Flirting while in a relationship/marriage - cheating or not?

[Reminisce]

I'm curious as to your opinions on this. Is it considered wrong or cheating if you are in a relationship and you flirt with other girls/guys or is this harmless? I have to specify that I am talking about flirtatious smiles/talk/eye contact and (rather) harmless touching such as touching hands/shoulders/back etc. No kissing or sexual touching or sex of course. Or is this kind of flirting harmless? I welcome any opinion you might have.

 

[trentlogain2]

yes.

 

[Hadassah_]

I personally don't think it's cheating but I don't think it's wise either. Behaviour such as mentioned has the potential to lead to cheating and why open that Pandora's box?

It's also disrespectful to the other spouse(s) involved, as well as your vow to God to forsake all others.

 

[r035198x]

Why is this flirting being done?

 

[K9_Trainer]

I wouldn't call it cheating, but I agree that it is disrespectful. Assuming it truly is flirting and not just how the guy is. I've met some guys who are very friendly and can unintentionally come across as flirty.

 

[Saucy]

I say it depends on the couple. If it's harmless as you say, then it's harmless. If you're secure in your relationship and have no issues or worries about your partner cheating on you, then I wouldn't personally worry about it. Many people have close personal friends of the same sex and I wouldn't tell my partner how to act or demand they change around them.

Flirting is a little different. Why flirt with someone else if you're already with a person??? Sounds dangerous. But people flirt to take advantage of situations and use others to get something out of them, like getting out of a ticket or to be able to cut in line. Doesn't mean they're in it because they are interested in the other person.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Whether it's cheating or not, it opens the door to more trouble than you need. Why make your spouse unnecessarily jealous? Save your flirting for your spouse, then-- well, there's some things the rest of us don't need to know.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I wouldn't say its cheating, but I wouldn't say its wise to do that.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I wouldn't do it while in a relationship. I'm a very loyal person. If you are my friend, you are my friend and I'll defend you to the end. If you are my SO, you are my SO and I will forsake all others. While married I would go the other way if someone was flirting with me. Maybe that's crazy to some but it's who I am. It took me a long time to realize I can legally flirt now!

 

[Reminisce]

OK, before anyone starts attributing this to men I will say I am talking about myself. And I think the flirting is being done for a few reasons. One is excitement, the other is not being treated fairly sometimes in my relationship, e.g. the person that I'm in a relationship with being unfair with taking bad days out on me etc. That definitely makes it easier to flirt with people of the opposite sex whom I'm attracted to. I'm not saying that it's an excuse, but it makes it easier to justify and I want to know if I'm wrong for doing it or not.

 

[twnsrkr]

I wouldn't necessarily label it as cheating, so much as being inappropriate. I would not want my woman doing this to other men while married to, or in a relationship with me.

Instead of going to others to put a bandaid over the hurts of your relationship, why don't you discuss the root cause of the problems with your SO? If you can't talk about such things, you've probably got no business entaining ideas of marrying him.

 

[K9_Trainer]

OK, before anyone starts attributing this to men I will say I am talking about myself. And I think the flirting is being done for a few reasons. One is excitement, the other is not being treated fairly sometimes in my relationship, e.g. the person that I'm in a relationship with being unfair with taking bad days out on me etc. That definitely makes it easier to flirt with people of the opposite sex whom I'm attracted to. I'm not saying that it's an excuse, but it makes it easier to justify and I want to know if I'm wrong for doing it or not.

In your situation, I think it's dangerous to do. You're not getting fulfillment in the relationship with your current bf, so you're seeking it elsewhere. It really COULD lead to more than just flirting. It could lead to you developing a crush and having a fling because that man gives you what need.

It sounds like you realize that there's some problems with your current relationship. I think if you love him and want the relationship to work, you need to discuss your feelings with him and tell him that you're feeling neglected and how you feel when he takes things out on you. Flirting with other men is only going to make your relationship problems escalate. So either work it out with your man, or end it so you can flirt as you please.

 

[Inkachu]

IMHO yes absolutely it's cheating. All of your romantic attention should be for your S.O. and no one else.

 

[Perhaps Today]

I would consider it cheating, or at least extremely tacky. It's highly disrespectful to the other person in the relationship.

 

[septemberskies]

(Blind Post) I don't think it's cheating but it can eventually evolve into something more especially if both parties reciprocate interest. It's just best not to go there.

 

[BRISH]

Matthew 5:28 "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

I think this about covers it whether you're married or not and whether it's flirting or sleeping together.

"True" flirting has intentions behind it that are to satisfy the flirters want to show romantic interest or to have romantic interest returned. Either way, it's not for you to do to someone you're not in a relationship with. It's disrespectful and I can't say that I believe you can flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture going on while you do it or AFTERWARDS. I think the time after flirting is the most dangerous because you sit there and think about it so the next time it gets even deeper.

Married: Stop it, fix it
Dating: Stop it, fix it, or do yourselves both a favor and get out

 

[BRISH]

I'm not saying that it's an excuse, but it makes it easier to justify and I want to know if I'm wrong for doing it or not.

I applaude you for coming out and asking. The Lord knows how many of us are or have been or will be guilty. (<---that smile is not encouraging anything. It's saying that we all have or will mess up ...so no worries.)


Prayers

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

If your relationship with your SO is bad and I'm assuming, since you are in Singles posting, that you are not married why don't you take some time away from your SO and search your heart to see if this relationship is what God wants for you. (Whew! That was a major run-on sentence!) God wants the best for us! Verbal abuse is not the best that a man can offer you.

Right now flirting is not your answer. Now if you and the man break up, flirting would be OK.

 

[Reminisce]

Thank you for all your answers. May I ask what SO means? I understand you are referring to boyfriend, but what does it stand for?

I think most of you are right in what you say. I know deep in my heart that it is wrong because I do feel guilty about it, but it's also very tempting and easy to justify. I wish my boyfriend would treat me better, because I KNOW that my loyalty to him is affected by how he treats me. I could never flirt with another guy if my boyfriend treated me the way I think I deserve, I couldn't live with that. So maybe this is a way of punishing him too, as well as making myself happy and satisfying certain needs of attention from the opposite sex? Regardless, I know it's wrong and that I should stop. It's just so hard to stop when he keeps giving my reasons not to.

 

[Perhaps Today]

Thank you for all your answers. May I ask what SO means? I understand you are referring to boyfriend, but what does it stand for?

I think most of you are right in what you say. I know deep in my heart that it is wrong because I do feel guilty about it, but it's also very tempting and easy to justify. I wish my boyfriend would treat me better, because I KNOW that my loyalty to him is affected by how he treats me. I could never flirt with another guy if my boyfriend treated me the way I think I deserve, I couldn't live with that. So maybe this is a way of punishing him too, as well as making myself happy and satisfying certain needs of attention from the opposite sex? Regardless, I know it's wrong and that I should stop. It's just so hard to stop when he keeps giving my reasons not to.

SO means significant other.

Praying everything works out well for you.