Flirting Husband

[CLN]

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[InTheFlame]

If you can get hold of either Boundaries or Boundaries in Marriage (both by Cloud and Townsend), have a read. They talk about how to deal with this sort of disrespect in a loving way. Or have a look at Love Must Be Tough (Dobson).

(sorry, too braindead to do anything but refer you to books - *hug*)

 

[Tree Sap]

Cheri,

Tell him that you want him to focus his attention on you and your body and not on other woen.

 

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[Redguard]

Here's the first thought that entered my mind when I read this:

"He's getting something from these women he flirts with that he may not be getting from you."

Whatever this "thing" is, is the thing that's driving him and getting him all excited thus encouraging him to continue with it.

Perhaps these women are responding to his 'flirts' with words or compliments that make him feel good? This may be his 'love language'.

 

[Steve_SandbachBaptist_UK]

Perhaps, just perhaps, you should tell him that you would consider leaving him if he doesn't stop. That would perhaps jolt him into stopping?

Only as a last resort though.

 

[Living Stone]

Hi, This is my problem, I've been married to the same man for 18 years and he will not stop flirting with other women. He knows how I feel about it, but he gets more of a kick about it than he is concerned for my feelings. The past few days I have just stayed away from him. In the same house but away. I don't want to put up with it anymore. Any ideas on how to get your man to stop fliriting with other women? I have tried to stay away from him before but I have always given in, in the past. He should love me enough to care that it hurts me and he should try to stop, but he lies and he will not even admit to what he does. We have dated for 3 years before we got married and he has been like that from the begining. I know I got myself in to it with him, but I have more self confidence now and I have had enough of it. It makes me sick to think he's getting his jollies from other women and thinking it's no big deal, then comming to me like I'm supose to just put up with it.

My 2 cents.....

Men who flirt and have no regard for thier wives feelings are an affair waiting to happen.

Now it may just be that he is like my exwife who flirted with men in front of me.
With her it was totally innocent.
At least till she cheated.

See where this is going?

If your husband truley loves you as he should, then he will want to never, ever make you feel insecure with his actions.
He will want to make you trust him and love him more than anyone one on earth.

Flirting implies sexual interest, as far as Im concerned.

 

[Living Stone]

Here's the first thought that entered my mind when I read this:

"He's getting something from these women he flirts with that he may not be getting from you."

Whatever this "thing" is, is the thing that's driving him and getting him all excited thus encouraging him to continue with it.

Perhaps these women are responding to his 'flirts' with words or compliments that make him feel good? This may be his 'love language'.

The possibility of sexual conquests is quite enough excitement for some men, married or not.

The fact is he is married and has no right to ever flirt with any woman.
Especially when it hurts his wife so much.

 

[Jill Ann]

Sorry you are dealing with this in your marriage.

As you already know, flirting is absolutely inappropriate in marriage, because flirting is nothing more than a way of sending out signals of sexual/romantic interest to another person, as well as a way of "testing the water" to find out if those signals will be reciprocated. Obviously, nothing about this has a place in marriage.

You mentioned that you have the books "Boundaries" and "Love Must Be Tough", but have you applied any of it with him??? He's gotten away with this for so long, with so little regard to your feelings, that he has no reason to stop his behavior on his own unless he has a very clear understanding of the consequences his flirting will have in your marriage.

Also, don't forget how vitally important PRAYER is.....ask God to give you wisdom and strength in how to best handle this situation, and also ask for CONVICTION in your husband's heart. God Bless!!!

 

[2Bhumble]

Ask him how he would feel if you started flirting. Hopefully, he'll put things into perspective if he considers that. The main thing is to get across how much it hurts you. Flirting is bad. It never just stops with flirting. One of these days, he'll flirt with someone who he can't resist if her response is seductive in any way. He's way out of line. This sounds like an issue for marriage counseling...

 

[Living Stone]

flirting is nothing more than a way of sending out signals of sexual/romantic interest to another person, as well as a way of "testing the water" to find out if those signals will be reciprocated

As a man I will absolutely concur with this.

You have hit it dead on the mark and any man who denies this is either fooling those hes talking to or merely fooling himself.

 

[Yitzchak]

You can't "make" himstop. He will have to make his own decision about his behavior. Obviously, if your influence was going to make a difference it would have worked long before this. It sounds to me like your problem goes deeper than just the flirting though. There are some respect issues and there must be a reason why he feels comfortable disrespecting you that way. I am sure it is not a good reason but getting to the bottom of that is probably more effective than argueing over the flirting.

You may benefit from some counseling from your pastor. perhaps a spiritual leader who knows both you and your husband will be able to help both of you.

 

[heartnsoul]

I agree with all the posts here. Great advice has been given! Yes, definitely seek marital counseling first. Your husband is flirting with temptation and that is a not a very wise thing for him to do. He is setting himself up for trouble. If counseling doesn't work, then you may have to temporarily separate from him. He needs to understand what are the boundaries and respectful behaviors for a HUSBAND in a marriage. Obviously he still thinks he's a bachelor where he can "have his cake and eat it too," so to speak.

I will be praying for the both of you.

 

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[CynthiaSpeaks]

What are the consequences? I'll I can do is stay away from him and wait, but if I wait it could be forever (till death do us part), or I can divorce him when I'm able. Then I'm bad and sinning

Are you sinning, or are you justified? Matthew 5:28, says: But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

What is the concensus of opinion on this? If the bible says CLN's husband has committed adultry in his heart, does that give her biblical pardon for a divorce? Can she remarry?

CLN, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. All I can say is what I'd do if it were my guy. I'd be gone. Not divorced, but I'd either insist he leave the home, or I'd leave myself.

When my husband [a believer] went thru his drinking years, I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I told him I loved him and did not plan to divorce him, however, I would no longer allow him to drag me down with him. That I was moving, with our son, to my sisters home, and I was not coming back until he was sober. It worked.


I may be wrong here, but I do not believe submitting to husbands means they are allowed to do whatever they want and wives simply have to put up with it. Your husband is to love you as Jesus loves the church. He isn't. Is he a believer?