Ok, if you're married, and you have a friend of the opposite gender.. If you and them maybe "poke" at each other sometimes, or goof around, where it's like flirting, is that bad? Isn't it kind of normal to do stuff like that sometimes? I mean, as long as you're not constantly touching them/flirting excessively? Is it bad to poke at them or whatever?
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Flirting...
- Thread starter KGirl
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A1nitewolf
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eph 4
26 "In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
26 "In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
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I realise that you shouldn't let the devil get a foot hold. If you goof with a friend that's doing that? What if they don't have a problem with it?
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
KGirl said:
I wouldn't want my husband to be doing that and he wouldn't want me to be doing that either. Other people may see no problem with it though, it depends on the person. I also think it runs the risk of the other person becoming confused if it's getting too much like flirting. I think as long as your spouse is ok with it and the friend knows it's just friendly playfulness, and nothing more, then it's not bad.
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Nikoel
Warrior for Christ
It all depends on several things!
1) Are you flirting? Or just goofing around? There is a fine line and you know the difference!
2) Does the other person involved think it's flirting?
3) What does your spouse think?
If you can honestly answer all of those questions, then you can answer if it's ok to do or not!
However...poking someone?? I don't know that I've ever done much of that!
1) Are you flirting? Or just goofing around? There is a fine line and you know the difference!
2) Does the other person involved think it's flirting?
3) What does your spouse think?
If you can honestly answer all of those questions, then you can answer if it's ok to do or not!
However...poking someone?? I don't know that I've ever done much of that!
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A1nitewolf
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KGirl said:
If my wife feels it's wrong i shouldn't do it. messing around with someone and touching could open the door for all types of things to happen. touch is very powerful
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Oblivious
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If it's all in fun, I don't see a problem with it. If your husband did have a problem with it, then I wouldn't do it anymore, just out of respect for him.
In my case, my husband wouldn't care and vice versa.
In my case, my husband wouldn't care and vice versa.
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~Nikki~
aka northstar
A1nitewolf said:
I agree. Actually, I heard a story from a counsellor friend a while back who once asked a woman what led to her affair and she replied 'when his leg first touched mine I didn't move away'. Quite a dramatic example and I'm not saying that this would happen in every case, but just using it as an example of the power of touch.
Personally I wouldn't be happy if my husband had a flirty friendship with someone else, and he wouldn't be happy if I did, so neither of us would even contemplate it.
Just the way it is for us...
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I guess a good way to answer your question is this: Do you and your friend "poke" at each other exactly the same way, regardless if your spouses are right there or not???
If you can honestly say you behave the same way with each other alone as you do in front of your spouses, and everyone feels comfortable about it without conviction, then I suppose your "poking" is just all in good fun.
Just wondering, did you happen to read the other post about flirting when married and how inappropriate it really is???
If you can honestly say you behave the same way with each other alone as you do in front of your spouses, and everyone feels comfortable about it without conviction, then I suppose your "poking" is just all in good fun.
Just wondering, did you happen to read the other post about flirting when married and how inappropriate it really is???
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I watch constantly, because I'd never want to hurt my husband. I get along with guys better than gals (a good relationship with my brother and his friends as we were growing up) so I have to be on guard not to let others think I'm flirting. If I hurt my husband that would be the worst. Liekwise, he asks if it bothers me when he's dealing with certain females. He's concerned about my feelings. The situation is a dangerous one in general, because there are openings for others to start something inappropriate. Flirting while married (with someone other than your spouse) is damaging to your relationship.
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Married people flirting with the opposite sex indicates a shortcoming in our own married life. Fix it.
I have no desire flirting with anyone other than my wife. It doesn't mean I'm not kind or gracious or even fun with other women, but being flirtatious is playing with fire.
As men on the receiving end of things (read: thick and dimwitted most times), we often misread completely innocent casual interaction with women as a "she must like me" epiphanies. Women may not think twice about it, but often that's how men interpret it.
I have no desire flirting with anyone other than my wife. It doesn't mean I'm not kind or gracious or even fun with other women, but being flirtatious is playing with fire.
As men on the receiving end of things (read: thick and dimwitted most times), we often misread completely innocent casual interaction with women as a "she must like me" epiphanies. Women may not think twice about it, but often that's how men interpret it.
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I have a couple high school friends that are women, both married and have wonderful lives now.
If I were to see them here at some point, Im quite sure wed give big hugs and it would be very warm.
Im not sure that Id say that there is something wrong with your marriage if you are close with this person and are poking and joking some.
Id ask your spouse about it and make sure theyre not offended or worried.
Then Id ask yourself about it, what are your feelings deep down.
You can fool us, but you cannot fool God or yourself.
I think you know deep down if there is something youre feeling that a married woman shouldnt be feeling for someone thats not her husband
If you know youre not feeling this ''honestly'', then paling around with someone I dont think is some huge issue as long as it doesnt bother your hubby and it doesnt venture into innapproapriate behavior.
But honestly, the safest thing to do is just not do anything that yoiu dont want your spouse to do.
If what your doing would bother you if it were him, then dont do it.
If what your doing is something youre quite sure Jesus or the apostles would tell you not to do, then stop.
Better to be overly safe in these matters than say go to the fair with a christian man and end up having sex with him.......oh wait....that was MY ex wife
If I were to see them here at some point, Im quite sure wed give big hugs and it would be very warm.
Im not sure that Id say that there is something wrong with your marriage if you are close with this person and are poking and joking some.
Id ask your spouse about it and make sure theyre not offended or worried.
Then Id ask yourself about it, what are your feelings deep down.
You can fool us, but you cannot fool God or yourself.
I think you know deep down if there is something youre feeling that a married woman shouldnt be feeling for someone thats not her husband
If you know youre not feeling this ''honestly'', then paling around with someone I dont think is some huge issue as long as it doesnt bother your hubby and it doesnt venture into innapproapriate behavior.
But honestly, the safest thing to do is just not do anything that yoiu dont want your spouse to do.
If what your doing would bother you if it were him, then dont do it.
If what your doing is something youre quite sure Jesus or the apostles would tell you not to do, then stop.
Better to be overly safe in these matters than say go to the fair with a christian man and end up having sex with him.......oh wait....that was MY ex wife
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CynthiaSpeaks
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My husband and I made things quite simple for each other. Once we said I do, we gradually made ourselves less available to our single friends and friends of the opposite gender. We sought out new friendships with married couples. That made our new marriage a time about us, as a couple, and not about old friendships.
I wonder about folks who continue "kidding around" with their old friends of the opposite sex, if they miss the "care free days" and wish they were single again.
But when you play with fire, you usually get burned.
I wonder about folks who continue "kidding around" with their old friends of the opposite sex, if they miss the "care free days" and wish they were single again.
But when you play with fire, you usually get burned.
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Hm.. Well, he doesn't have a problem with me doing something like that. I haven't really been around other guys much (except for when around a couple) to know how I act around them whatnot. Actually, I was around one, and there was some goofing around. I think I've gotten alot better though about it. I didn't feel like I would do something with too much feeling whatnot, so I guess I didn't do things that would have too much feeling (what I mean by that is poking too much, being too attracted or both whatnot). That girl that he wanted to be with at one time, would poke/playfully hit him WAY too much. It's weird bc she's never liked him that way. In any event, he told her I felt jealous. She thought that if she hit him enough/or hard enough, it would make me laugh and feel better. It made me worse because she was still messing with him. I think she got the hint bc she did stop doing it the next day or I was gonna do something drastic or something. I don't think there's something wrong with goofing with friends however. Sometimes someone makes a comment and you playfully wack them or something like that. But it can be easy to tell if it gets too much I think. I guess it really does depend on things. I haven't seen him do anything like that with the girl he hung out with the most, so that's a good sign.
I see the good points. I was wondering what ya'll thought so.. I guess if I feel uncomfortable about anything like that in the future I'll just say something. He already knew how I felt with that one girl, so that should give him a hint about that kind of thing. I agree it can be excessive.
I see the good points. I was wondering what ya'll thought so.. I guess if I feel uncomfortable about anything like that in the future I'll just say something. He already knew how I felt with that one girl, so that should give him a hint about that kind of thing. I agree it can be excessive.
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From my perspective and what's going on with me, flirting should definately be off limits. What does flirting result in? Eventually getting physical and hooking up. I relate flirting with cheating.
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