For MEN considering DIVORCE

[Superman117]

Hi.

We all know that in Divorce Courts, MEN tend to lose. They lose money, property and often their children. I dont find this fair at all. The justice system is totally biased and screwed up. I think all judges and prosecutors are spineless. Especially when it comes to gender issues. They fear feminist backlash. I.....don't. Not at all. It can be fought...and won.


Here's some info MEN that are either divorced or considering divorce should know.

http://www.divorcesource.com/promotions/menstrategies.html

 

[startingover]

Men don't always lose. My ex and I split our property 50/50 and split the bills according to whose credit card it was. He sees our son very often, and is ordered to pay just $250 a month ($150 child support and $100 alimony, which lasts 12 months).

But I agree that many men do lose, and many of those, rightfully so. I think everything should be split in half, but I know many men don't agree with me.

 

[tonya]

Men don't always lose. My ex and I split our property 50/50 and split the bills according to whose credit card it was. He sees our son very often, and is ordered to pay just $250 a month ($150 child support and $100 alimony, which lasts 12 months).

But I agree that many men do lose, and many of those, rightfully so. I think everything should be split in half, but I know many men don't agree with me.

THatis ALL he has to pay in Child support???????????

 

[ElizabethanLady]

I have two kids.
I get $92/week.
Less than $300/month for two kids.

 

[LadyDJ]

...

 

[tonya]

WOW....How did the courts come up with those figures? do they base it on income? In my friend's situaTion, she has one child and gets 250.00 a month and the dad also has the child on his insurance.....

 

[LadyDJ]

When my divorce was in process...it was all based on his income and somehow what I ended up getting was lower because I was supposedly by my own will unemployed at the time. (Had to leave the job I had due to complications in my second pregnancy and after she was born I was informed by my ex that I was too pathetic to earn enough to bother with me working I might as well stay home with the kids).

 

[Micaiah]

Hi.

We all know that in Divorce Courts, MEN tend to lose. They lose money, property and often their children. I dont find this fair at all. The justice system is totally biased and screwed up. I think all judges and prosecutors are spineless. Especially when it comes to gender issues. They fear feminist backlash. I.....don't. Not at all. It can be fought...and won.


Here's some info MEN that are either divorced or considering divorce should know.

http://www.divorcesource.com/promotions/menstrategies.html

Superman117,

As one who has been part way through the court system, I can confirm it is both unfair and anti-Christian. It is very sad to see Christians slugging it out before unbelievers. It must grieve God.

It is good you are aware of the legal situation. I think all young men should enter marriage with their eyes open. At the very least, be sure the woman you marry is a devoted Christian, who puts God first in her life.

Paul said it is okay not to marry. Better to be happily single than miserably divorced. Marriage can be heaven or hell on earth. Unfortunately the statistic aren't good, both within and outside the church.

 

[startingover]

Child support is based on how much each parent makes and how often the non-custodial parent sees the child or chidlren. Each state is different. They figure a certain amount of money that it would take to care for that child monthly. Then they combine each parent's monthly income and see the percentage each parent is making. (EX. Total income: $2000; father makes $1600, mother makes $400; father has 80% of the support obligation and the mother has 20%). Then there is a chart to figure how much credit the non-custodial parent will get based on the amount of visitation, which is deducted from their share of the child support. Confusing.

 

[WhiteFeather]

men do not always lose, as in my case, my ex stole everything, and even the things he was ordered to let me have, my personal separtate property, he only gave me back what he wanted to, destroyed what he did give back, so it was not useable, and what he didnt want he took to the dump, rather than letting my have back my own belongings. He wanted the divorce, he however did not want to pay for it, he locked me out of the house, moved his new girlfriend in, and left me out in the streets and battle cancer at the same time. I went 65 days with the clothes on my back, no place to live, and no money or means of support. Needless to say, God will have to deal with him. Although I lost everything I have ever owned for my whole entire life, I am better off for it, I no longer have to suffer abuse, and I can hold my head up high in dignity, and trust the Lord has a far better plan for me. I get to start over, while he gets to be reminded of me every day for the rest of his life.

 

[rainyday]

You know folks ... it's individuals, it's not GENDERS! If the person has a heart and only wants what's fair, regardless of their gender, they'll do what's right.

I've seen both sides of the fence; women screwed financially and men raped over both support and visitation.

Tuesday I finally filed for child support myself. My husband left 6 years ago and I've struggled alone financially, going 9 months without a car at one point and walking every where. He never gave financial support for his child. I realize I should've filed sooner ... and now that I finally am, I'm sure he'll be out there crying like he was done wrong. He's been scott-free of financial responsiblity for 6 long years ... but he'll make it seem like he's the victim. We were married 11 years before jointly deciding to bring a child into the world and our marriage. My daughter was planned and agreed to by both of us. Still, it's just my responsibility now? No.

I have no sympathy for those who won't be responsible for their children, or use the system to take more than what is necessary. I have no idea yet what I'll get and I can't even guess as I've never been down this road before. Mine is interstate ... because he doesn't even live in the same state. This will be interesting to see.

 

[cazza]

In Canberra Australia where I live, there is new Legislation stating that custody is to be shared between parents ie. 1 week here 1 week there, for school age kids. Child support is based on income and time spent with each parent. This is to stop estranged fathers from Murdering their kids and killing themselves because they can't see the kids often enough. (this seems to happen frequently here)

I earn $5000 per year and receive a $11,000 pension, my husband earns $55,000 per year. He has the kids 2 nights per week and pays me $100 child support per week. So total I will receive $20,500 per year to raise 2 young kids for 70% of the time and my ex has $49,500 per year to raise the kids 30% of the time. Yeah my ex really got screwed on this one!

 

[bliz]

Hi.

We all know that in Divorce Courts, MEN tend to lose. They lose money, property and often their children. I dont find this fair at all. The justice system is totally biased and screwed up. I think all judges and prosecutors are spineless. Especially when it comes to gender issues. They fear feminist backlash. I.....don't. Not at all. It can be fought...and won.http://www.divorcesource.com/promotions/menstrategies.html

On what planet do you live?

Women are earning 70% of what men earn to start with. Upon divorce, men's income, on average, goes up 7 times, and women's income goes down 3 times. When men fight for custody of children, they usually win.
I don't know how divorce has hurt you or who has brainwashed you, but you are clearly misinformed.

 

[rainyday]

On what planet do you live?

Women are earning 70% of what men earn to start with. Upon divorce, men's income, on average, goes up 7 times, and women's income goes down 3 times. When men fight for custody of children, they usually win.
I don't know how divorce has hurt you or who has brainwashed you, but you are clearly misinformed.

Thank you for bringing up these points.

I know my income went down because I had to accept lower paying jobs to incorporate my schedule around the demands of child care, etc. This is something my ex has NEVER HAD TO DO! He now has begun his own business because he doesn't have the added burden that a child presents at home to worry about child care for. His businesses are cleaning contracts with hospitals and he works nights, something he could NOT do with a child full time as he left her with me. Has he ever voluntarily offered money of support for her? No. He acts like she's mine to worry about because I'm the mother. In his world he was simply the sperm donor ... job done and he's out of there. Had I known then what I know now ... but I can't, because I love my daughter dearly and despite the hardships, she's my gift from God who stands by me unconditionally. There has been no man, apart from my father, in this world who I've seen capable of unconditional love. NONE! You all apply conditions and under which circumstances you'll be there or not. I still find men to this day to be unfathomly shallow in the heart.

Yeah ... boy am I making out on being a single parent. Wow! It's why I drive a breaking down '88 toyota truck with expired plates because I don't have the money to renew them at this time. I intentionally moved to be close to a bus line because of this ... so I'll still have transportation WHEN (not if), that vehicle falls apart. This is my reality, not my husband's. MY REALITY.

You know which women skew the stats? Women who earn much and can pay for a good attorney. Do you know what percentage of women that REALLY is? It's not the majority bub ... not at all! Me and women like me are the majority. That's a fact Jack!

 

[bkg]

Shouldn't the concern be what is best for the Children in this situation, rather than who makes what and pays what?

 

[rainyday]

Exactly bkg ... and considering my ex doesn't even care to see her but once a year, it's clear he doesn't care to provide for her, so it's been 100% me. I don't mind in the least, I'm not complaining about that at all. I'd never have brought a child into this world if I had that attitude to begin with. She was a conscious decision between the two of us and planned. My concern is that if he's not willing to care for her and put the time in for her, then he should help financially. He hasn't.

The original post, IMO, was pointing an accusatory finger towards the mothers as though only men get screwed. As I said before, it's NOT about the gender ... rather the individuals involved and their genuine desire to do what is best for the children they brought into this world. As far as the men who've been screwed, in my personal exposure to it, I've seen those men set themselves up 'trusting' their ex when throughout their marriage they've demonstrated anything but to be trusted. Are these men naive? Yes, the ones I've know were. But then, women fall into that category as well.

I don't want anything but shared equal responsibility from her father. Nothing. Or I would have gone after him a long time ago. On his own without a court order though, he has initiated NOTHING. Actions speak louder than words when you're looking at my sole situation.

I just am so tired of women getting slammed because 'some' men get the shaft when the marjority of cases it is the mother's who are left to take care and rear the children alone without adquate support from the fathers. I'm not talking about 'out of wedlock' cases which, imo, fall into a separate irresponsible category of their own. I'm talking about those cases where a marriage with planned children collapses due to Satan's influence, however he influenced. Those are the cases I'm stipulating within my responses.

Anyway ... I suppose I've been more bitter lately than usual. Things aren't going so well right now and if I sound more jaded than rational ... I apologize. I'm just worried how I'm going to pay next month's rent, something my ex isn't worried about at all, trust me on that one. Right now I am at least receiving free breakfast and lunches for her from the school, that helps out tremendously. The food that is here in the house is hers as I don't want to consume it but rather keep if for her. Yes, things are that tight right now. Unless you've lived it people ... YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY. It's like someone who doesn't have a child of their own trying to understand what a parent's love for their child is really like ... they can't; and not because they don't want to, but rather because it's impossible to do so.

God bless you all.

 

[MIboy]

I don't get how a man does not have any financial responsiblility if he is working and he has children. You have a case against your attorney or have your ex thrown in jail for non-payment. I knew a guy at church who did not pay his child support and after he got arrested and went through the process, strip search, anal check etc... guess what he has never missed a payment. Not saying this always works but if someone is going without food or can't pay the rent you have options that can change things.

Now I will educate you as to how a man can get screwed big time. I have a business that my wife wanted nothing to do with except the money it brought in. My wife has her career and could go on financially just fine assuming good health. BUT my wife is entitled to half of my business assets which guess what forces me to sell out. So she gets to keep her career and I lose what I have worked for 20 years for. She has group health insurance, in the end I have nothing, no health insurance, half of my business, which I can not keep because I have to sell the business to pay her off. So she gets to keep her job, her benefits, gets a huge chunk of cash from sale of business and home and furnishings etc.. I get to lose my livelihood which equals unemployed, homeless, no insurance and oh yes, a huge hunk of taxes owed to various governments due to the sale of business which after taxes and attorney fees leaves me with about 20% of my 20 year business investment. Plus I have lupus. My wife is in perfect health. Yep women have it rough! What is my poor wife going to do with her good health, a stable job, a nice place to work and live, two new cars, a great retiremnet fund, oh yeah, she said she is going to travel the world. I hope she survives the tough road ahead! I have to go take a cr===p!!

 

[rainyday]

First off MIboy ... "I have to go take a c r a p!!" is MY line! Don't be stealing my bathroom humor on me now that I just haven't been in the mood to toss it out there much lately! I hope everything comes out "okie-dokie" for you!

Back to the topic at hand ... Women who skew the stats milboy, that'd be your wife. She is obviously one of the lucky ones that can afford an attorney. I'm not saying men don't get screwed, I'm just saying it is NOT as common as it is for us women who've given up jobs and careers to take care of and rear our children to suddenly find the marriage is dissolving around us with no sudden resources to gather up for ourselves. In that aspect, we are leading the pack.

At least now for me, now that I've moved home near family, I will have access to an EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL ATTORNEY pro-bono (my sister's husband). Things will change for the better ... but it will take time. Again, I'm now going to file for a divorce after many years of his being gone. I'll stick it out. It's my nature. I just wanted to paint a more realistic picture in this thread since I'm in a situation I NEVER IMAGINED I'D BE! NEVER! I had a professional military career which I sacraficed for the sake of raising our daughter, a joint decision that cost me my retirement. Its the women who tend to leave their jobs/careers to rear the children and if the husband's renig ... they're the ones left out in the cold trying to quickly collect themselves back into a very unwelcoming work force that frowns on time spent away and 'single' mothers who will have to care for sick children.

Okay ... that's enough. The daughter wants to play scategories. Quality time with my bundle of joy from God calls me.

Good night.

 

[Micaiah]

Last ime I looked at the statistics, about 70% of divorces are initiated by women, and the divorce rate is around 40-50% depending on location and how you interpret statistics. If nothing else, that says there are a lot of women who are leaving their husbands. I do not believe that all, even most, are leaving for reasons given in Scripture. 'Abuse' seems to be today's buzz word for justifying divorce. Last time I looked up a definition of this word, men with a Christian attitude toward the marriage union could be considered abusive. 'He doesn't meet my needs', or 'he doesn't make me happy or fulfilled' are other frequently heard complaints from women.

I do not believe this statistic would be so high if there was not some financial incentive, or at least was comfortable, for women to divorce.

 

[rainyday]

Based on that Micaiah, then I too am initiating my divorce. He's happy as he is, out there alone and living a single life with the plausible excuse to women who want to latch onto him, "I'm still married." Yeah ... whatever! As he puts it, "Why should I bother filing a divorce? I'd have to pay for it and I'm not going to. If you want it you're going to pay for it." It doesn't matter that he left back in May 1997 and never returned. He came back occassionally to visit his daughter and I never once denied him to board with us, but that died off too as his true intentions eventually took precedence. It's not like he's trying to reconcile ... he has no interest.

My daughter tried explaining to her friends in school who'd ask her ... why if we weren't divorced her father was never around ... and she had a hard time explaining it to them. It's been very confusing for her not only in that aspect but personally as well. Many times she'd question why. So because of this I'm finally making it as it should be ... a legal and complete divorce and dissolution of this fraud of a marriage. I'm tired of my daughter caught in a catch 22 trying to explain to curious friends her strange family situation because her father is too greedy to even get the divorce he wants. This sharade has gone on long enough so I'm finally filing the divorce. Now ... there's something to skew with your stats!

Come to think of it, I've known several women who's husbands took the same stand ... not filing and paying for it when they were already out there and about. Stats don't always reflect what is reality.

Oh, I'm not saying there aren't women out there as you describe ... heck NO! I know there is. IHMFIL is the PERFECT example of a selfish woman wanting a divorce to do as she pleases and with no biblical stand to divorce her husband. Oh, they exist and I've seen my fair share within the military setting! It's just that there is this side, my side, of the stats as well and I think we're fairly equal in numbers.