Flirting = deceitful?

[MacFall]

I think flirting and being deceitful are two different things. Although it's possible to flirt in a dishonest manner, it isn't part and parcel of flirting.

The dictionary disagrees:

flirt   
[flurt]–verb (used without object)
1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

Flirting is dishonest BY DEFINITION.

 

[Niels]

The dictionary disagrees:



Flirting is dishonest BY DEFINITION.

That dictionary definition doesn't exactly provide strong support for the deceitfulness argument. Read it again. While you're at it, please check out what Wikipedia has to say about flirting. Although one *can* flirt in a dishonest manner, dishonesty isn't inherently a part of the act.

Do you truly believe that flirtatious interactions with members of the opposite sex are akin to lying? If so, what makes them lies look like lies to you? The playfulness, or the fact that you might occasionally find somebody who has real relationship potential?

 

[Im_A]

flirt    [flurt]–verb (used without object) 1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

trifle tri·fle (trfl) n. 1. Something of little importance or value. 2. A small amount; a jot. 3. A dessert typically consisting of plain or sponge cake soaked in sherry, rum, or brandy and topped with layers of jam or jelly, custard, and whipped cream. 4. a. A moderately hard variety of pewter. b. trifles Utensils made from this variety of pewter. v. tri·fled, tri·fling, tri·fles v.intr. 1. To deal with something as if it were of little significance or value. 2. To act, perform, or speak with little seriousness or purpose; jest. 3. To play or toy with something: Don't trifle with my affections. See Synonyms at flirt. v.tr. To waste (time or money, for example). Idiom: a trifle Very little; somewhat: a trifle stingy.

am·o·rous (mr-s) adj. 1. Strongly attracted or disposed to love, especially sexual love. 2. Indicative of love or sexual desire: an amorous glance. 3. Of or associated with love: an amorous poem. 4. Being in love; enamored: He had been amorous of her since the day they met.

co·quet·ry (kk-tr, k-ktr) n. pl. co·quet·ries Dalliance; flirtation.

Again, nothing with deceit intent. Yes one can use deceit, if they would choose to do so. Is that the only reason you flirt? Only asking because you are on such a strong stance that it is only deceitful.

 

[MehTeh]

ok, so that has to be a troll. defining the wrong word is just a give away.

 

[broken_one]

I don't know why he would think that. I think it's not inherently deceitful, just for me because I have some problems and physical things that cannot simply be wished away (though I wish they were). Promising people that I will look less fat when I've dealt with my weight for a few years now doesn't seem like something that is truthful. Nobody would like that I'd even seen the inside of a therapist's office, much less gotten treatment for a mental illness (and have since recovered greatly).

I really wish I could just....live in a world without women. Because guys make sense, I know guys, and I know how to get on good sides and have a good time. Girls are supposedly human (lol), yet they don't act the same, they don't think the same thing about things, and to be quite honest so many hate me or aren't talking to me now (may be a mutual non-talking, btw) that I always feel like I have to dig myself out of a hole even though there may not be one there. Imagine being put on the spot when you're not.

EDIT: Since when was Joe a troll?

 

[Im_A]

ok, so that has to be a troll. defining the wrong word is just a give away.

If you are meaning me...I have been on here for over 5 years and I misread the word. Correction coming. Correction done...point stays the same.

 

[Im_A]

I don't know why he would think that. I think it's not inherently deceitful, just for me because I have some problems and physical things that cannot simply be wished away (though I wish they were). Promising people that I will look less fat when I've dealt with my weight for a few years now doesn't seem like something that is truthful. Nobody would like that I'd even seen the inside of a therapist's office, much less gotten treatment for a mental illness (and have since recovered greatly).

I really wish I could just....live in a world without women. Because guys make sense, I know guys, and I know how to get on good sides and have a good time. Girls are supposedly human (lol), yet they don't act the same, they don't think the same thing about things, and to be quite honest so many hate me or aren't talking to me now (may be a mutual non-talking, btw) that I always feel like I have to dig myself out of a hole even though there may not be one there. Imagine being put on the spot when you're not.

EDIT: Since when was Joe a troll?

I don't know. I guess people love to assume things that could have been cleared up by simply addressing that I looked up the wrong root word. Just more people to add to the iggy list.

 

[MehTeh]

EDIT: Since when was Joe a troll?

Since he used amoral as a root word instead of amorous for amorously. I dunno.

If you are meaning me...I have been on here for over 5 years and I misread the word. Correction coming. Correction done...point stays the same.

It doesn't matter how long you've been here. I'm not here to check your epeen. If it looks like a troll I'll call it a troll. It just seemed rather suspicious that you had taken a particular stance and then used a word like amoral to support it. If you used the wrong root unintentionally then I am happy to retract my statement. I apologise that I assumed you were trolling.

 

[MehTeh]

The dictionary disagrees:



Flirting is dishonest BY DEFINITION.

You are assuming that 'without serious intentions' is BY DEFINITION dishonest. I consider flirting to be particularly honest because it is done without serious intention. It is a recognised social practice with recognised behaviours.

Not everything in life is meant to be serious, and a lot of these behaviours are actually practice for serious courtship or amorous behaviour.

 

[r035198x]

If you are pretending to like someone but are not serious about it then I can see how that can be called dishonest.

 

[MehTeh]

If you are pretending to like someone but are not serious about it then I can see how that can be called dishonest.

But the definition of flirting states that it isn't serious.

I suspect a bigger issue is that some people can't differentiate between flirting behaviour and courtship.

 

[r035198x]

But the definition of flirting states that it isn't serious...

That's where the problem is. If you are not clear that you are not serious but the girl thinks you are serious then you could be said to be dishonest to her.

 

[MacFall]

Do you truly believe that flirtatious interactions with members of the opposite sex are akin to lying? If so, what makes them lies look like lies to you?

There is absolutely no reason for a person to put on a show for someone else - to act out in a manner that is different from his true self - unless he believes that his true self is insufficient to attract another person, in which case it is a false self that is being put on display.

And if flirting does not involve such a display, then the word has no meaning. If I act no differently around a lady to whom I am attracted than I do around those to whom I am not, or around my male friends, because I am confident that my normal, true self is sufficient to attract her (or at least, because I want her to fall in love with my true self and not with a performance), do my actions suddenly become "flirting" when I am around her, despite the fact that their nature has not changed? That would be ridiculous. Flirting, if the word means anything at all, MUST be a display of abnormal behavior, which is necessarily disingenuous.

 

[Netty]

~I'm looking at regular girls, like the ones at school or the ones at the post office or whatever! Christian girls who I'm attracted to do not want me. This I've realized long ago, and I have come to peace with. Since I'm not willing to "play ball" and do all that christianese and whatever to puff myself up, I'm not on their radar. The ironic thing is even when I became an assistant pastor for awhile, I was still persona non grata. I'm just used to that now, and I have come to peace that I may never have everything that I'm looking for in a person.~


No-one wants someone who thinks they have to 'puff themselves up. Simply put God first, and be yourself. They are the most attractive things.

 

[broken_one]

~I'm looking at regular girls, like the ones at school or the ones at the post office or whatever! Christian girls who I'm attracted to do not want me. This I've realized long ago, and I have come to peace with. Since I'm not willing to "play ball" and do all that christianese and whatever to puff myself up, I'm not on their radar. The ironic thing is even when I became an assistant pastor for awhile, I was still persona non grata. I'm just used to that now, and I have come to peace that I may never have everything that I'm looking for in a person.~


No-one wants someone who thinks they have to 'puff themselves up. Simply put God first, and be yourself. They are the most attractive things.

If those two things actually worked, I would not have ever been on this website, nor on this forum itself.

 

[Jacqulene]

But the definition of flirting states that it isn't serious.

I suspect a bigger issue is that some people can't differentiate between flirting behaviour and courtship.

This.

 

[127.0.0.1]

Flirting = deceitful?

Flirting, is when a woman says, "hi", to you and then you say, "OH MY GOSH she's trying to get me to cheat on my wife and marry her!"

"Hey you immoral loose woman, I'll have you know that I have a renewed Christian commitment! So, stop tempting me to fall into sin!"

"But all I did was say-"

"Silence! They said the Devil would be friendly..."

 

[127.0.0.1]

...I'm wondering if my problem is that I feel like flirting, or getting girls more attracted to you, is a lot like selling a used car.

No, people are not like used cars. There's a big difference between the two; one drinks gas, the other emits it.