For my brother Mikhael Disciple of Christ

[sylverpiano]

Mikheal, my brother, the only advice I can give is to separate your issues and work on one at a time. Find a phone number for AA. You will find people at hose meetings that absolutely understand what you are going through. The first thing they tell you is that you need to take one step at a time.

Your problems seem overwhelming, and I know what you are going through, but do not let this stop you from working on them. Take it a piece at a time.

We are with you, and praying for you.

 

[pdudgeon]

Thanks Sylvia, Fantine, and all. I'm afraid you're all praying for nothing, though. Not that I want you to stop. I'm just going through so much and I don't know how to handle it, and for some reason God doesn't answer my pleas. I don't even feel worthy to be answered. People in the middle east go through so much more every single day. Why should he look upon me? I don't even know how much more I can take. I'm autistic (aspergers, not full blown), I've got uncontrollable anxiety going on, depression, alcoholism, and the cherry on top is being unemployed with a wife and three kids. How much more can I take? Every morning I wake up hoping that last night was the night God decided to heal me, but he never does. He just never does. My doctor seems content to want to make everything about aspergers, but I'm not buying it. Deep wounds from the past and alcoholism is a seperate issue. I can't even bring myself to speak about it in real life. Alcohol and weed have become my doctor and my shrink. It's hard to talk about giving up the booze when it's always been there for me. My wife will beg me to put it down, but I just cry, I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep. Please let me go to sleep. Nobody gets it. Nobody knows what it's like. How is a person supposed to do this? I'm afraid I could never bring any of you or anyone else for the matter to understanding. It's been a long time coming, but I'm just utterly defeated. You win. I don't know who won, but someone or something won. You beat me.

i get it, and yes there are times now when i too resort to a day in bed and extra sleep as a release from what's real.

deep wounds take time to heal; way more time than anyone outside the situation can realize. and meanwhile we feel very fragile and vulnerable.

one thing i do know, and that's that our pain all by itself is what makes us worthy of more attention and help, and in need of that help and those prayers on our behalf.

Not a single prayer is ever, ever wasted.

Help is there. Even when we don't know that we're getting help, prayers are going up on our behalf. And help comes in many different forms.

One of those forms is in how God measures out that pain that we are going through; enough that we look to Him, but not enough to break us. We just have to take things one day--sometimes one hour--at a time, and put one foot in front of the other, rest, and then move the other foot.

one of the ways that help comes to us from God is in the stories in the bible when folks back in the OT and NT had their problems.

And yet they lived.

They lived in every case because God did intervene. He didn't intervene when any of those people thought that He should have, but He did act on their behalf. And their end was better than if they had been able to save themselves by their own power.

The lesson here is that this time of trials in your life does have a great ending---it's just not here yet.
So be sure to stick around for the last reel, because what God is going to do--how He's going to pull this one out of the bag--will be nothing short of amazing.
Remember, great trials ensure a blockbuster ending from God if we leave the timing up to Him.

 

[Tallguy88]

Mike, brother. We all care about you. That may sound hollow coming from the other side of a computer screen, but it's true! You gotta hang in there and do what you can for your wife, your kids, and yourself. Go to AA meetings or go into a rehab facility.

Is there any alcohol in your house? Pour it down the drain right now. Stay away from the bars and the pool tables. No one is going to force it down your throat. Kick that bottle in the butt and show it that YOU are in charge, not it.

I'm praying for you bigtime.

 

[MikeK]

You are going to have to confront your past if you are going to move beyond it. God isn't usually in the business of miraculous cures these days, but what He DOES do is give us the strength to hang on and get help.

You ever heard that story about a man waiting on a roof as the waters rise around him? People in a boat come by, people in a helicopter come by, but he waves them off, saying that God will save him. He drowns, and when he confronts God, he asks God why He didn't help him. God said He sent the boat and the helicopter, but the man refused that help.

God uses people as His hands in the world. Suffering is too great for one person to handle all by himself. No one should be expected to suffer when there are qualified people out there who choose to undergo specialised training intended to help ease the suffering of others. There are people out there who can help shoulder your burden and guide you forward.

If you can't speak about it to a therapist, write about it. Write down your main struggles as clearly as you can, and give it to your therapist as a starting point. You can confront this emotional paralysis, but probably the hardest part will be getting to a point where you can discuss it. You won't be able to effectively face your "demons" until you can talk about it. You won't be able to let it go until you get it out.

The bottle doesn't have any solutions for you. Pity parties don't have any solutions, either. All you have to do is take one step. Make a call. Look up a website. Find an email address. Contact someone to get yourself out of this hole.

Don't convince yourself that there is no hope, no point. Do something, anything, and it will be better than doing what you're doing now.

Don't be the guy drowning on the roof. Wave down the boat. Wave down the helicopter. You might feel powerless, but THIS is the one thing you CAN do. Don't refuse to do it.

This is sound advice. There is no shame in accepting help and there is no shame in asking for help. Pride is a sin. Not being entirely self-sufficient at every moment of our lives is not. Your demons (metaphorically speaking, I am not suggesting that you are possessed by demons) are among the worst I've heard of, and while I sincerely wish I had an easy button to offer you I don't.

You needed a father and you were robbed of it - you were denied what you deserved and had every right to expect. That isn't fair and what was dealt you was nothing short of criminal.

Your children need a Father. They don't need a man with a great job, or any job. They just need you - to love them, to be their protector, to be pick them up when they fall - to just plain be there.

The road behind you has been hard, and the road in the immediate future is not easy. Endure it. Every minute, ask Christ for help. Every minute, ask yourself who you'll like to be. Assess what is important to you, what you value, what you want your mark on this world to be after you're gone.

This community loves you. If there is something that you need, please ask.

 

[Fantine]

O God who are the only source of health and healing, the spirit of calm and the
central peace of this universe, grant to Mikhail such a consciousness of your indwelling and surrounding presence that he may permit you to give him health and strength and peace, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

[LivingWordUnity]

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Michael,

We're all fallen creatures. Some aren't fallen more than others. We're just all FALLEN. We've all had different experiences. We can't pick our families, and some kids are born into abusive or drug-abused or other awful situations. Did God place them there? Did God WANT them to wallow in it? Did God hope for their failure? Nah. Not at all.

Freewill, the big aspect of Catholic and Orthodox thinking, is a key one. We are free agents who can thrive and bless others or we can ruin ourselves and/or others.

You and I have spoken in PM's, so I know some of your struggles (which I would NEVER EVER repeat btw!), but I also know you hunger for God!

The question is this: are you going to come out of this destroyed, burned, mission failed, surrendered, lost, gone......or are you going to come out of this as a testimony to victory in Christ, triumphant, holier, more loving, and proof positive that in God EVERYTHING is possible?

Sylvia is correct that you have A LOT of issues to tackle. Guilt from the past isn't easy, but CAN be overcome! Satan's tool is guilt. The Devil tries his DARNDEST to keep you OUT of the Confessional! Then once you've come out of it, he does his DARNDEST to try to convince you that YOU'RE STILL GUILTY!

Don't buy it.

You DO need to go to AA. And if you fall, you can't keep convincing yourself you'll never beat this addiction.

You need to seek out a priest/pastor and really UNLOAD the guilt you're carrying.

You need to fast right now. A general de-tox is in order!

You need to stop to pray three major times a day.

Look at men like King David! Let me ask you this: have you ever found another man's wife, slept with her, impregnated her, then had the husband killed and eventually the baby was killed by God BECAUSE OF YOU?! That's preeeetty bad! David sunk REALLY low! God utterly and totally forgave him!

Now King Saul did some dumb stuff also! He ignored God on multiple occasions. He offered a sacrifice before going into battle that Samuel was really supposed to offer, he participated in a seance witchcraft ritual, and he disobeyed God by sparing people in battle that he was supposed to put to the sword. God cursed him!

Now you ask, why David is forgiven after doing AWWWWFUL stuff, and King Saul not quite so awful but cursed?

David BEGGED God's mercy, forgiveness, and could acknowledge his complete failure and sin before the Almighty. He was full of disappointment in himself, and he literally got down on the ground in anguish and emptied every bit of his soul to God.

King Saul DID NOT! He sought to control the situation at every turn! He always thought he could keep his hands on the shifter and control his destiny! He was more upset at GETTING CAUGHT than having disobeyed and failed God!



Why do I bring this up? Well, you're not like Job at all! You mentioned Job. I think you're more like David. Job was a totally good man who had EVERYTHING and didn't sin against God. Satan and God wagered that Job would stay strong in the face of losing everything. That doesn't sound like you. You sound like you're carrying baggage like David. You've fallen low.

Now you think the many problems you have are too many and you can't win. Boloney.

Autism, Aspberger's, all of these conditions come from the Fall just as having same-sex attraction, gambling addictions, alcoholism, drug addiction, inappropriate content addiction, intense greed and unhealthy ambition, powerful lust, racism, you name it! You're not a freak or weirdo, you're fallen. Welcome to the human condition, mate!

But what do you do with the fallen state? Christ died, went into Hades, conquered death by death and in the tombs BESTOWS LIFE! Are you going to take his hand? He's reaching out to you! Or you can stay in the pit listening to the evil one convincing you your problems are insurmountable and hopeless.

Look at this icon. Which character do you want to be? Adam, who is accepting Christ's hand, or the bound sinner in the pit?

You have the choice! God gives you free will.

My hunch is you know you can become something special in God. You know, when you heat metal under fire, it can either break or BECOME STRONGER. Which kind of metal are you?

The sacramental life is supernatural. The Eucharist, Confession, they're sacraments! They impart supernatural power that no human can figure out! Then consider the sacramentals, blessed images or holy water, etc. They're powerful weapons.

Are you employing the supernatural elements of the Sacraments WITH the psychological and the necessary healing from AA and counseling and prayer and other things?

We're all pulling for you, Michael.

Chin up, it's LENT! You can do this! You have a couple weeks left. Get up and do like Adam in this icon, brother!

I for one believe in you!

Your brother in Christ,
Gurney

 

[RileyG]

Lord I pray for Mikhael and his family. I pray Lord that you will watch over him and send your Angels concerning him.

Amen

 

[Fish and Bread]

Re: the alcoholism, have you tried opioid antagonists?

How Opioid Antagonists Reduce the Craving for Alcohol - C3 Foundation

Not intended as medical advice. Just something to ask your doctor about, potentially. I don't know much about them. Just read an article the other day. They are fairly new as a treatment for alcoholism, I think.

 

[Fantine]

This is a song we used to play when I was in a praise and worship band that addresses issues of guilt and mercy and which, overall, has always seemed very comforting.

I hope it comforts you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv0zNTpSXJQ