........and how lucky he is to have such an adoring wife too!

I think you and Mbams are absolutely correct......that when someone has a wonderful personality, it is this that makes them 'beautiful!'

I know this is not exactly a brilliant example, but sometimes I have noticed when watching a 'soap' on Television (and don't worry I hardly ever watch the television - just one 'soap' only, and this 'soap' isnt even on everyday!), that you have some extremely 'good looking' characters, then a new actor/actress is introduced to the soap who does not possess what the world would term 'good looks' (we of course, don't care what the world terms as 'good looks' but the media usually go for these types as they are investing 'their' money in them and know what types the public want to see on their screens).........Anyway, suddenly a new cast member is introduced who seems really quite plain in the 'looks' arena, and as they begin their part in the soap, it can even seem that they have been given a bit of a dull storyline at the beginning, but then as their personal storyline develops, we see the character develop as his 'personality shines through' and before we know it, we warm to that character..........and now we see him/her as an extremely 'good looking' actor/actress.

This is because we have seen that person's character develop over the weeks and as the actor has become more confident in his part, his personality has
really shone through, and this is turn has made him very attractive to us (even though looking back, when we were first introduced to this character, we really didn't see anything that the world would consider attractive about that person at all.....)
Well, ok I have rambled on a bit here and I do apologise for that, but hopefully you can see the point I am trying to make

 

[bliz]

Those who worry about waking up next to a guy who they do not find attractive should give a little thought to their own ability to perpetually look young and beautiful.

Life changes us all and life is full of surprises. I'm thinking of two folks I knew in college. On their honeymoon there was a car accident, and he is in a wheelchair now. Another gal from college was diagnoses with diabetes after her honeymoon. She has been twice her wedding day size from then on. My husband is losing his hair... the lady down the street go skin cancer on her face and it is very mottled and scarred these days...

Anyone who marries for looks is a fool! Anyone who thinks looks are more important than personality deserves what they will get.

 

[SummersEvening]

Bliz, I don't know if you are aiming your comments at anyone in particular......... but they seem to me to hold a rather bitter tone.

I for one, never once suggested that 'Looks are more important than personality' (because I don't believe they are), I just wanted to know if others found, like myself, that someome who has a wonderful heart for the Lord and a great personality too, is priceless! I guess I was just searching for verification.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Those who worry about waking up next to a guy who they do not find attractive should give a little thought to their own ability to perpetually look young and beautiful.

Because you took some of my words, I'm going to venture that that comment was directed at me. I stand behind what I said. I don't want to wake up to someone I think is ugly. I'm not saying that my perception of what's good looking or attractive can't change over time or due to circumstances, but I do think physical attraction is important in a marriage. I don't think it should be THE most important aspect of a relationship, but I do think attractiveness holds merit in a marriage.

On their honeymoon there was a car accident, and he is in a wheelchair now. Another gal from college was diagnoses with diabetes after her honeymoon. She has been twice her wedding day size from then on. My husband is losing his hair... the lady down the street go skin cancer on her face and it is very mottled and scarred these days...

Whoa. Where did anyone say they would love their spouse less if something bad or unavoidable were to happen to alter their looks? I certainly never said nor implied anything of the sort, and I don't believe that either. I took my vows with my husband till DEATH do us part, not till looks do us part. Don't assume that just because someone appreciates good looks they're that shallow and don't take their vows or their marriage seriously.

Anyone who marries for looks is a fool! Anyone who thinks looks are more important than personality deserves what they will get.

Wow. That's a really hateful thing to say. Are you saying that because I think looks are important I deserve to have my husband mangled or debilitated (because that's what I'm getting out of that comment)? That's really harsh and hurtful.

 

[SummersEvening]

IslandBreeze,

I can understand why you would feel led to make a 'stand' against the comments which Bliz raised in her earlier post, and that you have replied to in your first 2 paragraghs (There's quite alot of which I can agree with there too!)
Now even though it looks as if Bliz might have been addressing her comments directly at you,..........I really DO NOT think for one moment, that she meant that if you personally, thought that 'looks' were so very important in a marriage, then YOU deserve thise things to happen to you too!...........No! - Surely Bliz can't possibly mean that! :-(

 

[MrDude]

Anyone who marries for looks is a fool! Anyone who thinks looks are more important than personality deserves what they will get.

With comments like that, you make it seem like you're living proof that it's not worth marrying for personality either.




Lol I can tell I'm gonna get warned/banned for that comment, but oh well, it had to be said.

 

[HeatherJay]

*leading the thread in nice, deep, cleansing breaths*

LOL, now, on with my own opinion. I was never really into red heads with freckles until I met my hubby. I think my hubby is really cute now, but that's not why I married him. I love him for his personality and his other inner qualities. It's a bonus that I am so physically attracted to him, but the real attraction is far more emotional than anything else...and I find myself wanting him, jelly belly and all.

And even though Bliz was somewhat blunt in her post, I agree to an extent. And nowhere did she say anyone deserved to be disfigured or crippled...I didn't get that at all. What I got out of her closing comment was that if your marriage is based on something so shallow and superficial as a cute butt, or a hot body, or a face like Brad Pitt, then the relationship itself will likely never be much deeper than that.

And Island Breeze, I don't think that you were suggesting that you married your hubby just because he was cute...I didn't get that out of your post.

Let's all just chill and have some ice cream, okay?

 

[bliz]

Mmmmmmm... I'm having Cherry Garcia, thank you, HeatherJay.

I apoloigize for being blunt. My remarks were not address to anyone in particular. I'm sorry if they were perceived in that way. To the best of my recolection, no one on this site said that they valued looks *above* personality, and that is what my remarks primarily discussed.

My illustration of how things can change in a marriage was intended as a reminder that even if we choose on looks, primarily or in part, or if our spouse chooses us on looks, those looks are not guaranteed, not even for the next week. It was certainly not a threat or a warning of what can happen to those who marry for looks. It is a statement of how temporal apperance is for all of us. When we talk about such things, people usually think about growing old and gray and wrinkled, but other things can happen to alter our apperance in the very near future.

I said: Anyone who thinks looks are more important than personality deserves what they will get.

I stand by it. What I was thinking, and clearly did not begin to express well, is that people who marry primarily for looks will get exactly that - someone who looks great. Looks will not see a couple through raising kids, through financial hard times, through career setbacks and spititual droughts or serious illnesses and deaths, all of which most of us face in our lives. A pretty face and great bod, as pleasing as they are, just don't cut it when real life comes calling.

I am sorry to have caused a minor uproar or hurt feelilngs.
I am sorry, MrDude, if my poorly worded remarkes tempted you into making your snide comment about my personality.
Just kidding, Mr Dude. Didn't want you to think I'd missed it!

I am far from bitter! I guess I was irked to find that people are still debating the apperance/personality issue. I should have just let this particular thread go by...

 

[IslandBreeze]

Thank you for clearing things up! I understand your point much better now and appreciate your input!

 

[brokenbananas]

My husband and I met online, too. For me, I have typically gone for a certain "look" in a man and my husband didn't meet that look. However, I have never met a man as awesome as him that compliments me more. He has wonderful character and we are both growing together in Christ. He is the perfect man for me.

This, of course, does not mean we do not have our share of problems (and some are pretty big), but in the grand scheme of things, we work through them, God refines us, we mature as Christians, and our marriage gets stronger.

Blessings,
Doris

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

personality is way more important than looks.
He can lose weight. You will both get old, grey, wrinkly, probably fatter.
What if you marry a thin man and he gains a bunch? Sure, it can be appealing and turn you on if your guy has an appealing body, but his mind is what is really sexy.